AN ENTOURAGE IN THE STUDIO
The Howard Stern Show for July 28, 2007

Howard started the show telling the crew how director Renny Harlin once asked him to audition for a part in Andrew Dice Clay's “Ford Fairlane.” Artie said he had an audition later today – his new agent got him a shot at the third lead (a “fast-talking lawyer”) in a Jennifer Aniston movie – and he wasn't looking forward to it. Howard couldn't figure out why Artie was auditioning for a part and told him that he should demand the part without an audition.

Artie revealed that he and Robin went out to dinner and a play on Friday night. Robin met Artie and his mom at his apartment for a drink, and then they went to a restaurant in his building. The group then headed into Manhattan, met up with Artie's sister, and caught Chazz Palminteri's revival of “A Bronx Tale.” Robin laughed that her friends weren't surprised to learn that Artie had a restaurant in his building.

Artie told Howard about the difficulty he had while trying to open a bottle of wine for Robin, noting that his efforts resulted in the cork falling inside. Robin said she observed how Artie's new diet affected his dinner routine; Artie usually orders several sodas before dinner, but now he just drinks water and has a single soda with his meal. Artie and Robin both said they had a great time.

Howard played some clips from last night's Miserable Men Show of Shuli and the Rev. Bob Levy trashing Richard, so Richard came in to explain that Bob was pissed at him for asking for more money. Richard added that he was only asking for more money because he was booked to perform at a second comedy show without being asked. Artie said the Killers of Comedy tension was a Catch-22, as Bob needs Sal and Richard for plugs on the show, but he also resents them for only performing short sets.

Shuli called in to repeat his complaints about Richard, saying that Richard is always complaining about the hotels Bob books, requesting higher guarantees, or asking promoters to pay for his cell phone's roaming charges. Artie advised Sal and Richard to split away from the Killers of Comedy and do their own tour of stunts and comedy. Howard remarked that Tim Sabean told him recently that he was afraid the guys on the show were starting to feed on each other.

Howard welcomed Debbie and Abby, the Queef-Off finalists, to the studio and asked them what made them championship contenders. Debbie reported that she was the show's original queef champ, but like Artie, she's recently struggled with drug addiction. Abby told the crew that she wasn't a drug addict, but she was a registered nurse and – more importantly – into girls. Howard then walked the ladies through the Queef-Off's events:

For Longest Queef, Abby set the bar at six seconds, and Debbie could only muster one second.

For Loudest Queef, Howard wheeled out the decibel-measuring “Queef Meter,” which reads up to zero (appropriately, the highest score possible is zero). Abby managed a -8.5 queef, but Debbie bested her with a shockingly loud -1.8.

For Fastest Queefs, Abby blasted out 93 in 30 seconds, smashing Debbie's meager attempt.

Howard then sang to Abby, the new Queef Champion, and asked if she'd like to say a few words. Abby told the crew that she learned to queef accidentally when she was 11 or 12 and she can also fart on command. Gary came in to report that Adrian Grenier and Kevin Connolly of “Entourage” were watching the contest in his office, and when Abby won, Adrian handed $20 to Kevin.

Adrian and Kevin came into the studio to promote the new “Entourage” coffee table book, and Adrian told everyone how to pronounce his last name. Howard remarked that he was glad that Adrian talks to him at the gym now, because it was awkward when they wouldn't acknowledge each other. Adrian agreed, saying he was glad when Howard finally came over and formally introduced himself.

Kevin then told the crew about witnessing the Kid Rock-Tommy Lee fight at the VMAs, but Adrian, who was sitting next to him, claimed he didn't remember much of it because he was busy watching Alicia Keys perform. Howard then asked Kevin about some of his own fights, so Kevin admitted to punching both Brandon Davis and Chad Muska after they'd said bad things about his then-girlfriend, Nicki Hilton.

Howard speculated that Adrian's good looks must've given him a wild sex life, but Adrian claimed he was actually a “late bloomer” and nothing, as most fans expect, like “Vince,” his character on “Entourage.” Howard asked Adrian about his current girlfriend, so Adrian admitted that he's been dating a model named Melissa Keller “off and on,” as they've had issues with infidelity. Howard then read a list of women (Kirsten Dunst, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Melissa Joan Hart) that Adrian has supposedly slept with, but Adrian denied sleeping with any of them.

Adrian said he recently made a documentary, “Shot in the Dark,” about searching for his real father. Howard asked if the search was difficult, so Adrian explained that his father split when he was only six years old. Artie noted that he'd seen the movie and particularly enjoyed a moment where Adrian's adoptive father becomes frustrated with Adrian's search. Howard wanted to know where he could see the film, so Adrian said he'd send him a copy.

Howard then turned his attention to Kevin, who said he's gone out a few times with Julianne Hough, the hot blonde (the race car driver's partner) from “Dancing with the Stars.” Kevin claimed he was “actively pursuing” Julianne, and though he speaks with her every day, they have not gone any further than that. Howard was blown away that Kevin was dating Julianne and told him to take a photo of her to his father's grave to “show” his dad how well he’s doing.

A caller claimed Robin was laughing giddily in Adrian's presence, so Robin admitted that she was a big fan of “Entourage.” Another caller asked if Jeremy Piven was an asshole, but Kevin said Jeremy was not only a great guy, he'd earned back-to-back Emmys for his performance. Ralph then suggested that Adrian wear looser t-shirts on the show so that his hips don't look wide, and Adrian thanked him for giving him a new complex.

A caller asked Kevin and Adrian how long they planned on doing the show, and Adrian replied he'd do the show as long as they asked him. Artie warned the guys not to get too close to the people they'd be negotiating with when their contract was up, but Kevin replied that while HBO doesn't give them “Tony Soprano money,” they are treated really well. Kevin and Adrian then said they loved working on “Entourage” so much, they'd do it for 10 years.

Sal came in to say that, despite their fight, he still plans to say hello to Artie in the halls and noted that even his wife sided with Artie, claiming that Sal could have aggravated Artie to the point where his heart exploded...and then he’d feel guilty for having killed Artie. Artie told Sal not to feel guilty if he dropped dead, adding that he would have difficulty ever taking another compliment from Sal. Artie asked Sal how they could have any sort of relationship after last week, but Sal claimed he was just trying to attack Artie in the same manner he felt Artie attacked him.

Artie told Sal not to apologize for his opinion and noted that he never thought Sal liked his contribution to the show. Artie added that he didn't feel comfortable interacting with Sal after hearing what he thought were Sal's true feelings, so Sal apologized and said he should've talked to Artie off the air about their issue. Gary noted that he and the guys from HowardTV thought Sal was about to cry, but Howard denied it, saying he would never skip over Sal's tears.

Richard came in to tell the crew that he cried recently after reconnecting with an old friend, whom he hadn't seen since they went to go see “Interview with a Vampire” together over 10 years ago on November 11th. Now that they've reconnected, Richard and his friend are going to spend the evening on November 11th watching DVDs of “Interview with a Vampire” in their respective living rooms and text messaging each other the whole time.

Artie told the crew that he was having a hard time believing that Richard hadn't had gay sex with his “dear friend,” but Richard insisted that their relationship was strictly platonic. Richard explained that they didn't “break up,” they'd just lost touch when his friend left for a job on a boat in the Virgin Islands. Richard confessed that once he even called all the people in the phonebook who shared his friend's name.

Artie still thought Richard's affection for his old friend was gay, and Richard broke down crying and said, “I sound like a fag right now.” Richard thanked Al Gore for inventing the Internet, as it's how his friend found him. Howard asked Richard if he'd blow his “dear friend” to save his life, but Richard said he wouldn't, though – if it was a matter of life or death - he might let his friend “kiss around” his own penis.

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