THE PRICE IS RIGHT
The Howard Stern Show for February 15, 2007

Howard began today admitting there were “many angry people” on the show because of his engagement to Beth, noting Doug Goodstein of HowardTV was one of them. Howard explained that Doug had made Sal pull the tapes from five years ago when he announced he had asked his girlfriend to marry him, and Howard’s subsequent negative reaction to the news. In the clips, Howard warned Doug not to get married, telling him he’d eventually “go insane” if he did, pointing out he felt Gary “had thrown his life away” when he got married. Following the clip, Howard acknowledged hearing himself was “a good slap in the head,” and kidded that he was calling off his proposal to Beth.

Howard played a clip from a news show reporting on his engagement, with the anchor joking he’d have an update on his divorce from Beth two years from now. This led Howard to wonder if he was the kind of celebrity people thought didn’t take marriage seriously, even though his first marriage lasted 20 years. Howard then recalled that, prior to his proposal, Beth had promised him she could be “engaged forever” if he ever popped the question, which he admitted was a comfort to him. However, Howard added that Beth was immediately on the phone on Tuesday letting people know he had proposed to her, so he figured she wasn’t willing to be “engaged forever” after all. Artie then interrupted the story to report that, if Howard wanted to keep Beth thin, he should never let her order a bagel with “a little extra butter,” explaining that was what he got this morning, and it looked like there was “spackling” on it.

Howard proceeded to mention that Beth visited the studio yesterday and spoke to Lisa G. about the proposal. Howard then noted Lisa was so infatuated with Beth’s ring that she drew a picture of it to show everyone what it looked like.

Siobhan called in to offer her congratulations on Howard and Beth’s engagement, and to see if Howard would ask Beth if she could be a bridesmaid at the wedding. However, Howard insisted he and Beth didn’t want a formal wedding, and that they’d instead get married privately and have 20 friends over for dinner afterwards. Howard went on to say that if he got married in a Catholic church, the building would have to be “blown up” after the ceremony, and also reported he has been approached on a regular basis by a priest/host to be on his show on SIRIUS’ Catholic Channel. Howard then tuned into the channel to see what was being discussed, and found out the host was talking about taking his wife to see “Letters from Iwo Jima” for Valentine’s Day. After listening to the program for a minute, Artie wondered if the host had ever heard of “the Eleventh Commandment: Thou shall not bore.”

Howard played a clip of former NBA player, Tim Hardaway, talking about gay athletes in the league, saying he wanted to “distance himself” from homosexuals before claiming they didn’t belong in the locker room seeing as, to him, their lifestyles weren’t “right.” When the interviewer pointed out to Tim that his remarks seemed harsh, he replied, “I hate gay people…I’m homophobic.” Following the tape, Howard noted he didn’t understand why anyone would be against gay people, and added Tim had since apologized for his remarks.

Howard admitted he was glad Bill Cosby’s dog didn’t win the Westminster Kennel Show earlier this week, citing the recent allegations made against him by women as his reason. Despite this, Howard said Bill spoke at Ed Bradley’s funeral, and felt Bill was “so in control of the mic” that he’d never heard a better public speaker. Artie then noted he couldn’t think of a comedian who was more relaxed onstage than Bill, pointing out Bill also had so much material in his act that he rarely heard him retell a joke.

Artie announced he’d been asked by his alma mater, the Connecticut School of Broadcasting, to give a speech there, and that he was planning on doing it. After Robin noted the only reason Artie went to the school was to avoid jail time, Artie recalled it was his lawyer’s idea that he do so following the 25 hours of community service he did for his attempted robbery arrest, and the fact he had no job or advanced education at the time either. Artie proceeded to say he chose the school in 1987 because he liked Howard’s show to “a crazy” extent, and added he figured he was one of the first generation directly affected by the show.

When Howard took a call from a listener who advised Artie to go on his hunting trip with Richard’s dad, he replied he’d made his decision, and that he wasn’t going hunting. Ralph then got on the line and noted he thought Sam Simon was “dead on” yesterday when he discussed how animals are treated when hunted, so he was happy with Artie’s choice. Will then came into the studio and reported his dad used to own a deer farm, explaining the practice of killing the animals involved shooting the animals and then slitting their throats so they’d bleed to death.

Artie asked Ralph what his thoughts were about Howard’s engagement, and he responded by wondering if Artie slept through his call yesterday when he addressed the issue on the air, which Artie had, in fact, done. Artie then admitted he didn’t remember Ralph calling into the show, and also said he needed to stay away from the free cupcakes on Wednesday to keep from falling asleep again.

Gary then came into the studio and reported he was stuck in a traffic jam yesterday, and, after 25 minutes of waiting, he decided to put back his seat and take a nap. Gary went on to say he figured that, as soon as the traffic started moving again, someone would honk their horn, and he’d wake up and drive away. After Gary reported the driver behind him did just that 15 minutes into his nap, Howard pointed out Gary could sleep anywhere at anytime, remembering the time he fell asleep next to him years ago on a flight home from Los Angeles.

Artie mentioned he was looking forward to the 18-hour music special that begins airing on Howard 101 at 3 p.m. tomorrow and continues throughout the weekend. Gary proceeded to come into the studio and announce he’d listened to most of the special, and thought it was what fans have been waiting to hear for years. Gary did wonder, though, why it seemed Howard “yelled” during many of the performances, and he replied there was a simple explanation. Howard then noted that, because he felt most of the artists weren’t used to playing acoustically, he’d try to motivate them not to stop in the middle of the songs by screaming to them like they were live in concert.

Howard played some clips from the special, including one of Green Day’s Billy Joe Armstrong cursing a number of times during a song even though it was broadcast on terrestrial radio. This led Gary to point out he thought Billy must’ve known he wasn’t supposed to say those words on the air, and Howard replied he thought it was Billy’s way of being controversial, especially because it was before the band’s return to prominence. When Gary next remembered members of the band smashed their instruments following the song, Artie noted he wasn’t a big fan, and that he considered Green Day to be “somewhere between Kansas and Jefferson Airplane.”

Riley Martin called in to welcome Beth to “the zone of horror,” warning her he felt her marriage to Howard would eventually end. Riley then insisted that, as his program allegedly grew in popularity, Howard refused to promote it, but Howard responded that wasn’t the case. Riley next noted he felt the following three reasons were why his show wasn’t being promoted: (1) Howard was busy having “brain-damaged urchins stick foreign objects up their orifices”; (2) Howard was too rich to care about him; and (3) Howard was “vindictive, jealous and insecure.” As Riley continued to scream, Howard turned down his call for a few seconds and explained Riley was really upset that he didn’t pick up his calls right away, but Riley insisted he didn’t call in that often.

Riley went on to say his was one of the most popular programs on SIRIUS, but Howard pointed out there was no way of really knowing that. Howard added he recently spoke to Mel Karmazin, the president of SIRIUS, and that Mel assured him if he found talent who could bring in subscribers, they’d be “paid handsomely.” Given this, Howard told Riley that if he was really attracting people to SIRIUS, Mel would be paying him accordingly.

When Riley announced he was prepared to renegotiate his contract in March to get more money, Howard told him that, due to budgetary concerns at SIRIUS, he was pretty sure Riley would be getting less money for his future broadcasts once his deal was discussed. Upon hearing that, Riley replied, “If I’m producing for you, f’ing pay me,” which led Howard to advise him to shop his show to terrestrial radio stations to see if they’d be willing to pay him better.

Ralph got on the line and called Riley’s show “a novelty act,” but he didn’t agree with the assessment, and told Ralph “to duck” when someone “flew an airplane up his ass.” Riley also commented he would never “kowtow” to Howard, which he said was another reason why he wasn’t making as much money as he thought he should. Tim Sabean then came into the studio to refute Riley’s claim that he wasn’t getting paid what his contract stipulated, and acknowledged Riley called “all the time” in an attempt to get a richer contract. Jessica Hahn also called in to criticize Riley, causing him to advise her to find “another preacher to let her suck his d*ck.”

Joan Rivers stopped in and gave Robin a gift she’d promised her last year: some of Vincent Price’s ashes. This led Joan to name some of the other people’s ashes – including those of her mother, her husband and her hairdressers – she had in her possession, and explained she kept them in “little plastic bags” that she stored in one big designer bag. After reporting she also had the ashes of all her dogs in her bag as well, Joan noted the ashes made her feel secure, despite what anyone thought about the collection. Joan added she wanted to be cremated herself, and that she planned to have all the ashes mixed with hers upon her passing.

Howard commented he felt Joan was so busy that she reminded him of “a Jamaican,” which led Joan to say she could’ve gotten him “a better deal” on his engagement ring. Joan went on to insist the 5.2-karat diamond Howard gave Beth wasn’t enough, and told him he should’ve gone with a 20-karat ring instead.

Joan then reported she was married twice, but that her first one only lasted seven months. Joan went on to say she wanted to be an actress at the time, but, because she didn’t have any work, took out her frustrations on her husband. Joan went on to admit she was “too showbiz” for her husband, whom she reported was the “typical rich guy” who supported her the way her parents once did. Joan also admitted she didn’t even know what oral sex was at the time, and that her father came to pick her up the day she notified him that she wanted a divorce.

Joan called Anna Nicole Smith’s death “sad,” but joked that she thought she died of “too much sperm,” and that TrimSpa was putting out another ad assuring people Anna Nicole would lose 30 pounds in the next month. Joan proceeded to say she didn’t feel sorry for Anna Nicole because of how she “blew her cards,” but did admit she felt badly for her baby. When Joan also noted she believed people in Anna Nicole’s life should’ve helped her through her problems, Artie replied he felt one of Dana’s faults, in comparison to “a sea” of his own faults, was that she should’ve “stuck around” longer to help him with some of his issues. However, both Joan and Robin took Dana’s side on the matter, explaining there was a point at which people simply couldn’t take such hardships no matter how much love they had in them.

Joan announced she and her daughter, Melissa, were hosting an Oscar red carpet show for the TV Guide Channel later this month, and referred to Jennifer Lopez as one of the most attractive women out there at the moment. This led Howard to say he once thought he could date Jennifer, recalling a friend of his, Booker, was seeing Jennifer’s sister, and even volunteered to bring Jennifer to his apartment one night. Howard added, though, that the meeting never took place, and he attributed it to Booker’s jealousy of him and Jennifer potentially getting together.

Joan next named Cameron Diaz and Penelope Cruz as two other women she found to be beautiful, before acknowledging she didn’t think Dane Cook was funny, and Chris Rock was her favorite comedian. Joan then called out Will Farrell and Carrie Underwood as being “mean” to her at the Grammys red-carpet event she hosted, and added she tried to be accommodating to all fans that approached her.

Following a delay because, as Ronnie the Limo Driver reported, Scott the Engineer was busy “flirting” with his intern, Mike Walker of the National Enquirer got on the line for this week’s round of The Gossip Game. According to the contest’s rules, Mike tells four gossip stories, only three of which are allegedly true. Everyone then tries to guess which of the report is definitely the false one. Here are the stories Mike offered this morning:

(1) Will Smith went to Tokyo to promote “The Pursuit of Happyness” and flew back to America the same day.

(2) Brad Pitt got upset when Angelina Jolie referred to their biological baby as “a blob.”

(3) Las Vegas police are investigating reports that Michael Jackson’s bodyguards took cameras belonging to members of the paparazzi.

(4) Matthew Perry almost turned down a role because the drug-addicted character hit “too close to home.”

While Howard picked the third story because he didn’t think Michael could afford bodyguards, Robin and Artie went with the Angelina Jolie report, and Fred chose the final one. Mike then revealed no one was correct, Will Smith did not fly to Japan just for one day.

When Shuli came into the studio to talk about today’s edition of the Howard 100 News, he revealed some fans were calling Sal out for supposedly stealing Richard’s ideas for prank calls. Sal then came into the studio and claimed he and Richard thought of scenarios for the prank calls together, so he wasn’t ripping Richard off. Shuli also accused Sal of being jealous that Richard wasn’t at work today because he was filming a role in the sequel to “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle,” but Sal denied that as well.

Sal questioned why Howard was getting married, which led him to wonder why Sal tied the knot in the first place. Sal responded by admitting he wasn’t all that happy with his wife right now, but added he wasn’t “completely miserable” either. Sal then said he didn’t want to get divorced, and that was why he refused to point out to her what he didn’t like about their relationship.

After Sal acknowledged he’d like more respect from his wife, Gary noted Sal was recently scolded by his wife in front of their kids for using the word “dicking” in their presence, and admitted he didn’t know whose side to take on the matter. Artie then said that, as smart and funny as he found Sal, he still considered him “a maniac,” so he felt some of his wife’s remarks about him were warranted. However, when Artie asked how much of Sal’s married life was “schtick,” Howard played clips of his wife yelling at him, which Sal insisted proved that none of it was exaggerated for the show.

• Gay men have written an advice book for women.

• A study shows teenagers are replacing marijuana use with prescription pills.

• President Bush claims his assertions that Iran is providing weapons to Iraq are legitimate.

• The president will address this and other issues in a news conference later today.

• Senator Clinton has compared the president’s statements about Iran to the ones he made about Iraq.

• Al Franken is running for senate in Minnesota.

• Ex-NBA player, Tim Hardway, acknowledged he “hates” gay people.

• John Amaechi, the former player who recently admitted he was gay, is about to release a book.

• Reports show the father of Anne Frank tried to get visas for them to become American citizens.

• Sharon Stone was accused of acting oddly at an auction in Berlin.

• The fight over what’s to be done to Anna Nicole Smith’s body continues in the courts.

• A nanny of Anna Nicole’s baby accused her of starving the child.

• Heather Mills might be joining the cast of “Dancing with the Stars.”

• Some people were stranded on JetBlue planes yesterday in New York for more than nine hours.

• Tracy Morgan was given a $1,000 fine and had his license suspended following his DUI arrest.

• Brad Garrett is one of the stars of “Music and Lyrics.”

• Tyler Perry has a new movie called “Daddy’s Little Girls.”

• A teen model died of anorexia.