AND NOVAK MAKES THREE
The Howard Stern Show for November 19, 2008

Artie started off the show telling a story about taking a helicopter to his book signing in Long Island yesterday, noting that he got a deal on the chopper through Artemis Pyle's security guy: "He only charged me for fuel...we went right along the shoreline. It took us 31 minutes." Robin thought Artie should appreciate Teddy more, as it was Ted who remembered that Artemis' security guy owned the ‘copter and arranged the flight. Artie begrudgingly agreed.

Howard noted that JD and Jared Fox would be handcuffed together at 7am. JD came in to say it would be difficult to be handcuffed to anyone - not just Jared - for 24 hours, especially with a camera on them the whole time.

JD promised to last at least until the afternoon, and Jared came in to say JD was welcome to stay at his house. Jared's only stipulation was that JD accompany him to the gym: "I've got things to do today and one of them is the gym." Jared noted that he'd also have to shower after the gym, leading JD to say that while he would stand on an adjacent treadmill while Jared ran, he was apprehensive about the post-workout shower situation.

Jared added a few other plans to the pair's agenda, including a 2pm dump and an investment banker party at an "exclusive" nightclub.

Dominic Barbara then called in to double the $1,000 prize for the guy who gets his competitor to quit. Later, at the stroke of 7:02am, JD and Jared were handcuffed together...with fur-lined handcuffs. Jared said it was a little awkward, which surprised JD, who sarcastically asked: "A little? What - have you ever been handcuffed to someone before?" Jared deadpanned: "Yes."

Howard played a voicemail from Eric the Midget, who was still upset at Natalie Maines: "I want to butt-f’ her and I want to butt-f’ her so hard that she squeals like the little pig she looks like...it's gonna cost her her butthole to be my friend again..she's gonna have to pay with that chubby little butthole of hers...it's gonna happen!"

So, I was wondering if you've heard anything about that?" Eric then called in with Johnny Fratto, but Howard took so long to get to the call, Johnny had fallen asleep and could be heard snoring loudly on the line. Eric asked if Natalie had sent word yet, but Howard didn't have time for it: "No...and thank Johnny for the great radio, this was his best call yet."

Yucko then called to call Eric the most ungrateful person on the show, which Howard agreed with, but Eric pretty much shut Yucko up when he asked who his ex-wife was sleeping with these days.

Bam Margera stopped by with his wife Missy and friend, Brandon Novak, to promote their latest video, "Where the F’ is Santa?" Bam said he brought Novak because he'd do anything, as he's tossed aside all his morals after losing his pro-skateboarding career to heroin addiction.

Novak laughed that his addiction was devastating - he was once so high, he tried to bang his own mom (thinking she was someone else): "I was high as a kite...I slipped my hand right up her mummu..and the second I feel a little wetness, she flew away like a wolverine on angel dust."

Howard asked Missy, if it was annoying to have to be surrounded by all the "Jackass" stunts, and she admitted she bit off more than she could chew: "When I married Bam, I didn't realize I was marrying all his friends too...sometimes I feel like I'm married to Novak." Bam laughed that he also recently tried Missy's patience by losing his wedding ring while drunkenly fooling around at a metal show. Missy said she was still upset about it: "I cried for a week."

Novak told the crew that he'd do pretty much anything for cash - even gay sex acts: "I'll take one pump for $250." Howard decided that Novak should lick Richard's taint, so Richard came in and dropped trou’ ("I'm worried.") and Novak spat out his gum, setting his own agenda: "C'mere, gimme that asshole!"

Everyone screamed their reaction as Brandon tongued Richard, who resisted until Brandon told him to submit: "Don't make this rape turn into a murder, boy!" After the tongue lashing, Richard said it felt like "someone shoving a wet piece of toilet paper up my bunghole."

Gary then came in to say Sal had a big juicy hemorrhoid and might let Novak lick it. Sal disputed the story, saying he'd only do the stunt if the prize money was sweetened: "If you make it a grand, I'll do it." Sal then turned around and bent over to show the crew what they were paying for.

Howard was disgusted by "something hanging there," and Artie thought it looked like Sal was shitting out an eyeball. Even Novak refused to suck the inflamed 'rhoid and Howard thanked him, remarking that he was scared of the health risks involved.

Bam noted that he once tried to have a threesome with Missy and another guy (the lead singer of the rock group H.I.M.), but Missy had turned them down. Bam admitted that it would've been a little awkward - in the morning: "It would've been fun, but the next day when I woke up..." Missy agreed, saying she didn't even consider it. Howard then plugged HowardTV's "The Most Outrageous Stern Show Moments of 2008," which will be hosted by Bam, and declared that Novak tonguing Richard's butthole was sure to be number one.

Two hours after the handcuffs were placed on them, Howard checked in with the guys and Jared joked that the test was actually bringing them together: "I think we'll be friends after this...we're building a common bond here."

JD almost agreed (we think): "He's like he always is...I don't know...I guess, I don't know." Howard asked if JD would be able to pee in front of Jared. JD confessed that he was a little pee shy and had stopped drinking water altogether to avoid the situation: "I can't [even] go to public bathrooms." Howard then wondered if the pair might end up enjoying the contest so much that they stay handcuffed after it's over.

MTV has a new Britney Spears documentary coming out.

Pirates are back and on the attack.

"24" returns this Sunday.

The automaker bailout may be on the way.

President Elect Obama is making appointments.

The economy is affecting holiday travel plans.

Nicole Kidman is retiring from acting.

"60 Minutes" was the number one TV show last week.

John Travolta and Miley Cyrus provided voices for "Bolt."

"Frost/Nixon" is coming to theaters.