A TENACIOUS VISIT
The Howard Stern Show for November 14, 2006

The show began with a caller telling Howard how “hot” he found Heidi Cortez on the episode devoted to her that’s currently showing on Howard TV. After Howard acknowledged he found Heidi’s outfit – which, at one point, consisted of a shirt and panties – as attractive as if she had been nude, he played a prank call Heidi made to a man looking to buy a lawnmower. In the clip, Heidi told the man she was “in the mood,” and asked him to hum like a lawnmower to help her out. While Heidi moaned, the man did his sound effects, although he eventually hung up on her.

Howard announced Andy Dick returned with another “Shit Show” last night, and that “Chuck Zito’s View” made its premiere on SIRIUS as well. However, before he got to those clips, Howard took a call from a woman in a car who admitted she’d just cheated on her husband with another woman. The caller revealed she was 25 and had been married for four months, and that she and some of her friends had gone to clubs the previous night. As the woman pulled into her driveway, she told Howard she was 5’6”, weighed 115 pounds, was a bartender, and has been told she looked like both Katie Holmes and Mandy Moore.

The woman described how she performed oral sex on one of her female friends after a night of drinking, but insisted she needed to get off the phone because her husband was waiting for her. Despite this, Howard asked the caller if she’d break the news to her husband on the air or stay on the line to give more details about her encounter, but she responded that she needed to go. When the woman was gone, Howard commented she sounded “sexy” to him, and that he wished he could’ve gotten to hear more of her story.

Howard got back to tapes of yesterday’s shows, and started with Andy Dick talking about Tenacious D’s new movie, “The Pick of Destiny,” which he referred to as “a hardcore rocking-out musical in the vein of ‘Tommy.’” Andy added that, even though he thought the number one film, “Borat,” was a “great movie” as well, he wanted “The Pick of Destiny” to beat it at the box office because he hated the fact that “an English man” was doing so well in America.

When one of Andy’s callers claimed that Howard had publicly stated he didn’t like Tenacious D’s music, Howard interrupted the tape and replied that this wasn’t true. Howard went on to say he’d never heard Tenacious D’s music, and then played a few songs from the band before playing a tune called “Dip Your C*ck in Vodka” that Andy did live on the air last night.

Because they were on the topic of comedians who incorporate music into their acts, Howard admitted he used to think his band, The Losers, was actually good when they performed. Howard then played a medley of The Losers’ songs, including Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky” and Neil Young’s “Old Man” to prove his point.

Artie then added that he was “falling into the trap” of putting music into his standup act, explaining that, on New Year’s Eve, he was bringing a band with him to perform. Upon hearing that, Howard advised Artie to stick to comedy, which made Artie laugh and reply that was his plan.

Howard turned to a clip from yesterday’s “Wrap Up Show,” of Jon Hein, Gary and Artie talking about Fred’s reaction to the conversation about whether his first name was actually Fred or Eric. In the clip, Gary said he didn’t understand why Fred was so upset with him for revealing that he changed his name, although he added he knew it had something to do with how Fred had a creative position on the show while Gary didn’t.

After the tape was done, Fred acknowledged he’d overreacted to what was being said yesterday, and apologized for his behavior. Robin then pointed out she was listening to The Howard 100 News as well, and that Steve Langford reported Fred’s real name was, in fact, Eric, which Fred admitted was the case. However, Fred explained that what bothered him the most yesterday was the way Robin segued into making fun of Ed Bradley for having an alter ego into taking shots at his name. Robin insisted she hadn’t made fun of Ed, but Howard read a number of e-mails that suggested listeners felt otherwise.

Howard also read some emails from fans criticizing him for being so tough on Artie and Dana’s relationship yesterday, but Howard claimed he didn’t realize he was being overly critical of him. Howard added he was just voicing his opinion about Artie and Dana, and that, if they were really happy together, nothing he said was going to make a difference. However, when Robin mentioned she agreed with the emailers, he responded he was still convinced Artie and Dana weren’t as content as they were purporting to be.

Artie brought up he’d heard from Joey Boots last night in regard to his fall off the wagon, and that he was doing “better.” Artie then explained Joey told him he’d done cocaine over the weekend, but that he was once again committing himself to being clean. Artie went on to note he knew what Joey was feeling, and that, to him, when addicts make pledges to stop using drugs or alcohol, they automatically believe they’re giving up their ability to have any fun in the future – which, in reality, is not the case.

When Lisa G. came into the studio to talk about today’s edition of The Howard 100 News, Howard reported she was hosting a holiday cookie exchange party, and people from the show were talking about it. Gary thought the party would feature nothing but “fat broads” loading up on free cookies, but Lisa replied that wasn’t all there was to the get-together. Lisa went on to admit most of the people who make cookies at such events are women, but insisted men could still show up to hang out. When Lisa asked if Howard would be able to make it, he pointed out he had plans that night.

Joey Buttafuoco called in to announce he was going back to the Los Angeles County Jail for a violation of his parole. After Joey mentioned his parole violation involved his possession of a shotgun and some shells that were given to him by his mother, Howard commented that, if he were Joey, he would’ve done everything in his power to avoid more jail time, but Joey explained that he would have...had he known the gun and the shells were still in his house. Joey added he was sentenced to another year behind bars, and that he just wanted to serve his time so he could get back to being with his family. Joey also reported he had an intestinal disease that caused him to lose 51 pounds over the past year, and that he also battled testicular cancer earlier this year as well. To make matters worse, Joey noted he was starting to experience a problem with his prostate to boot, but that he wasn’t sure if it was cancer or not.

Joey’s manager, David, was also on the line, and he announced that they were pitching a reality show called “Joey Goes to Jail,” which will document Joey’s current situation. David explained he was in the process of getting the necessary permission in order to film the show behind bars, and that Amy Fisher and Mary Jo were already set to make cameos on the program. Joey proceeded to admit he was scared of returning to jail, which once again led Howard to say he felt Joey should’ve been more careful in his personal life to avoid such situations.

Joey next talked about his relationship with Amy, noting he never gave her herpes as some people had claimed, and that she supposedly acknowledged he had nothing to do with the shooting of Mary Jo. As Howard ended the interview with Joey, he commented that he thought Joey was going to have a tough time getting his show approved.

A caller asked Howard if he thought any of the “second-tier” people on the show could have a career in show business when he retired. Howard responded by calling people like Benjy and Will “supremely talented,” and explained that he wouldn’t have hired them if he didn’t believe that. Artie then pointed out he felt Benjy was “a great joke writer,” and that he also thought more experience would bring Sal and Richard to his level as well.

Howard announced Barbara Walters would be calling into the show tomorrow, which led Robin to point out she knew he was a friend of hers, and that she was concerned he’d go easy on Barbara during her appearance. After denying he’d give Barbara a free pass, Howard noted another of his friends, Rudy Giuliani, was contemplating running for president, a decision he said he’d support. Howard then noted he kept reading conflicting reports about Matt Lauer’s relationship with his wife, and Robin added she too had noticed more and more celebrities who appear to be happy with their spouses only to end up divorced a short time later.

Howard next turned to interviews Gary Garver did at an environmental event in Los Angeles, where Elisabeth Shue first talked about how she drove a hybrid car as a way of helping the environment, while Graham Nash replied to the question by noting he didn’t even own a car. Gary’s third interviewee, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, also talked about her hybrid car, and her practice of buying organic food as ways to help the environment.

Howard played a voicemail Riley Martin had left for him, in which he claimed Tim Sabean had told him thaat SIRIUS refused to pay “colored people a lot of money.” However, because Riley was speaking slowly and slurring his words, Howard thought Riley might have been drinking. Riley then called in live to report he’d sent Beth one of his symbols, but Howard informed him he’d thrown it away before it got to her. After Riley mentioned Howard had made a mistake by dismissing the symbol, he added “people from around the world” possessed symbols, and that these people came from all walks of life. Riley went on to say the names of the people who’d ever had symbols made for them were in “the computer,” and therefore didn’t need to have the symbols with them to be able to board the spaceships when they came to earth.

Howard had the Tenacious D band mates, Jack Black and Kyle Gass, into the studio, and immediately played the remarks Andy Dick made about them last night on “The Shit Show.” After hearing the clip, Jack pointed out he thought the funniest parts of “The Pick of Destiny” were R-rated, and agreed with Andy’s assertion that the trailer didn’t do the movie justice. Howard said he had an advanced copy of “The Pick of Destiny,” and referred to the opening 30 minutes of it as one of the best movie beginnings he’d ever seen. Jack then mentioned he was a fan of Andy’s so his compliments were encouraging, but also acknowledged he felt the timing of the release of “The Pick of Destiny” wasn’t good because of how much press “Borat” had been getting.

Howard asked Kyle if it was difficult working with Jack seeing how successful his acting career was going, but he promised him it wasn’t. When Howard read that Jack made $12 million per picture, Jack laughed and reported he and Kyle were splitting $1 million for their roles in “The Pick of Destiny.” However, Jack noted the creative control he and Kyle were given made up for the cut in pay he took to make it, admitting he thought he had “sold out” after starring in “Shallow Hal.”

Howard then brought up what he had been discussing earlier, which was that, while Tenacious D was a funny band, he figured both Jack and Kyle really wanted to be rock stars. Kyle replied there was some truth to that, and Jack acknowledged he “loved to rock” whenever he could.

Kyle explained he met Jack through a theatre company at their alma mater, UCLA, even though he pointed out they didn’t attend the school at the same time. Jack then reported he tried out for “Saturday Night Live” years ago, but he turned down an offer the show made because he didn’t think his humor matched with that of the program. Because Howard was curious what other projects Jack had declined in his career, Howard claimed he’d reveal a recent project he said no to in return, but they decided against it.

Jack went on to recall turning down what he called his first “big break” in “High Fidelity” three times before finally agreeing to be in it, and also acknowledged he felt some of “Shallow Hal” was funny, but that his major problems with being in it centered on the serious moments and how he handled them.

Robin said she’d heard Jack had been offered a number of roles that Philip Seymour Hoffman rejected, but he responded they’d met and got along with each other. Jack did admit, though, that he wasn’t as friendly with Jeremy Piven, who he claimed interrupted a conversation he was having years ago with a director at a bar, but that their confrontation didn’t escalate any further despite a stare down they shared.

Howard proceeded to reveal that Jack’s parents were nudists, and Jack acknowledged he, too, had to engage in such behavior as well. Jack recalled accompanying his parents to various nudist colonies, although they never told him why they liked living in the buff. Jack also said he had no feelings either way about the nudist lifestyle, and couldn’t recall many of the details about this part of his childhood, which Howard attributed to having had to see his parents naked. Jack also confirmed Robin’s claim that his parents opened up their house to a woman, although he claimed not to know if the three of them were had a sexual relationship or not.

Because Howard sensed Jack was reluctant to talk about these subjects, he asked him if he was bothered by them. Jack replied he didn’t really mind discussing his life, but acknowledged his dad didn’t like him addressing the topics in public.

Howard predicted “The Pick of Destiny” would make $19 million in its opening weekend, and Kyle noted he and Jack needed to break the $20 million mark in order for it to be considered successful. After Artie commented he thought the success of “Borat” would help “The Pick of Destiny” because it meant America was in “a funny mode,” Howard added his guess was on the low end, and that he thought the movie could make up to $27 million, a guess that Kyle said was more to his liking.

Jack and Kyle then encouraged Howard to go to Tenacious D’s concert at Madison Square Garden next month, explaining the concert tells the group’s entire history, just like a rock opera. Howard replied he’d like to see Tenacious D live, and also pointed out he discovered his daughter was a fan, so he’d borrow her CDs to familiarize himself with their music.

Jack then denied Howard’s assertion that he bought his wife a $210,000 engagement ring, and also said he married his high school crush. When Howard asked if Jack was leery that his now-wife didn’t start dating him until after he got famous, he responded he “chose to believe” her story that she would’ve gone out with him even back then had he ever asked her out.

Before Jack and Kyle left, Howard took some calls, including one from High Pitch Eric who asked if he could open up for Tenacious D during their tour. However, Jack informed him they already had an opening act. Kyle explained that he and Jack had known each other for 15 years, and that they were “best friends.” Jack went on to say it took them six years to complete the script for “The Pick of Destiny,” which he joked boiled down only about 100 hours of actual writing time. Howard went on to point out how heavy he thought Kyle looked, and he asked if he thought he weighed more than Artie. When Kyle found out Artie last checked in at 293 pounds, though, he reported he was 50 pounds lighter than that, even though he admitted he wasn’t in good shape.

Howard turned to clips of “Chuck Zito’s View,” which debuted on SIRIUS last night, in which he and his friends spent time talking about a few of the fights they have gotten into during their lives. Artie responded to the tape by calling Chuck’s show “the best thing he’d ever heard,” and Irish John called in and echoed his feelings. Howard then played another clip of Chuck discussing how he once hit a man in a restaurant after he approached the two strippers he was eating dinner with when chuck got up to use the bathroom. Following the segment, Howard acknowledged he understood Chuck’s reaction to the incident, pointing out he would’ve done the same thing if he had Chuck’s physique.

• Eddie Murphy was seen on a date with a woman who wasn’t his pregnant girlfriend, Melanie Brown.

• Tom Cruise told Liz Smith she wasn’t welcome at his upcoming wedding to Katie Holmes.

• Questions remain unanswered about Heather Mills’ past.

• The “Free Speech” segment of Katie Couric’s nightly newscast is being cut from the “CBS Evening News.”

• The finale of this season’s “Dancing with the Stars” airs tonight.

• President Bush attended the groundbreaking ceremony yesterday for a memorial in Washington, D.C. being built to honor Martin Luther King Jr.

• A study has shown discrimination is still affecting minorities in the United States.

• A man who held up a pharmacy was captured after succumbing to the effects of the drugs he had taken there.

• Consumer Reports has recommended people not buy extended warranties.

• A man was charged with murdering his brother 34 years after the incident happened.

• Al-Jazeera is set to launch an English-speaking version of the channel.

• A man sued New York City after being locked up for 14 years for a murder he didn’t commit.