HOWARD SKIPS ROBIN'S BENEFIT
Howard started off the show saying he skipped Robin's charity benefit last night. Robin was disappointed: "I thought maybe you'd surprise me." A puzzled Howard asked: "By showing up?" Robin laughed: "By buying a painting!" Robin's joke left Howard even more confused: "You told me not to!"
Robin reported that the event was a success, as it was really just meant to raise awareness in the UN’s Girl Fund. Robin added that she was particularly moved by a charity worker who told her about going door-to-door to ask that people send their daughters to school. Howard didn't think that sounded like a good time: "When I hear these stories, it makes me want to vomit. [But] somebody's got to do the work. I'm proud of you."
AN ARTIE & ADRIAN UPDATE
Howard asked Artie how long he'd been with his girlfriend, so Artie reported he'd been with Adrian for quite a while now: "It's been six months." Howard wondered if they'd gone so far was to cohabitate, and Artie laughed that, while she doesn’t spend all her time with him, she does stay with him a lot: "Oh yeah...at my apartment and my house down the shore as well." Robin asked if she had a drawer, leading Artie to joke that Adrian had all of them: "A drawer? I don't have a drawer!"
Howard was surprised at Adrian's quick work: "She's gotten farther in 6 months than Dana did in years." Artie disagreed, citing Dana's dog, which often stayed at his house even though he hated it. Artie added that he was a lucky man to have Adrian: "Sometimes I'll say to her, 'Why are you still here?'" Asked what his sister thinks of Adrian, Artie claimed Stacy had given her approval: "She thinks she's young, you know...but she likes her a lot." Howard thought Adrian would be around for a while: "Stacey is the key." Fred didn't agree, saying he didn't think Adrian was "the one" for Artie.
A COUPLE’S LIFE IN PORN
Howard got husband-and-wife porn duo 'Shawn' and 'Kelly' on the line to see if he could get them to have sex while they were on the phone. Kelly claimed they'd already started: "He's actually giving me oral right now as I'm talking to you." After saying they frequently had threesomes ("It's not that hard. We go to strip clubs a lot."), Kelly held the receiver to her vagina as Shawn worked on her. Howard was grossed out: "Sounds like he's brushing his teeth."
The pair then had sex for a couple minutes--and finished up with alarming speed. Howard was unimpressed: "Lucky guy. [But] what does it do me?" A caller named Adam wanted to have phone sex with Kelly: "Actually I have one hand on the wheel and one hand on the phone but I can work some magic with the elbow." Kelly obliged: "How would you like to stick your cock in me and f’ me, Adam?" Adam replied: "Actually I'd like to stick it in your mouth." Kelly was game: "Just don't get it in my eye."
SAL'S BREATH KILLS THE MOOD
Sal came in tell the crew that the state of his marriage had been steadily improving--they've even begun having sex again. Sal complained that he still felt restricted and/or paralyzed ("I'm like Terry Schiavo around her.") by the little things that come between them, like his supposedly-bad breath: "It's like the shit fairy comes down and dumps a load in my mouth every time I get an erection."
THE SUPERFAN TRIVIA CHAMPIONSHIP
Howard welcomed Matt, Steve and Gina to the studio to play a final round of 'Superfan Trivia,' explaining that they were the champions of previous rounds held on Mutt's 'Superfan Roundtable.' The trivia started easy with a 5-point question round:
What is Robin Quivers' middle name? All three knew it was Ophelia.
How many children does Howard have? All the contestants knew he had three.
Which staffer dated Ivy Supersonic? Again, everyone knew the answer: Benjy.
Which staffer claims to have received blowjobs from over 80 women? All three laughed that it was Jon Hein.
