KENDRA IS SEX SOBER
The Howard Stern Show for November 2, 2009

Howard learned that Will was steaming over the Phillies’ loss last night and had a history of violence at sporting events. Will came in to confirm: "I've been thrown out of games a bunch of times." Will said he'd even once jumped on a woman's back because she was wearing an opposing team's jersey: "I was drunk and she was wearing a Vikings jersey and it was a playoff game...at least she was a Vikings fan."

Howard wondered if Will just needed more love: "You need a hug, bro." Will confessed he was having issues lately: "We're in the middle of trying to have kids and I don't know...you know one of the side effects of chemotherapy [Will is a cancer survivor] is you can't have kids...I can shoot something it's just...there's no sperm at all." Howard offered to donate some sperm and told Will he may be impotent, but he's still the best looking staffer. Will laughed: "That's some sad shit."

Artie said he was also guilty of bad bleacher behavior, once yelling at an opposing team’s third base coach named Ludoff to the tune of “Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer”: "Ludoff the third base coach had a very dumpy ass."

Artie laughed that a friend got him in the worst trouble, yelling at a child fan of the opposing team: "'Hey Blue Jay kid – I f’ed your sister last night.' She was 16, I think. The father hears it. He turns around and says, 'What the f’ did you say?' And my buddy says, 'I said I f’ed your daughter last night.' So the guy swings, me and my buddy swings and we got thrown out."

Howard announced that he was going to reveal "the rat" who leaked information from the show's internal message group – but first asked everyone to guess who they thought it was. The guys in the back office collective decided it was Tim Sabean. The guys in the HowardTV voted for Jared Fox. Robin and Artie thought it was HowardTV head honcho Doug Goodstein. Gary said the guys in the office had even created a leader board with photos of the top suspects to keep track of them all.

Later, Jared came in to confess: "So first off – the thing that I object to – I wasn't being a rat. I was trying to protect Ronnie...I saw that there could be an HR issue...and wanted to make sure he didn't bring the intern out." Jared admitted that he thought the leak issue would blow over: "I thought the best was to deal with this – I was hoping it would just go away."

Howard noted that Jared had vehemently denied the accusations last week – going so far as to yell at JD for suggesting that he was the rat. Jared said he'd tried his best to make up for it: "I did apologize to him." Howard was shocked: "You are really good. You're a good liar." Robin was pissed: "I'm not gonna be able to trust another thing you say!"

Howard said Jared was also the center of another controversy – over photos of his “Chippendale dancer” Halloween costume. Jared explained that High Pitch Mike had taken the pictures without his consent and posted them on Facebook. Jared said he just feared for his future: "I don't want that to become a part of my corporate persona." Artie was grossed out: "What he did to those pictures? God!"

Inspired by a rumor about Ross Zapin making money off a Halloween party he organized a local bar, Sal came in to attack Ross' character: "He's a wheeler and dealer." Howard stoked the fire: "I heard you don't like him." Sal started slow:

"Ross is ok. He's a little pompous. He's a little arrogant. He's a little douchey." Sal questioned Ross' friendship with Howard: "I don't see how you could hang out with a guy like that. His breath smells like an f’ing sewer...it can knock you on your ass."

Sal then attacked Ross' job performance: "The guy doesn't exactly have a sparkling track record...he's not the pope around here." Howard thought Sal was going too far, but Sal continued: "Where is the Sirius promotion? Everywhere I look around, I don't see this place promoted." Ross called in to defend himself, but Sal kept at it: "You're like the Paris Hilton of the Howard Stern show." Ross replied: "I'd be more than happy to walk you through [my job]. I didn't know I had to report to you now."

Kendra Jade stopped by to promote Vh1's “Celebrity Sex Rehab” and told the crew she'd only starred in "not that many" porn films: "Like maybe 10 or 15." Kendra cited the time she tried to blow Jerry Springer as a low point: "Well I couldn't have sex with him..." Kendra hinted that Jerry had performance issues and had to lend himself a hand: "He finished himself." At least Jerry had the courtesy to finish on her chest.

Howard laughed: "You know how I know you're a sex addict? You drove four hours to f’ Mike Gange." Kendra agreed, saying she'd also cheated on everyone she'd ever been with (except her current husband): "You try to fill this void, right?" Gange came in to explain why he had to break things off: "She would page me 50 times...and she was writing me 10 page letters. I mean, we'd hooked up once and she was writing me 10-page letters."

Kendra said she was in a bad place during the banging-Gange era: "It took me a long time to get sane." At the time, she was 65lbs heavier: "I was drinking a lot of Jager."

Howard asked if she'd ever cheated on Lukas Rossi, her current husband, and Kendra confessed: "In the beginning of our relationship, I definitely came close...I still have a problem telling a difference between healthy sex and not-healthy sex." Artie clarified: "Healthy sex is with someone else."

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