SHE'S HAVING CHUCKY'S BABY!
The Howard Stern Show for October 28, 2004

Howard was upset this morning over an AP article referred to him as the "foul mouthed radio personality" in an article about his confrontation with Michael Powell. Howard wondered whatever happened to objective journalism. The phrase "foul mouthed" is a subjective opinion. He noticed that they referred to Michael Powell as "FCC Chairman", so why wasn't Howard referred to as "radio personality"? Howard said his journalism professor in college would have slapped him over the head if he ever wrote an article like that. This is all from an article about how Colin Powell came out to defend his son Michael on CNBC. Colin said that Howard's assertion that he helped Michael get his job is nonsense and if anything, he joked, Michael helped him get his job at the White House. Howard said if that's the case, he wants to know exactly why Powell was made Chairman over everyone else at the FCC? And why was one of his jobs out of college serving as Dick Cheney's assistant? Howard also wants Powell's military history examined, because there is something weird that happened with him and a car accident he got into. Howard also noted that Colin Powell was once involved in a deal where a whole bunch of rich African Americans, like OJ Simpson and Patrick Ewing, took advantage of at tax break meant for minorities to purchase TV stations. Howard said the tax breaks were to help poorer minorities, not rich ones. Howard also said that Michael Powell should be investigating whether or not Star Jones is breaking any payola laws by promising companies plugs on the View in exchange for free products.

Chaunce Hayden defied all expectations and became even creepier today. He revealed that on his radio show he received oral from a quadriplegic. As he mentioned yesterday, Chaunce has an amputee fetish. He claims he can get a woman off by rubbing her stump a certain way, and that he can get off just by rubbing their stump into his crotch. Chaunce, who claims his now defunct internet radio show had an audience of 1 million, said that he had the woman on for an interview. She was a former model who became a quadriplegic after being in a bad car accident. Chaunce claimed the woman asked him if she could give him oral and he said ok. She had a big, fat nurse with her who had to stay in the room in case the woman fell out of her chair or something. So Chaunce walked up the woman in her wheel chair and started pleasing himself with her mouth. The woman couldn't move anything below her neck, so Chaunce had to do most of it himself. Chaunce said he did go to completion. Everyone in the studio thought that was about the most disgusting thing they've ever heard. Artie said that Chaunce sounded like he was one small step away from banging a dead chick.

Howard played many news clips about the call he made to Michael Powell. Howard kept saying that this should not be a big news story because the Chairman of the FCC should be easily assessable to the public. One of the reports he played questioned whether or not the station that had Powell on and allowed Howard's call to go through could lose their license. Howard said that's impossible, but he wouldn't put it past the FCC to start holding up their license renewals or block station purchases or things of that nature. Howard said this just goes to show how afraid of the FCC everyone is. Howard repeated throughout the show how badly he wanted to interview Powell. He said that 10 minutes on someone else's show did not cut it. Howard said not only should Powell make himself available for an interview, but he should not fear Howard at all. Howard said he's sure Powell is much smarter than he is since he is a lawyer. Howard said he's just a dopey DJ, so what does Powell have to fear? Howard said he might have to do what Michael Moore did in his film Roger and Me and go around documenting his attempts to interview the elusive Michael Powell.

Scott the Engineer said today that he was in the hospital a couple of days ago because he had some chest pains. It turns out his arteries and his lungs, surprisingly, are fine, he he's having some sort of breathing problem. Scott said it was probably because he's out of shape, but Howard had a hard time believing that his lungs checked out ok. Howard thought Scott would be dead long before now because of how much he smokes. Howard met Scott 19 years ago and figured he'd kick it within 3 years of that, but here he is. Scott told Howard that he stopped smoking a year ago, but Howard told him he's been smoking for like 50 years so he doubts that makes much of a difference. Howard joked that Scott looked horrible today, but that he always looks horrible.

Howard heard from someone that Gary is taking a new publicity photo and is trying to decide between four different pictures. Howard heard that most of them are pretty gay. One is him in a cab, another has him throwing his arms up like he's crazy, one is like a mug shot and one is him throwing out the first pitch at the Mets game. Gary said everyone is telling him to go with the one of him in the cab, but Howard didn't understand the concept. Howard said he'd like to see a picture of Gary actually working as a producer. Or, how about one of him at home washing the dishes. Gary shot back saying that Howard should then change his photo to one of him writing a big fat alimony check, which shut Howard up pretty quick. You can view some of the photos here and vote on which one you think Gary should use.

Actress Jennifer Tilly came in to promote her new movie Seed of Chucky. Robin couldn't believe they are still making these Chucky movies. Jennifer couldn't believe it either. Howard was trying to figure out the concept of the plot of the movie. Somehow the Chucky Doll has sex with a girl doll, and gets her pregnant in the last movie. But then in this movie they pick a real person to carry the baby and use a turkey baster on her. It sounded kind of confusing, but Artie pointed out that for this type of movie, you really have to suspend a lot of reality to enjoy it. Jennifer claimed that she listens to the show almost every day for about 45 minutes so Howard decided to quiz her on what she knew. She came close on many of the questions but didn't really get one right. She thought Maryanne was from NJ, not Brooklyn, and thought Jeff the Drunk's name was Jerry the Drunk. She said she knew of Wendy the Retard but then didn't recognize her voice when Howard played it. She didn't know who High Pitch Erik was either. Howard started to doubt she listened to the show, but she swore she did. Howard commented that Jennifer's boobs looked really great in her outfit and estimated that she had about 90% of them showing. Jennifer said no way! It was more like 35%. Artie chimed in with the definitive opinion - 85%.

Jennifer used to be married to Simpsons creator Sam Simon and received a lot of money in the divorce from him. So much, in fact, that she has a black Amex card which only really rich people can get. Sam called in to say hi to his ex wife. He said that she still receives money from the Simpsons because he still does. He said that she has part of his points, which made Artie groan. The worst part is, Jennifer has never seen the Simpsons and actually tried to talk Sam out of working on it because she thought it would be a failure. It was good for the both of them that it wasn't. Sam said that Jennifer called him awhile ago all emotional, talking about how much the Simpson money has changed her life and there was something she wanted to say. Sam said he was convinced she was going to tell him he didn't have to give her any more money, but instead all she said was Thank You. Sam wasn't too happy with that. Sam said that Jennifer always buys the same things he does, like he bought a Bentley so then she did. Jennifer said she knows Sam always buys the best things so she copies him. Sam later found out that she bought an Aston Martin for her boyfriend!! That really drove him nuts. Jennifer claims she was conned into it though. Sam was also surprised to learn that Jennifer dated a gay man for two months. Jennifer said she didn't know he was gay when she started dating them, but they only had sex a few times and if he ever opened up his eyes during sex he'd lose his erection.