ARTIE’S CLINT EASTWOOD STORY
Artie told a story about shooting ‘The Norm Show’ on the Warner Brothers’ lot and always seeing Clint Eastwood whipping around in a golf cart between sets. Artie said he and Norm would toss a football back and forth between takes – and catch Clint nearly hitting Artie’s Cadillac all the time: “He would miss my car by a half an inch every day…so every day I prayed for Clint Eastwood to f’ing run into my car so I could say to him, ‘Hey man, what’s the f’ing problem?’”
Artie added that Clint’s presence was palpable: “That’s a movie star, when you see him from 20ft away on a f’ing golf cart and you’re like, ‘That’s a f’ing big star. That’s an icon.’
SCOTT MAKES HOWARD THINK TWICE
Scott DePace came in to qualify some statements he made on yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show about Howard’s holiday/staff party/’present.’ Scott said he just didn’t want to leave home for another stripper party – something he trusts Howard will avoid: “The wedding was awesome so I’m sure it’s gonna be awesome.”
Despite Scott’s assurances, Howard was unsettled, worrying that Scott – or anyone else – might not have a good time: “Why am I doing this?” Fred said he still wanted to do a show-wide Secret Santa gift exchange, but Howard opted out: “This [event] is my gift. You guys do what you want.”
THE MEDICATED PETE DATING GAME
Howard welcomed Medicated Pete to the studio and had him sit down next to the three Dating Show contestants: Dynah, Chris and Lila. Howard first addressed Dynah, asking if she was troubled by Pete’s tendency to shoot in his pants during strip club visits. Dynah shrugged: “It could be a little daunting, you know.”
Dynah said she suffered from Friedreich’s Ataxia, a degenerative disease that’s left her in a wheelchair. Howard asked if she’d ever encountered anyone who had wheelchair fetish, and she nodded (“It kinda trips me out a little.”), explaining that pictures of herself get a lot of hits on the Internet – particularly the ones of her wearing flip-flops: “It’s the combination of the feet and the chair.”
A WHEELCHAIR WON’T STOP HER
Dynah claimed her disability didn’t hinder her in the bathroom: “Sometimes I might have trouble balancing in certain positions.” Howard then gave Pete an opportunity to ask a question – so Pete asked: “What’s your thinking about me so far?” Dynah replied: “You seem pretty cool…but you seem like you need to be coaxed out of your shell a little.” Pete was typically effusive: “Sounds good.”
A BIG EX-CON WITH BIG BOOBS
Chris, the second contestant, said she was an ex-con: “I got out July 3rd.” Howard observed that Chris was a large woman, leading Chris to explain: “I put on a lot of weight in jail. All they do is feed you carbs.” Howard thought she’d be perfect for Pete if he was a breast man, and Pete continued to break ground: “I actually am into breasts.”
Chris said she was convicted for stealing funds from her employer: “I was in charge of the books and I had a big gambling problem…I would write checks to myself and put ‘em in – put ‘em in my account.” For his question, Pete asked what Riker’s Island was like, and Chris said it was “rough” but dorm-like: “Some of them were hostile toward me ‘cause – ‘cause I’m white.”
