LOADS OF FUN
The Howard Stern Show for April 17, 2007

Howard started this morning admitting he might be “crabby” during the show as he’d been up since 2:30 a.m. because couldn’t sleep. After Howard said he woke up thinking about chess, he added he’d read about a teenage chess genius who was skipping high school on a regular basis in order to play the game against people on Wall Street. This led Howard to say he was “passionate” about chess, and that he’d made the decision as soon as he took up the game to learn the “nuances” of it, which he also said, though, was the reason he couldn’t sleep sometimes. Despite Howard’s explanation, Robin didn’t think chess was what really was keeping Howard up, and he acknowledged she might be right, but didn’t want to talk about it any further.

Following a clip of Laura Bush accidentally saying the word “Jew” instead of “zoo,” Howard brought up how some people – including Al Roker – who used to be on Don Imus’ radio program were starting to come out and bash Imus. Howard then commented people like that bothered him because, while he’d been calling out Imus for his racism for years, the people now criticizing him were doing it only because his show couldn’t help them promote themselves anymore.

Howard played a tape of Bubba the Love Sponge offering to call off his race with Robin if she’d agree to either let him suck on one of her breasts for 10 seconds, use her hand on him or give him cash. Upon hearing the options, Howard asked Robin which of the first two she’d choose, and she went with the breast sucking given its brief duration. Howard proceeded to read an e-mail from a man who complimented Robin on the improvements she’d made this past weekend during her participation in the Toyota Long Beach Grand Prix. Robin then said she was still adamant about racing Bubba, even if it meant losing their initial wager, which was that she’d have to make out with him if she lost.

Howard got to a clip of Deidre Imus demanding people stop sending hate mail to members of the Rutgers women’s basketball team, and Capt. Janks called in to ask Howard if he felt Deidre would end up leaving Imus. After Howard responded that he did, in fact, think Deirdre would end up divorcing Imus given his firing, he also noted “Saturday Night Live” did some material on Imus this past week, which he added he found funny. Howard then played tapes of Buddy Ebsen of “The Beverly Hillbillies” fame to compare his voice to Imus’ voice, but had to stop it because of all the phlegm in Buddy’s throat. Although he was happy about Imus’ situation, Howard did admit, though, that he believed there was one negative in the controversy surrounding him, and that was the amount of positive press Al Sharpton was getting because of his role in it.

A caller wanted to know where Robin would draw the line in terms of some of her dangerous activities, and she replied that nothing scared her because she didn’t fear death. Robin then noted she’d been talking with her racing friend, Martina Navratilova, about possibly skydiving, which Howard acknowledged was something he’d never do. Given her latest revelation, Howard asked Robin who she’d rather kiss – Martina or Bubba – and she went with Bubba.

Howard took a call from a disc jockey named Gary, who was fired last week over a contest he aired on a station in Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania that used the now infamous phrase “nappy-headed hos.” Gary proceeded to mention only “a few people” were upset over his contest, and that he personally went to each of them to apologize for it, but that he was still let go. Upon hearing the story, Howard encouraged Gary’s employer of 17 years, Nassau Broadcasting, to “reinstate him” before asking if he had a cancer ranch “to fall back on” for positive press. Unfortunately, Gary told Howard that he didn’t have a cancer ranch, and that he didn’t do much charity work designed specifically for African Americans either.

Howard brought up the massacre that occurred yesterday on the campus of Virginia Tech and how he couldn’t believe something like that could happen. Howard proceeded to mention how the police and campus authorities originally thought the gunman had exited the campus following the first round of shootings, and added that he didn’t blame the authorities for not knowing exactly what was going on when the second round of killings started. When Robin pointed out the gunman was from China, Howard responded by saying he didn’t think things like this didn’t happen in that country, and thought additional restrictions on guns needed to be implemented in America. However, Robin mentioned she felt that, if someone wanted a gun badly enough, he or she would get one regardless of the law.

Because they were talking about security, Howard had Ronnie the Limo Driver come into the studio to give his suggestion as to how to make places like college campuses safer. When Ronnie said he believed metal detectors would help prevent some shootings, Howard admitted he was impressed with the answer and congratulated him for it. Fred then pointed out, though, that he didn’t think Ronnie’s plan would work given its cost and many people’s unwillingness to be inconvenienced by devices such as metal detectors, even if they did make people safer.

Eric the Midget called in to discuss tonight’s “American Idol.” Eric commented that, since tonight was country night on the program, he didn’t think the black contestants would do well, leading Howard to thank Eric for his “racist insight.” Howard went on to say he was voting for Sanjaya no matter how poor his performance was tonight before playing a Sanjaya song parody. Eric then asked Howard if Ralph would be given another show on one of his channels devoted to “American Idol,” but Howard informed him that Tim Sabean didn’t want to run the broadcast on a regular basis. Tim proceeded to come into the studio to explain the show about “American Idol” that Ralph did two weeks ago was given approval because Howard was on vacation at the time, and he figured it would help the keep the Sanjaya movement going in his absence.

Since Tim was in the studio, Howard played a clip from Chuck Zito’s show last night, of Chuck blaming Tim’s recent weight gain in the Battle of the Blobs on his diet and is infrequent trips to the gym.

Howard had, Dave DellaTerza, the founder of votefortheworst.com into the studio. Howard began the interview by asking Dave why he’s been saying that Sanjaya wouldn’t actually be crowned the next “American Idol,” and he replied he thought it was because the show’s producers would figure out someway to get him off the show. Dave went on to mention he was going to be a guest on “Late with David Letterman” tonight, which led Howard to say that, like Jon Hein, who sold his Website, jumptheshark.com, for millions of dollars to TV Guide, he was getting notoriety through something he never imagined would bring him fame and fortune. Dave then admitted he felt all the attention he was getting was “funny,” while also noting being on both Howard’s show and “Late Show” were big deals to him.

Howard remembered that when he originally spoke to Dave on the telephone a few weeks ago that he revealed he was gay. Howard also recalled Dave claimed he and his boyfriend hadn’t had anal sex with each other at the time, but that if Sanjaya continued to stay on “American Idol” he promised that would change. Dave responded by saying he and his boyfriend have indeed now had anal sex, with each of them both “giving and receiving.”

Dave reported he was now starting to make money with his Website because of all the attention Sanjaya was getting, and that it got 10 million visits a week. This led Howard to ask Dave if he thought he’d ever personally hear from Sanjaya, but Dave acknowledged he didn’t believe he would, at least not while he was still on the show. Howard then announced he was convinced Sanjaya would win the entire competition, and again thanked his fans for allowing Sanjaya to remain on the show.

Howard proceeded to take some calls for Dave, with one listener pointing out he was one of the few gay men who admitted to having had anal sex. Dave responded by noting he wasn’t embarrassed by that aspect of his life, and that he only did it with partners whom he loved.

As Howard played clips of Gary Garver talking to a number of lesser-known characters from “Star Trek” at a recent convention, he pointed out Artie was breathing heavily. However, Artie claimed his breathing was him doing his impression of “the Enterprise,” but ended up admitting even breathing was getting difficult for him given his size. When Howard then suggested Artie start walking around with a breathing device like Johnny Sack used in the last episode of “The Sopranos,” Artie told him that he’d stay home before he ever brought that kind of apparatus to work.

After playing more interviews, Howard mentioned how difficult it must be for such actors to go to those conventions, not only because they had to explain who they were, but also because they had to pay $100 each to attend the events, as Gary had reported. Robin proceeded to say she knew the people who played characters such as Darth Vader in “Star Wars” went through the same thing as the “Star Trek” actors.

Elephant Boy and his girlfriend, Mary, stopped by to talk about their relationship. Mary started by noting she and Elephant Boy had been together for 16 years, not counting their brief breakup when he “turned gay.” Although Elephant Boy insisted he was now “all man,” Artie pointed out that the New York Mets shirt he was wearing today suggested otherwise. Howard went on to play a clip of the audio message Elephant Boy placed with a personals service years ago when he was looking for “a couple” to be with sexually. However, Elephant Boy said he’d matured since then, and was committed to Mary.

Howard next asked if Elephant Boy and Mary planned on getting married, but Mary said, at the moment, she was too tied up figuring out her workers compensation papers to worry about such things. Mary also commented another problem she and Elephant Boy were having was that they saw each other only once every three months because she lives in Cleveland while he lives in New York. Mary then guessed she and Elephant Boy saw each other about 28 days every year, before acknowledging the two of them had phone sex on a regular basis.

Howard reminded Elephant Boy about the time he admitted to, not only having crapped his pants prior to arriving at an appearance with Gary at a car dealership years ago, but also staying there despite his condition and attempting to clean himself off with a nearby tarp. After Gary reported everyone avoided Elephant Boy that day because he smelled so bad, Artie acknowledged he would skip Game Seven of a Yankees-Red Sox playoff series if he’d gone to the bathroom in his pants on his way to the game. Elephant Boy went on to say he tried to clean himself in the car dealer’s bathroom that morning, and that he had to throw away his underwear because they were so dirty. As Elephant Boy continued the story, Artie noted that no matter how long ago the incident occurred, he was sure Elephant Boy “still wasn’t clean.”

Porn star, Nick Manning, whose catchphrase, “dropping loads,” has been played often on the show over the past few months, came in to discuss his career. Nick reported he started out as a male model, but was discovered by people in the porn industry after he posed for Playgirl. Nick then said he had a master’s degree and used to work on Wall Street before he decided to dedicate pursue a career in the adult industry. Nick also noted he owned a number of adult stores and video distribution companies as well, which he added was how he makes most of his money.

Howard revealed that Nick had been with JD’s former porn girlfriend, Kimberly Kane, so he had JD come into the studio. After JD laughed and joked how he could see the similarities between Nick and himself, Nick claimed he was one of the few male porn stars who made “good money” in the business. Nick then admitted he’d “rented” himself to women for up to $6,000 a night, and that most of his clients were strippers.

Howard said he’d heard all male porn stars got their start in the industry in gay films, but Nick insisted that wasn’t the case with his career. Howard then played clips of Nick yelling his catchphrase, and asked Elephant Boy if he was getting turned on by them, which he claimed he wasn’t. Nick also said he wasn’t as vocal when he had sex in his private life, and that was because he got into “character” when shooting porn. Nick went on to say he took Viagra occasionally, but only so that his coworkers didn’t have to wait around for him to get his third erection in a day and could “get home to their families” in a timely fashion. Nick also described how he has gotten feces on his penis during anal sex scenes a few times, and that he was writing two books in which he’d name some of the famous women with whom he’d had sex.

A caller wanted to know how Nick was able to prevent himself from having quick orgasms during sex, and he replied he’d conditioned himself to take up to 2 hours before ejaculating, even in his private life. When Howard said he felt Nick had been with so many women that he probably didn’t think sex was special anymore, Nick admitted that was true. Jessica Jaymes, another porn star, then called in to report she and Nick had sex privately “all the time,” and Gary reminded Howard that Nick once called in to propose to Tabitha Stevens on the air. This led Nick to say he and Tabitha were still friends, but that they broke up because of her “jealousy” toward his relationship with Jessica and because she thought he loved his job too much.

Before Nick left, Howard asked him to demonstrate his catchphrase using Robin’s name, which he did to a round of applause. Nick also mentioned he worth over $1 million thanks to his career and business interests, but added it was “a tough job” that required people to be “great athletes.”

• Sanjaya was booed at a recent Los Angeles Dodgers game.

• Madonna and her newly adopted son went back Malawi.

• Jann Wenner and his life partner are struggling to keep their relationship going.

• Hulk Hogan and his wife, Linda, have been going through their own marriage problems.

• Marilyn Manson has claimed to have found his “double.”

• An ad campaign is being put together to mark the upcoming anniversary of Elvis’ death.

• Savannah Samson does more than just appear in porn movies.

• Edward Norton will play the Incredible Hulk in the next film.

• The Virginia Tech shooter has been identified.

• President Bush spoke yesterday about the killings.

• A summit on violence in the media will be held.

• Don Imus’ former sidekick, Charles McCord, has remained on the air despite his boss’ firing.

• The Country Music Television Awards were held last night.

• The next episode of “American Idol” airs tonight.

• Experts say the return of “The Sopranos” has affected the ratings of “Desperate Housewives.”

• Rumors about Bruce Willis and Courtney Love being together are circulating.