BEST OF, WEB EDITION: JON HEIN
The Howard Stern Show for November 21, 2005

Jon Hein from Jumptheshark.com came on to promote his website and play the Gossip game with everyone. Howard talked to Jon for awhile about their favorite shows. Howard loves the ABC show "Lost" and he and Jon talked about some theories about what might be going on with that show. Howard said his favorite show is still Smallville even though it hasn't been as good this season. Jon said people are mixed about the season on his site. Jon said that Six Feet Under had jumped the shark, as well as NBC, the Superbowl, and many other things. Jon said he really likes "Desperate Housewives", but you can tell the show is going to die out soon once they solve the murder mystery. Then Mike Walker called in and they played the Gossip Game. Only one of these stories is fake, guess which one:

#1 - Jessica Simpson was out shopping when a limo stopped her on the street and it was Mike Tyson asking her out. Tyson claimed he had no idea who she was and Simpson stormed off saying she was married.

#2 - Barbara Walters makes herself seem bigger than she is on the View by sitting on a chair instead of a sofa and making the chair higher than the sofa.

#3 - Britney Spears took off her shoes on a plane and they stunk so much other passengers complained and made her put them back on.

#4 - Mel Gibson yelled at some kids to stop spraying graffiti and they did.

Howard and Artie picked #1, Robin and Jon picked #3, and Fred picked #2. And the winner was??..Fred!!

A perennial show favorite, Jon Hein from JumpTheShark.com, stopped by today. Jon started a website a few years ago where he critiqued television shows and has now become one of the top sites for people to discuss TV. Howard noted that Jon has one of the best jobs ever, he watches TV. This morning Jon was bemoaning the increase in Reality TV programming. He really was not sure what to think of ABC's ballroom dancing show Rachael Hunter had called in to discuss yesterday. Howard said he thought he was going to hate it too, but when he watched the promo real the studio sent him, he was surprised by how good he thought it might be. So was Artie. Here are a few of the shows Jon discussed:

--"Rob and Amber's Wedding": Jon thought this was like watching someone's wedding video. Although he gave the "Survivor" and "Amazing Race" stars credit for convincing CBS to pay them to get married. He couldn't understand why

--"Chaotic": Britney Spears new reality show will do one good thing -- show how far Britney will sink into white trash. After UPN shows the 6 filmed episodes, it'll disappear.

--"The Contender": Jon thinks "Contender" failed because it wasn't like other reality shows in that it features guys who are already in a physical competition with one another, doing other physical competitions and that just doesn't work. Also, for some strange reason, NBC put this up against two top rated shows in "CSI" and "Desperate Housewives", pretty much sealing its fate.

--"Hit Me Baby, One More Time": This is a new show which will appear on NBC this summer and will feature one-hit wonders from the 80s like Loverboy, Tiffany and Flock of Seagulls. Jon hopes they get the chemistry right for this show and believes this could be a great thing. Howard agreed.

--"Lost": Jon said that opinions of the season finale on JumpTheShark.com go both ways. Some believe it was great, while others think the finale failed since it didn't really answer any old questions, just asked a lot of new ones. However, most do agree that they will watch next season to see what happens.

--"Smallville": Jon wished the rest of the season's shows were as good as the opening and finale shows of "Smallville". He said a lot of people on his site are also wondering why the show gives so much attention to Lana, although many feel the show is heading in the right direction now.

--"Desperate Housewives": Jon said that a lot of people on his site like the show, but he thinks its in big trouble if the plot doesn't hold up through next season.

Howard and Jon discussed a few other shows before Howard asked about "Star Wars". Although his Website focuses on TV, Jon thought "Star Wars Episode III" was pretty good, but since the first two were so bad, it wasn't that hard to make this better. Howard also wanted to know Jon's opinion on Artie's illness and Jon said that many of his site's users felt Artie wasn't a good enough actor to fake it, so it must have been real. Artie thanked him for that. While they were discussing the reasons why some of the spinoffs of the "Law and Order" and "CSI" franchises seem to fail, Vinnie Favale called in to defend CBS's "CSI: New York". Howard let Vinnie talk for a while and then Howard and Jon wrapped up their conversation discussing the shows Jon thought were the best this past season: "Lost", "The Shield" and "Rescue Me". He thought "24" may have Jumped The Shark at the end of the season when they showed Kiefer Sutherland walking down a road with a back-pack on his shoulder, kind of like Bill Bixby in "The Hulk". Check out Jon's Website JumpTheShark.com and his book "Jump The Shark" for more TV analysis.

Here's how it works: there were 6 girls in the contest, the guys would pick out the 3 hottest who would then compete in test of show knowledge. The winner would get $10,000 courtesy of "Tripping the Rift" the Second Season, which premieres tonight at 10pm on the Sci Fi Channel. Howard sped through the introductions:

1. Adrianne -- Howard said Adrianne was very hot, but didn't see anything to wild in her bio, other than she's been a big fan of the show for 15 years.

2. Carolyn -- Carolyn is a single 33-year-old who Howard thought had a nice body. Carolyn begged Artie not to leave the show. She's been listening to for 12 years.

3. Eden -- Eden was very hot at 5'2", 110 pounds. She works as a nanny, but swears none of the husbands have ever hit on her.

4. Lori -- Lori had been in earlier talking about Dead Air Dave. She too was very hot, weighing in at only 90 pounds on a 5'2" frame.

5. Christine -- Christine claimed to be a super fan too and has listened to the show for the past 10 years. She added she would also sleep with Artie if he wanted.

6. Rachel -- Rachel is a swimsuit designer who has been on the show before. Howard remembers spanking her once. Gary said she claims to be 36, but he found out she's really 41. Howard told her she could pass for 20.

Everybody made their picks and Adrianne and Eden were unanimous, but Lori and Christine were tied for the last spot. Lori won the tie breaker. Howard said he hated that he had to pick only three, but that was the way the game worked.

All of the following entailed Howard playing an audio clip and the girls guessing who said it (unless otherwise noted):

• "Hey Now!" (Hank from Larry Sanders) - Adrianne missed, Eden never heard it, Lori got it correct.

• "Nigra please." - Lori said OJ Simpson, Eden ODB (correct), Adrianne ODB (Correct)

• "I just want to apologize to my wife Nancy...? (Jackie) - Eden and Lori both got it, Adrianne missed it.

• "Young, wet, bitches" (George Takei) - Eden, Lori and Adrianne all missed it.

• "How big are your balls?" (High Pitch Eric) - Adrianne, Eden and Lori all got it correct.

• "Wake up white people." (Daniel Carver) - Eden and Adrianne got it right, Lori missed it.

• What is Howard's sister's name? (Ellen) - Lori, Eden and Adrianne all got it correct.

• Lester Green is better known as this Wackpacker? (Beetlejuice) - Lori missed it, Eden got it and so did Adrianne.

• Who is the person that drove Robin Quivers out of the city on September 11th? (Scott the Engineer) - Eden missed, Lori and Adrianne got it correct.

• How did Artie's father become a quadriplegic? (Fell off a ladder) - Lori and Eden missed it, Adrianne got it. Gave it to Lori because of a technicality.

• What is the name of Howard Stern's agent? (Don Buchwald) - Adrianne and Lori missed, Eden got it.

• "Dickus" (Crazy Cabbie) - Eden and Lori got it, Adrianne missed it.

• "Jack Meyhoffer" (Bill O'Reilly) - All three missed it

• "I want the power on god damnit!" (Wendy the Retard) - All three got it.

• "That's hot" (Nicole Richie) - All three got it correct.

• "Hello my Debbie" (Vinnie Favale) - Adrianne and Eden missed it, Lori got it.

• "Eweah Ahhh" (Golddust) - All three missed

• Jeff the drunk coughing - Lori and Eden missed, Adrianne got it.

• "Ah hah, whoa!" (Mike Walker) - Eden and Adrianne missed it, Lori got it.

• "Gravitas" (Keifer Sutherland) - Lori got it, Eden and Adrianne missed.

• "Whatchu dalkin boug dillis" (Crackhead Bob) - Lori, Eden and Adrianne all got it.

• "I never get sore testicles" (Robert Goulet) - All three missed it.

• "This is some bruhaha" (Ben Stern) - All three missed it.

• "I wet my pants" (Hank the Dwarf) - Lori missed it, Eden and Adrianne both got it.

• Which governor named a rest stop after Howard Stern? (Christine Whitman) - Adrianne missed it, Eden got it, Lori got it.

The winner, by a very narrow margin, was Lori. Howard was very impressed with all three of the girls' knowledge of the show. Gary said he had some consolation prizes for the other two from Steven Singer Jewelers. Will Murray chimed in that if Lori was a real fan, she would show her breasts. Howard was on a tight schedule though and went to break.

Howard commented that one of the topics on last night’s “Super Fan Roundtable” was the salary of everyone on the show. Howard acknowledged that he’s constantly shocked when he reads in the paper and magazines how much money he allegedly has, adding that he wished the actual figure was anywhere near the projections. Although Gary pointed out that Howard was supposed to have received $500 million from his SIRIUS deal alone, Artie guessed that he’s worth closer to $100 million. However, Howard claimed that even that guess was high.

Howard proceeded to play the tape about salaries from last night’s “Roundtable.” While the panel came to the consensus that Robin earns between $2 and $5 million a year, there was some debate as to how much Fred makes. Some members of the group felt that Fred’s salary is between $500,000-$750,000, but Ralph believed he makes more than $1 million. Following the clip, Fred pointed out that he’s going to fire his agent and hire Ralph if he actually thinks he’s bringing in as much as he suggested.

When the discussion turned to Artie, the guesses were similar to what they were for Fred. However, Artie admitted that the figures the panelists were quoting were more than he makes as well. Artie went on to reveal approximately what his contract at KROCK pays him, adding that DVD sales, development deals and standup performances almost triple his take home. Artie then mentioned that the show is a comic’s dream come true, and that if he agreed to work more weekends, he could make three times the amount of money he already does.

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