HOT FOR TEACHER
The Howard Stern Show for October 2, 2007

Howard started the show noting that he wasn’t sure if Sal's wife, Christine, still loved him, and Robin pointed out that it was difficult to win women back. A caller thought Christine was too guarded during yesterday's session with Dr. Keith Ablow, and Robin agreed, saying both Sal and Christine needed individual counseling before they’ll be able to open up their marriage for scrutiny. Artie added that he was blown away by Sal's revelations about his father's infidelity; “Every time he opens his mouth, something new comes out.”

A caller said he was amazed at Sal's revelation about having to protect his mother from his father's affair. Artie called Sal's confession some “heavy shit,” and Howard speculated that Sal's issues with marriage and women are rooted in his father's past. Howard then played a clip of Sal complaining that the pink streak Christine has dyed into her hair was a warning sign, so Sal came in to say he didn't even try to have sex with Christine last night, because it would've “been like poking a gorilla in a cage.”

Artie said he would have difficulty dealing with the sight of his father kissing another woman, and Sal admitted that it was; he even watched his mother beat up one of the women. Howard asked Sal if he really talked to Christine after yesterday's therapy session, so Sal explained that she thinks all their problems lie with him. Artie said he felt bad for Sal, and Robin remarked that neither Sal nor Christine knew what was going on or how to do better.

Howard confessed that he goes to his psychiatrist regularly because he feels that something is missing from his life. Joey Boots called up to ask who was getting the money from yesterday's “The Heartbreak Kid” plugs, so Howard and Sal explained that he and Christine got $10,000 for the segment. Joey remarked that payment invalidated Christine's sincerity, but Howard said no one really thinks their marriage can be fixed on the radio.

Howard remarked that he had a rewarding heart-to-heart conversation with Beth yesterday. For the first time, he was able to listen to Beth's honest feelings without becoming defensive. Robin told Howard that he now has to try to keep this open communication going, and Howard admitted she was right, though it's “a hard thing.” Howard said it was the “best thing I've ever gone through,” and it made him feel bad for being so “enamored” with his “baggage.”

Jerry O'Connell stopped by to promote his new show, “Carpoolers,” and told the crew that the staff of his new show has nicknamed him “Stamos.” Jerry said he was in the studio today to act as a “bridge” between Howard and Rebecca [Romijn], as she's still upset with him. Howard said that when a relationship splits and you're friends with both people, it's almost like you have to choose. Jerry added that Rebecca also disputes some of Howard's claim about the infamous almost-girl-swap incident, but Howard countered that Rebecca and John were the ones who originally told the story on the air.

Jerry said Rebecca mostly talks about Howard as “a great guy,” but she gets emotional when he makes fun of Jerry or talks about “that night.” Howard told Jerry that the things he's said about him were “a joke, as if I was a jealous friend,” and agreed that he and Beth should go out to dinner with Jerry and Rebecca. Howard then ribbed Jerry about singing “You Saved The Best For Last” to Rebecca at their wedding.

Howard asked Jerry how he puts up with Rebecca's demand that he watch football on mute, so Jerry explained that they went to couples counseling before they got married. Howard then went through some of Jerry's sexual resume. Jerry denied cheating on Giuliana DiPandi with Ginger Spice, but admitted to dating both, as well as Estella Warren and Sarah Michelle Gellar. Jerry claimed he didn't cheat on any of them but was unclear if any overlapped.

Jerry noted that when he was growing up, his mother was Beetlejuice's special ed teacher, and Beetle was such a good student, he did special work as Jerry's mom's “assistant.” Howard asked Jerry if he was cool with his brother's season on “The Bachelor,” and Jerry explained that his brother was between projects at the time. Jerry speculated that “The Bachelor,” like “Rock of Love” or “I Love New York,” is an alcohol-fueled reality show.

Jerry told the crew that he and Rebecca watched John Stamos' old show, “Jake In Progress,” and Rebecca really wanted it to do well. After their divorce, Rebecca worried about John's ability to move on. Howard asked if Jerry was nervous when he first had sex with Rebecca, and Jerry admitted that he was. Howard then wondered how long Jerry had to wait until they had sex, but Jerry dodged the question.

Lisa G reported that Sal told some “Sirius executives” he was having lunch with that he's “not voting for that ‘shine’ Obama” in the middle of a nice restaurant. Sal came in to say his remarks were “taken out of content” and not racist – he was just trying to rib Tim Sabean, who had recently asked him to tone down his jokes. Jason came in to say that Sal's questionable manners were also exposed when he once made his napkin into a turban after an Indian man walked into the restaurant they were eating at.

Howard reported that Scott DePace played Halo 3 against Gary's son, Jackson, yesterday, so Gary came in to explain that he was working in his office while the supposedly “type A” and hard-working Scott was playing video games with his son via Xbox Live. Gary admitted that Jackson actually enjoyed the game and was impressed with Scott's skills, but Scott laughed that he stuck a “sticky bomb” to Jackson's back and blew him up.

Howard asked Scott why he was upset with the new Christmas gift exchange system, so Scott said he felt entitled to a gift after 16 years with the show. Gary came in to say that many TV shows give a Christmas gift to every staffer. Howard said he threw away 90% of the gifts people give him anyway, so he wanted to take the pressure off people to give him one in the first place. Scott then claimed he was “opting out” of the new system.

Richard came in to say he was going to give Howard a “Batman sword,” so Howard told Richard that he always goes too far for a gift that just ends up being handed over to Ralph. Ralph called up to explain that he goes through all of the gifts that people have sent Howard and picks out what he wants. Gary asked if Howard has liked any gift he's been given in the last three years, so Howard cited a couple of Robin's gifts; a letter opener and a book.

Will came in to say he resented Howard's statement that people who expect to make a lot of money shouldn't work at the show, adding that the lack of a cool year-ending gift “kind of sucks for the younger guys” who haven't worked at the show for very long and don't make much. Howard apologized for his remark, but refused to change the new “Secret Santa” gift system, no matter how “gay” Doug Goodstein thought the term was.

Howard brought in James, a business ethics professor who has been fired twice for having sex with his students, to play Win Fred's Money. Howard said he could never sleep with someone to whom he was an authority, but James claimed “the attraction is mutual.” Howard brought in Melanie, the 20-year-old reason he lost his last job, and she told the crew how they met outside of class at the tanning salon where she worked.

James noted that he just got a new job and had an “ABD,” which is almost a doctorate (“all [course work] but dissertation”). Howard asked James how he explains his frequent job changes to prospective employers, so James said he lies. Howard thought that James subconsciously didn't want to be an ethics professor, and Melanie reported that when she visited James in his office, he would try to get her to go down on him.

Howard then quizzed the contestants; James first (with Fred in Robin's soundproof studio), and then Fred:

1. Who was Edward Nigma's alter ego? Both Fred and James knew it was the Riddler.

2. In “Twas The Night Before Christmas,” which reindeer is mentioned last? James answered Rudolph, but Fred correctly named Blitzen.

3. What Mexican food's name translates as “little donkey”? James wrongly said “petit burro,” while Fred knew it was Burrito.

4. Which state name is the only one to end in a “k”? James took a pass, and Fred said, “We're standing in New York.”

5. Which international organization helps communication between police departments? Both guys correctly answered “Interpol.”

6. What city was once known as Constantinople? James said “Turkey,” but Fred knew it was Istanbul.

7. Which author's novels include “The Time Machine” and “The Invisible Man”? James didn't know, but Fred correctly cited H.G. Wells.

While James only got two of the questions right in a minute, Fred won by nailing all seven in 45 seconds. Artie yelled “Let's get creepy!” as Howard lowered the curtain from around a topless Melanie and everyone marveled at her “amazing” boobs. Gary then came in and successfully negotiated with Melanie for 20 seconds of her in nothing but panties. Howard told James that he now knew why he couldn't resist Melanie, and thanked them both for coming in.

Howard brought in Jim Karol, a “mentalist” who can read minds, perform memory stunts, and heat up tin foil from across a room. Artie volunteered to put the tin foil in his hand first, so Jim licked the foil, placed it in Artie's hand, and said, “Pain, heat, heat.” Artie said he felt nothing. Jim then tried the trick on Howard and Howard screamed in pain, noting that the foil left a “welt.” Jim then tried the trick on Robin and Artie again, but only warmed the foil, not letting them feel “full power.”

Jim then presented Howard with a “truth chair” that shocks people who lie as they're sitting on it, and he then memorized the order of an entire deck of cards, listing them after looking at them once. Jim then asked Robin to write down a number from between 1 and 999, and then look at Howard. Howard correctly guessed that Robin's number was “982” and Robin flipped out. Jim had Robin repeat the process with a word. Howard again guessed correctly (“f@#k”) and Artie said the stunt was “the coolest trick ever.”

• The MLB playoff match-ups are set.

• Brett Favre has so far led the Green Bay Packers to a 4-0 record.

• Lou Pearlman's former associates are saying he's a sexual predator.

• Someone has paid $101,000 to visit the studio in Chevy Chase's charity auction.

• Britney Spears is an unfit mother.

• The jury in the Isiah Thomas case is deciding punitive damages.

• A Nevada man is being hunted for multiple counts of child rape.

• A Cleveland woman drowned her daughters.

• A New York woman is suing Apple over the iPhone price drop.

• The iPod Touch has been released.

• The family of a woman found dead in an airport holding cell is investigating her death.

• A Scottish man endured a 4-week hangover.

• The woman convicted of killing her husband has been barred from seeing her children.

• Aretha Franklin is casting a biopic based on her life.

• Paula Abdul wants to be a mom.

• A coroner's jury will be making an inquest into Princess Diana's death.

• Ben Affleck is blaming his tanking career on the tabloids.