SECRET AGENT SYKES
The Howard Stern Show for October 29, 2009

Robin told the crew she went to the opera with Melissa Zapin last night, leading Howard to wonder if Ross spent another lonely night at home. Gary came in to report that Ross was at the Yankee game last night – and will be attending the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame concert tonight. According to Gary, Jason, who was at last night's game as well, overheard Ross complaining: "I can't believe she's at the opera!" Artie laughed: "I watched the game last night and believe me, I wish I went to the opera."

Wanda Sykes stopped by to promote her new “Wanda Sykes Show.” Howard thought Wanda looked great, but Wanda took exception with being told she “looked better in person,” explaining: "I just look bigger on TV. HD is not my friend." Howard was surprised to learn Wanda, who is now an out-of-the-closet lesbian, was once married to a man for 5 years, so Wanda explained she hadn't yet accepted her sexuality: "I knew something [else] was there...I [told myself] 'Hey, don't do that.'"

Wanda added that she struggled more than most: "People know early. I just think that some people decide to go with it or try to be normal. And I tried to be normal." Robin asked if she'd loved her husband, and Wanda shrugged: "Yeah. Or it was what I thought love was...he had a nice ass, so I guess I was [in love]." Howard wondered how the sex worked, so Wanda claimed she just thought: "Well this is the way it's supposed to be...you just gotta make certain moves. Certain adjustments."

Wanda said she'd since married a white woman – and expressed surprise that interracial gay relationships irked straight people: "When we do catch flack, it's from black straight women. It's funny. I'm like, 'You're straight. It's not like you lost one.'" Howard asked if her wife was hot, and Wanda laughed that she might not be his type: "Not super femme, but she's hot."

Howard again demanded to know who tipped Ronnie about the email detailing Ronnie's behavior at Rick's Cabaret with Medicated Pete, but Ronnie refused to name his source, citing "the man code." Robin disputed Ronnie's definition: "That's not a 'man code,' that's a prison code." Howard said he was disappointed that Ronnie wasn't ultimately/most loyal to him and decided to dub Ronnie “Fredo the Limo Driver."

Bigfoot stopped by to promote some Halloween party he was hosting at a bar in NYC and reported that he'd both lost weight and landed himself a girlfriend: "She likes my big cock it is. It makes her cum a lot." Bigfoot added she nearly out-sized him: "She's about 6'4" too. Real attractive. She's about as skinny as a fence-pole." Bigfoot continued bragging about his sexual prowess: "When I go into her I go down and deep it is."

Howard had his suspicions about Bigfoot's giant girlfriend: "She's definitely a female right?" Bigfoot claimed to have seen evidence: "I checked this one out. She definitely has a pussy." Bigfoot then complained about being harassed by his neighbors in Vermont "because I'm so big and popular on the Howard Stern Show it is."

Bigfoot told the crew he had two court courses pending – one for spitting on someone who was "trying to rip my door handle off" and another for giving a cigarette to a 14-year-old: "I sell cigarettes all the time up there it is." Howard asked if Bigfoot thought he was competent to stand trial, and Bigfoot snapped: "I don't think so." While discussing the cigarette case, Bigfoot began ranting: "I'm not an ‘alester.’ I don't ‘alest’ every girl I see it is. I just let 'em offer what they want...I'd rather jerk off...I'm about the honestest person alive it is." He also brought one of his friends from Vermont with him and introduced the crew to Jannon, who is a 24 year old mother of two. Howard asked Jannon if she was ever worried about Bigfoot "alesting" her, but Jannon just laughed and said that he was a giant teddy bear.

Howard got Mike Walker from The National Enquirer on the line, as he does every Thursday, to play “The Gossip Game,” in which Mike reads four gossip items – three (allegedly) true, one false – and the crew has to guess the fake. This week's stories:

1. “Twilight” star Robert Pattinson – and his family – were flashed by a bunch of fans.

2. After single conciliatory call about her dog's death, Tony Romo was inundated with phone calls from Jessica Simpson.

3. Joan Collins accepted flowers from a fan – but refused the portrait he painted for her.

4. Leonardo DiCaprio delivered a birthday cake to fellow restaurant-goer.

Howard and Fred went with Joan Collins, saying there was no way she'd ever refuse any image of herself – no matter how badly it was painted. Robin thought Leonardo DiCaprio was too fiercely private to join a stranger's party. Artie laughed that Tony Romo would never make that first call to Jessica Simpson. Mike then announced that no one was right – the Robert Pattinson item was false.

Some Phillies fans will do ANYTHING for World Series Tickets.

Chaz Bono is shaving.

Corey Feldman is getting divorced.

The 2-night Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame concerts begin tonight.

The Yankees lost Game 1 of the World Series.

A Richmond, CA high school's Homecoming dance turned into a gang-rape.

Levi Johnston was on “The Early Show” yesterday.