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HAPPY NEW YEAR
The Howard Stern Show for January 4, 2010

BENJY'S NOT-THE-HOTTEST DATE

Howard noted that Benjy had brought a World's Strongest Naked Woman contestant to the staff holiday party: "I had no idea Benjy had hooked up with a girl who was on our show."
Howard said he'd first heard of Benjy's date when she was a contestant on Vh1's 'My Antonio' ("Pretty wild. Pretty wild girl.") and speculated that she was the most attractive girl Benjy had dated. Benjy refused to agree: "I don't feel there is a hottest."

HOWARD’S HOLIDAY PARTY WAS A RAGER

Howard then thanked the staff at Lure Fishbar for making the holiday party a great time: "It really was a beautiful party. I don't think anyone complained." Howard added that Sal did a really great job hosting karaoke--despite Ronnie the Limo Driver's best efforts to hijack the hosting job.
Even Beth, who thought karaoke would be fun, tired of Ronnie's screams: "She said 'Oh my god it was so loud after a while. I couldn't take it'...Ronnie was shitfaced." Robin agreed: "He was a riot."

THE STAFF GOT A LITTLE LOOSE

Howard went over some of most hilarious moments from the party, starting with rumors that Benjy had his hand up his date’s dress below the table in one of the booths. Benjy denied it: "I don't think so...she was kissing my neck but she wasn't..." Howard also cited one of Sal's karaoke intros ("This next one's for the girl I really want to f’: Mary Dell'Abate.") as a high-point, as well as Ronnie's screaming rendition of Cher's 'If I Could Turn Back Time' and Jackie 'The Joke Man' Martling singing his 'Joke Hunt' theme song--without musical accompaniment.
Later, Richard came in to accuse Howard of pushing people around on the dance-floor, and Howard fessed up: "That was the most fun I had all night...I would just take them and push them." Howard then turned the tables and asked if Richard had been able to avoid alcohol over the break, but Richard replied that his brush with gout hadn't slowed him down: "Oh definitely not. I had a lot." Richard added that he didn't drink as much as Ronnie: "When you see him at these parties it's like he's unleashed." Howard laughed: "Yeah and that's coming from an alcoholic!"

BRIAN PHELAN BEDS HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW

Brian Phelan came in to say he was so drunk after the holiday party that he got in bed with his mother-in-law: "I took all my clothes off. I was drunk. And I just I staggered into my bedroom and jumped in my bed...AND my mother-in-law was like, 'Oh! You're home!'" Brian said it was his bed, so he made her get out: "Of course I stayed in the bed. I was home!" Asked how much he'd had to drink, Brian shrugged that he had been tipping the bartenders who were just handing him drinks every time he got near the bar.

HOWARD'S LUNCH WITH JACKIE 'THE JOKE MAN'

Howard said he went out to lunch with Jackie the day after the party--and almost left on arrival when Jackie greeted him: "Hey you f’ing Jew bastard." Howard said they ate at a place near his apartment because "I'm not traveling to hear Jackie ask me for something." Robin wondered what Jackie wanted, so Howard explained that Jackie wanted a bigger presence on the airwaves--anywhere: on Howard's channels, other Sirius XM channels or even terrestrial radio. Howard said he gave his full permission: "I don't think there was one question asked about how I'm doing. It's assumed I'm doing fine."

HOWARD COMMENTS ON ARTIE'S ABSENCE

Howard knew he had to comment on Artie's absence: "Artie is obviously not here today...I don't know what the rumors are." Howard went on to say that Artie's family had asked to control the information that was made public: "I'm going to honor that and respect that." A caller claimed Jim Breuer had said something about Artie quitting the show, but Howard refuted it: "I don't know what Jimmy said but that is not true. I don't know where that comes from."

THE TIGER WOODS MISTRESS BEAUTY PAGEANT

Howard announced that they had found a sponsor willing to put up the $100,000 prize for the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant. He went on to explain that any of the women who've slept with Tiger Woods are welcome to enter. The crew debated how to judge the women--Howard eventually decided that he wanted to get each woman in a bathing suit and ask them about their night(s) with Tiger.

RALPH RUINS NEW YEAR'S EVE

Howard said Ralph had committed a serious snafu on New Year's Eve: "He really needs to go to a meeting." Ralph called in to say he'd since quit drinking, so Howard snapped: "You wanna know something. Good idea...you got a real issue." Howard went on: "I'm holding back on purpose because I'm that aggravated." Robin pressed for more details, but Howard refused to give specifics on the air: "Then it just all becomes a joke and it's not a joke with me."

IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN'S NEWS


Contributions by: Michael Dempster & Jason Kaplan
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Howard said he enjoyed 'The Road.'
Both Howard and Robin raved about the Werner Herzog's 'Bad Lieutenant' remake.
Eric the Midget called in to say Bubba the Love Sponge would be on tonight's TNA.
Fred recommended 'I Survived.'
The crew listened to the most recent of Dick Clark's slurred New Year's Eve countdowns.
Howard said 'Trucker' was great.
Yucko called in to scold Ralph for ruining Howard’s New Year’s Eve party.
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