THE MUSIC NEVER STOPPED
The Howard Stern Show for November 16, 2005

Howard began the show mentioning that he was disappointed he didn’t get to listen to “Tissue Time with Heidi Cortez” last night. Howard explained he wasn’t able to tune in to the program because its start time got switched to 10 o’clock to better reflect a time most people actually go to bed. Howard went on to note that there was some confusion about Double A’s appearance on last night’s show, which ended up causing some problems. Howard said that after rethinking his invitation to Double A to appear with Heidi, he decided he didn’t want him to be a guest with her after all. Howard instructed Jason Kaplan to call Tim Sabean, the Howard 100 program director, to let him know about the change in plans. However, Jason forgot to get in touch with Tim about the switch, so he didn’t know about it.

Gary came into the studio and told Howard that he didn’t think Jason’s slip up was a big deal, because he spoke to Tim yesterday afternoon, and told him that Double A wasn’t going to be on anymore. Gary added that when he made Tim aware of this, he thought the problem was solved. However, Gary commented that somehow Tim didn’t pick up on the fact that Double A’s appearance on “Tissue Time” was canceled, because Double A showed up at the SIRIUS studio when he was originally scheduled to be there.

Double A got on the line and claimed that Tim never got in touch with him yesterday afternoon the way Gary thought he would. Jason then got on a mic and apologized to Double A, which, he pointed out, he had done yesterday as well. Despite his effort, Double A responded that he gave up half his day to appear on “Tissue Time,” so he didn’t appreciate not being told he wasn’t on. Howard insisted that SIRIUS needed to hire more staff needs to keep situations from happening again in the future.

Howard commented that Ralph wasn’t able to listen to “Tissue Time” last night either because he was busy getting Howard’s wardrobe together for his upcoming television appearances. Howard mentioned that he’ll be on “Late Show with David Letterman” tomorrow, and that he has a full-schedule of press lined up for Friday as well. Howard went on to announce that Tom Chiusano has decided to have a party for everyone on December 16, the day of their final live broadcast, but that it might be tough for him to make it because of all the commitments he has already booked.

Tom explained to Howard that he figured the day of the last show was the most appropriate day to have the party, and that people from the past 20 years have been invited to attend. Upon hearing this, Howard told Tom that the party sounded like fun, and assured him that he’d clear his schedule to be there. However, when Howard found out that Tom planned KROCK’s Christmas party for Thursday, December 8, he did inform him that he definitely won’t be able to make it due to prior plans.

A listener called in and told Howard that he was heavily bleeped during his discussion with Tom. Howard found out that he was censored because he let the word “a**hole” slip, even though his use of the word was not sexual. Howard explained that, because he has been so controversial during his career, there are people in each of his markets who spend their mornings listening to the show hoping to hear something they can file an indecency complaint about. Howard went on to say that these few people generate so many complaints that it gives the impression that thousands of people are offended by what he says and does – even though its really only a few.

Because of this, Howard said he is more heavily targeted than anyone else in radio, so while other talk show hosts are allowed to use certain language, he is not. Howard added that he’ll be happy to trade the number of listeners he currently has for the freedom to do the kinds of shows he wants, a freedom, he mentioned, he’ll have at SIRIUS.

Howard again noted that he’ll be discussing everything SIRIUS has to offer more fully on “Late Show,” and added that he hopes Dave just lets him talk. Artie wondered how Howard handles pre-interviews, and Howard responded that he doesn’t do them. Howard noted that he’s much more comfortable engaging in spontaneous conversation when he goes on talk shows, and that he has built up enough credibility that producers give him free reign when he appears.

Howard announced that the show will incorporate a cliffhanger that will be introduced during the last show on regular radio but won’t be resolved until the first SIRIUS broadcast. Howard explained that during the final program everyone will have a deep dark secret revealed about themselves, only the owner of each secret will not be identified until they get to SIRIUS in January. Howard noted that, to make this work, each secret has to be something that the person would never want to admit. Gary pointed out that he liked the idea, but that he worried he’d have a terrible secret while everyone else had something minor in comparison. Gary added that not only would he be embarrassed that his secret was revealed, but it would also be fodder for Howard to use against him.

To deal with Gary’s concern, Howard decided they should pick someone who would hear everyone’s secret off the air, and decide if each one is too revealing or not revealing enough. Artie suggested that Will Murray get the nod, and Howard agreed. Although Robin expressed some concern over the nomination given Will’s propensity to drink and potentially spill the beans, Will promised her that if he shares any of the secrets, Howard can fire him on the spot.

Howard commented that he’s not sure if he wants to hear Richard and Sal’s secrets, because he figures they’ll go into some pretty dark places. Richard said as soon as he heard about the game, he immediately thought of what he’d share. Richard went on to mention that his secret has haunted him for years, and that he doesn’t want his parents to know about it. Sal then reported that he has three secrets he could share, and that each one will hurt a number of people. After learning this, Howard suggested that the cliffhanger may not be a good idea, but Sal insisted he wants to go through with it.

Former New Jersey governor and longtime friend of the show, Christy Todd Whitman, called in to say goodbye. Gov. Whitman told Howard that he’s always been supportive of her, and that she’s happy he’s going to a place where he’ll be allowed more artistic freedom. Robin replied that, given the lack of censorship at SIRIUS, she thought this was the last time they’d hear from the governor, but the governor assured her that wouldn’t be the case. Howard added that just because he won’t face restrictions on satellite doesn’t mean he won’t act appropriately around important people like Gov. Whitman.

Howard recalled that he endorsed Gov. Whitman’s first campaign after she called into his show, and encouraged all his New Jersey listeners to vote for her. Gov. Whitman mentioned that, thanks to Howard’s help, she was the first woman governor of the state, as well as the first challenger to beat an incumbent in a race for governor since New Jersey changed its constitution.

Howard proceeded to point out that during her campaign, Gov. Whitman promised to name a New Jersey rest stop after him if she was elected, a vow which, much to his surprise, she kept. Gov. Whitman noted that she took some flack for her decision to do so, but that her detractors simply needed to lighten up. Howard then mentioned that a fan of his stole the sign from the rest stop and sent it to him, and that he didn’t make the governor put it back on the building. Gary made sure to point out that Gov. Whitman dipped into her own pocket to pay for the sign, and that she didn’t use state funds for the project.

Howard talked about the fact that Gov. Whitman spent time working for the Environmental Protection Agency under Pres. Bush, but that she ended up leaving the post. The governor explained that, although she didn’t agree with many of the president’s political stances on the environment, the main reason she resigned was because neither she nor her husband liked being in a long-distance relationship. The governor went on to say that Pres. Bush has made some decisions that have negatively affected the environment, but that she feels he has done so just to please his political base. Howard commented that he believes the president does the same thing with topics like abortion, and that he’ll say whatever he needs to say in order to keep his biggest backers happy.

Although Gov. Whitman has been a supporter of the show, Robin brought up a time she thought the governor was anything but supportive. Robin said that during one of Gov. Whitman’s appearances on “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” she put down the show and denied listening to it. Gov. Whitman responded that she believes Howard should be free to say what he wants and that people who don’t like what he says have the right to turn off their radios, but admitted that she doesn’t listen to the show. The governor went on to note that she never insulted Howard or anyone else during her time on “Politically Incorrect.” After Howard played the tape of the segment, Robin acknowledged that she was mistaken and that Gov. Whitman didn’t say anything bad about the show.

Howard mentioned that he was listening to the Howard 100 News last night, and that there was a report about Siobhan the Transsexual causing some problems in the SIRIUS building. According to the story, an entire wall at SIRIUS has been devoted to the signatures of musical guests who make appearances in the building, and that a special spot on the wall was being saved for Garth Brooks, who was scheduled to be in yesterday. The story went on to report that Siobhan, not knowing the wall’s purpose, drew a picture of a cat in the space reserved for Garth, and then signed her name. One SIRIUS exec they interviewed for the piece mentioned that Garth was a good sport about the whole thing, and that he ended up getting on his knees to sign the bottom part of the wall instead of the spot he was originally supposed to autograph.

Gary informed Howard that he has been getting calls from Wack Packers who want to know if they can come into the studio to say goodbye during the final three weeks. Howard pointed out that since he wants to keep the number of guests to a minimum during that time, he’ll allow only certain Wack Packers to give their farewells, while others will be asked to accompany him on his symbolic walk to the SIRIUS building on December 16.

After Gary read the list of the people who have been in contact with him, Howard decided that Capt. Janks, Andrea/Miss Howard Stern, John the Stutterer, Jeff the Drunk, Beetlejuice and High Pitch Eric will all be invited up to the studio to say their goodbyes, while Rappin’ Granny, Marianne from Brooklyn, Zolar, Joey Boots and Bobo are all invited join his march down Sixth Avenue to the SIRIUS building during his final broadcast.

Howard devoted a section of the show to retiring some Gary Garver and Stuttering John interviews, as well as some musical performances that took place on the show. Howard started off playing one of Gary’s interviews with Buddy Ebsen, the patriarch of “The Beverly Hillbillies.” After Gary asked Buddy questions about his financial situation and what advice he had for people looking to make it in the entertainment business, Howard stopped the tape because there was so much phlegm in Buddy’s throat that it sounded like he was speaking underwater and it was making Howard sick. Howard then played a clip of Gary talking to Wilbur from “Mister Ed,” Alan Young, who called Gary “a bastard” after he asked how many times Alan had been married.

Howard proceeded to play a tape of Stuttering John interviewing conductor, Sir Andre Previn. The first question John asked Andre was who he was, which Howard noted was the most inflammatory thing anyone can ask a celebrity. When John next asked why people were afraid to badmouth Woody Allen for his relationship with Soon-Yi, Andre called him a “bloody fool” and demanded that he get away from him. Howard then played clips of John asking former Dallas Cowboys coach, Tom Landry, nothing but hat questions, and Werner Klemperer, who played Col. Klink on “Hogan’s Heroes,” whether he preferred Jay Leno or David Letterman, and where he was when he heard that “Herman Munster” died.

Howard pointed out that he was the first talk show host to have musicians come into the studio and play their songs acoustically, and that right after he developed the format, shows like “MTV Unplugged” came into existence. Howard also said that since he doesn’t have enough time to play all the musical clips that he’d like, he’ll focus the next 18 shows, a tally that included today’s broadcast, on retiring just the ones that meant the most to him and everyone else on the show.

The first clip Howard played was of Ann Previn singing “Torn,” which he followed with Green Day’s performance of “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” and Everlast’s in-studio version of “What It’s Like.”

After the next tape of John Mellencamp playing and singing portions of “Jack and Diane,” “Pink Houses,” “Small Town,” “Peaceful World” and “Paper and Fire,” Artie commented that that performance was one of his favorites of all time. Gary agreed with Artie, and recalled that John was the biggest musician to play a montage of songs as the cast and crew blurted out requests. Howard went on to retire Aerosmith’s beat-box rendition of “Pink,” The Cowsills performing “Hair,” Dave Grohl doing “Hero” and Artie singing “You Shook Me All Night Long” with Angus Young.

Howard promised that he’ll devote most of the final 17 shows to playing clips like these for the final time. Before Robin started the news, however, Capt. Janks called in and said that Howard had to play his favorite musical moment from the past 20 years, which was when Elton John sang “Why Isn’t Howard Stern on TV?”

Following the clip, Howard mentioned that Elton was scheduled to have nodes removed from his vocal chords in the days after this performance, and that he was advised not to talk, much less sing the way he did. Gary also recalled that Elton’s people instructed Howard to avoid topics like Elton’s homosexuality during his interview with him, but that Elton nixed those plans and was willing to talk about anything Howard wanted. Howard declared that Elton’s performance was a testament to how important everyone on the show is, because Fred wrote the lyrics to “Why Isn’t Howard Stern on TV?” the night before the song was played.