DOUBLE THE PLEASURE
The Howard Stern Show for December 13, 2006

Howard began this morning saying he felt David Letterman seemed “genuinely happy” to see him during his appearance yesterday on “Late Show.” Howard noted the show’s audience gave him “a double ovation” because he gave each of its members a free SIRIUS radio plus a free three-month subscription, adding that the response to the announcement picked up right after it seemed to trail off.

Howard went on to say his interview lasted for three segments, and that he noticed the show no longer broke for entire commercials, instead stopping for just 30 seconds before the interview continued. Howard next brought up the Santa Claus outfit he wore during his appearance, and how he and Ralph came up with the idea over the weekend. However, Howard also said the original plan was for him to go onstage without Santa pants so his “c*ck and balls” would have to have been blurred out, but that he chose not to go that route at the last minute.

Howard mentioned Dave asked him what it was like to have children in their 20s during the brief commercial breaks, and again noted what a great time he thought Dave was having during their time together. Further, Howard said Dave even approached him backstage following the interview, shook his hand and told him that he enjoyed the appearance. Howard then reported he ran into his neighbor, Regis Philbin, on his way home, and Regis was so amazed that Dave shook his hand that he threatened to confront him about it the next time he saw him.

Howard commented the one aspect that disappointed him on “Late Show” was how cold Dave’s other guest, Gwen Stefani, was toward him. Howard explained he entered the Ed Sullivan Theatre walking past a large group of fans – including Mariann from Brooklyn and High Pitch Eric – who were outside waiting to see him, which he noted made him feel good about himself. Howard added, though, he ran into Gwen twice last night, and even though he complimented her music, he felt as though she essentially ignored him. However, Robin commented she’d seen Gwen approached by fans on other shows, and she didn’t think Gwen was “warm” to anyone.

Howard proceeded to say Dave gave him plenty of time to promote SIRIUS, and even allowed him to show a Jeff the Drunk highlight from HowardTV. Howard added he’ll be on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” tomorrow, and was thinking about bringing HowardTV clips of Richard Christy being waxed for that interview.

Howard got to a clip from Riley Martin’s show last night, with Riley admitting he was joking earlier in the year when he claimed he’d put a curse on Howard and Robin. Following the clip, Artie asked if he could leave the studio for a minute to take advantage of “Cupcake Wednesday,” which he explained was the day Crumbs bakery brought free cupcakes to the show. After an assortment of cupcakes was brought into the studio, even the show’s announcer, George Takei, a self-proclaimed health nut, took a chocolate cupcake and reported it was “delicious” – while Artie cursed him for taking one of his favorites.

When Howard also noted that Brian Phelan of HowardTV had brought bagels and other food in this morning as a Christmas present, Robin pointed out that, despite the “beautiful spread,” Scott the Engineer complained there were no napkins. However, Scott defended his remark, insisting he was merely telling George there were no napkins available when he asked for one.

A caller, who’s only been listening to the show for three years, asked about the origin of the show’s “hey now” catchphrase. Howard replied the phrase was taken from “The Larry Sanders Show,” which he noted was one of his favorite programs ever. Howard went on to say “hey now” was the catchphrase of Larry’s sidekick, Hank Kingsley, who was played by Jeffrey Tambor and who, he added, was “the best television character of all time.”

Eric the Midget called in to talk about a script he was sent as a test of his acting ability to see if his dream of being on the program, “Heroes,” was a possibility. However, Eric noted he wouldn’t go through with the plan both because he didn’t like being portrayed as “a bad guy” in the script, and also that he didn’t love his character’s name, Teensy Weensy the Terrible, either. After Eric said he needed another day to think about whether or not he wanted to read the script, George commented he didn’t sound like an actor to him. Despite Howard’s disappointment in Eric’s refusal to perform the bit this morning, he told him to call back tomorrow to do it instead.

Howard played a clip from yesterday’s “Wrap Up Show,” of JD discussing how his nickname in high school was “Cheesy” because, during a rehearsal for a play based on “Get Smart,” he told a joke that made a girl call him that. Following the clip, JD acknowledged he didn’t know how his school chose the plays its students did, and added he’d never seen “Get Smart” so he portrayed Maxwell Smart the way he wanted.

Howard got to clips from his appearance on “Late Show,” with the first being of Dave referring to Howard as “a master communicator” before introducing him. In the other clips, Howard listened to the audience’s reaction to his SIRIUS giveaway, discussed Robin’s revelation from January that she used to pleasure herself with meats and vegetables, and talked about the Christmas party he attended last week at Bryant Gumbel’s apartment, including his run-ins with Gayle King, Al Roker, Spike Lee and Kelly Ripa while there.

In more clips, Howard told the story about how he and Beth sent out Christmas cards with a photo of them on the front, as well as his mother’s reaction that the photo reminded her of “beauty and the beast,” and also described Siobhan the Transsexual’s deflowering.

While Lisa G. was in the studio, she reported JD was planning to “re-gift” the Stiletto Howard gave him and everyone else from the show for Christmas. After JD claimed that this wasn’t the case and that he was giving the Stiletto, which Howard pointed out he bought at retail price, to his father because he really wanted one, he added Will was disappointed with the gift as well.

Will then came into the studio and announced Sal was another employee who didn’t like the Stiletto, but Sal entered and insisted he made derogatory comments about the gift merely to get Will to make similar remarks, explaining he was taping their conversation. When Howard next found out Scott the Engineer was badmouthing the Stiletto as well, he mentioned these responses were the reasons he didn’t like giving Christmas presents.

Howard announced it was time to play a game, “Gay or Not Gay?,” where three allegedly men came into the studio and George had to identify which one was gay.

The first contestant was a man named Jose, who immediately admitted he got his eyebrows waxed on a regular basis. As Jose talked about his stylist, Howard replied his “Gaydar was going insane,” so he thought he’d already picked the gay man. Rich, the second man, said he worked out three times a week, and also carried a man-purse, while the final man, Chad, mentioned he was a bartender, acknowledged he had a lisp, and enjoyed going to the theatre.

After listening to all the men, George chose Rich as the gay man, but Chad revealed that he was the homosexual. Chad then revealed he was a Barbara Streisand admirer and was an even bigger theatre fan than he let on during his introduction.

Howard then brought in three more men for another round of the game, with the first man, Brad, saying he wasn’t a broadcaster despite his deep voice, and James, the next contestant, admitting he “shaved his balls” even though he didn’t have a girlfriend. The final man, Teddy, noted he was Artie’s assistant, had a girlfriend, and carried a man-purse.

After George chose Brad as the gayest man, James stepped forward as the real gay man. Howard then noted he didn’t think James was the homosexual either, and James noted that nobody ever suspected his sexual orientation.

Following clips from last night’s “Jackie’s Joke Hunt,” Ralph called in to ask George why he wanted to be promoted to captain in “Star Trek VI” seeing as it was a smaller role in the film, and he replied it was because that character was important to the movie’s plot. George added he didn’t want to be just “another member of the crew” on the Enterprise in “Star Trek VI,” and also said he got paid for the entire film although he worked on it only three days.

Howard had the sisters/porn stars, Ava, 20, and, 19, Mia Rose, into the studio. Ava noted she lost her virginity when she was 13, and added she had had sex with 75 men before getting into the adult industry. Meanwhile, Mia said she had done 98 men prior to entering “the industry.” Mia went on to say she was attracted to “nerdy guys,” and was now focusing on being with smart men.

Mia acknowledged she and her sister had a bad reputation in high school, and that they got into porn after being strippers first. Mia then commented she was willing to do almost anything sexually, except for tossing a man’s salad, explaining she had “a bad experience” with that practice when she was 18. Mia also said she recently was electrocuted at a club while she played the role of a submissive, mentioning the fact that she had no control over the situation was what turned her on the most about it.

Ava brought up that Mia’s boyfriend approached her recently about having sex with him, but she turned him down. Ava next reported she and her sister grew up in a small town in Alaska with a population of just 300. Ava proceeded to say she was into women, but Mia insisted she wasn’t interested in having sex with girls. When Ava claimed she never faked an orgasm in her movies, Howard played a clip from one of her films, “Nice Round Ass,” where she referred to herself as “a little slut” and “a dirty little whore” while having sex. Ava replied that that was how she sounded in bed, which Howard said was a huge turn on for him.

Howard asked the sisters if they’d ever had sex with each other, but Mia replied they hadn’t, not only because such an act was incest, but also because they weren’t attracted to each other. However, Mia added she and Ava had starred in porn scenes together, but that they were always with men in the mix and never touched each other. Ava then reported she and Mia were nominated for a number of AVN Awards, including one in the same category – Best New Starlet. Ava added that their parents supported them and were happy about their nominations, but also said she didn’t want them attending the ceremony.

Howard wondered how the girls learned how to “talk dirty” during sex, and Mia responded she didn’t like to “moan repetitively” in porn, so she just “let it out.” Mia then mentioned she once had “an electric butt plug” placed inside her rear end, and that her boyfriend at the time introduced her to the toy, as well as several others. Mia also said she had an orgasm with the contraption, and that she liked anal sex in both her personal life and on film. Mia then told how she once had sex with a teacher, as well as four men in a single encounter while she worked as a “kitty caddy” on a golf trip.

Howard turned his attention to AVN Publisher, Paul Fishbein, who brought the girls in this morning. After Paul talked about what a big fan he was of the show, he announced he had two tickets to give away next year’s AVN Awards, complete with airfare, hotel accommodations and the opportunity to escort the sisters down the red carpet at the event. Howard then presented the prize to a caller, despite the fact that he had referred to the sisters as “fakes.”

Although neither Mia nor Ava would get on the Sybian, both of them had no problem taking off their tops. Howard then admitted he was turned on by the idea that the girls were sisters. When the sisters’ publicist, Brian, came into the studio to try to convince Ava to ride the Sybian, she still refused the request, as well as Artie’s offer to give her $1,000 to do it. However, with a little more convincing by Howard, Ava finally agreed to get on the Sybian, and Gary turned it up to full power. After giving the machine a few minutes, though, Ava jumped off it because she didn’t think she would have an orgasm.

• Martha Stewart will be on the show tomorrow morning.

• Steve Irwin’s friend has recounted the last moments he shared with him.

• The creator of the Green Lantern died at the age of 91.

• A study shows serial killers are prominent in hospitals.

• Danny DeVito denied being drunk during his recent appearance on “The View.”

• Mel Gibson’s “Apocalypto” debuted at number at the box office this past weekend.

• Gift cards are a popular present this holiday season.

• Evel Knievel is suing Kanye West over his latest video.

• Fantasia Barrino released a new album.

• Jennifer Lopez and Jim Carrey are allegedly thinking of becoming Scientologists.

• British police are hunting for a serial killer who is killing prostitutes in the fashion of Jack the Ripper

• A 21 year old woman was beheaded at a bus station on the island of St. Vincent.

• The world is in disgust over Iran’s holocaust denial meetings.

• President Bush is having many meetings about what to do in Iraq

• Dennis Kucinich is planning to run for president in 2008

• A suicide bomber in Iraq has killed 17 people

• A mother and father crashed and died on the way to New York to see their family

• Naomi Campbell is fighting her accusations of abuse in court

• Prince William is putting together a show in honor of Princess Dianna