THE NEW & IMPROVED JENNA
The Howard Stern Show for February 6, 2008

Howard started off the asking Sal what he was doing for his wife, Christine, for Valentine's day, but Sal wouldn't answer, as he wanted it to be a surprise. Howard didn't know why Sal even bothered, and Sal joked that he was trying to make up (in advance) for his trip to Amsterdam with Jason's bachelor party. While they were on the subject, Howard wondered why Jason was going all the way to Amsterdam in the first place. Gary explained that Jason really loves the fact that pot is legal there.

Eric the Midget called in to complain about the Howard100 News; they “bugged” his “girlfriend,” Kendra, after she called into the show the other day. Howard and Gary ignored Eric's complaint, instead turning their attention to the live feed of Eric's webcam (which they were watching in the studio), commenting on the strange Gorbechev looking markings on his forehead. Howard then played some clips from Eric's most recent American Idol commentary webcast.

Lonnie Hannover (formerly of Scores) called in to tell the crew about the club he is now working for: Rick's Cabaret. Howard asked Lonnie what took him so long to affiliate himself with a new club, so Lonnie explained that he was a discerning connoisseur and waited for the right opportunity. Lonnie said he got offers from nearly every club in the business, but Rick's won him over with their 4-story club in Manhattan, high-quality women, secret entrances, and VIP service. The crew was impressed, and Lonnie invited them all down to check it out for themselves.

Artie noted that he recently spent $8,000 to send Dana 1,000 red roses, courtesy of ProFlowers.com, and they arrived yesterday. Howard asked if the two were back to having sex again, but Artie said no; they've just kissed so far. Artie told the crew that Dana loved the flowers and called him as they were being delivered. It took two delivery vans and “about 80 trips” from the van to Dana's apartment – when they were done, her apartment was overflowing with red roses. Artie laughed that Dana told him, “You should screw up more often.”

Artie also told the crew about attending the Thurman Munson Awards dinner last night, and Howard one-upped him, showing everyone a picture of Artie at the event. The crew all laughed at how Artie's disheveled look made him stand out at the black tie event. Howard asked how the event went, so Artie revealed that it went so well, Thurman's mom gave him the lucky Yoo-hoo t-shirt that Thurman used to wear under his uniform.

Howard said the building management has filed a complaint against Benjy, because he runs through the lobby every morning . Artie said Benjy's running-through-the-lobby-because-I'm-late shtick is the most annoying “piece” in his repertoire. Ronnie came in to explain that Benjy forgot his ID today but ran through security anyway, hurdling the turnstile in the process. Howard remarked that he couldn't believe that Benjy hurdled the turnstile.

Gary came in to say he heard Benjy coming down the hall long before he was visible, like a herd of elephants. Gary laughed that Benjy now just shouts his breakfast order as he runs into the studio, so an intern has to get the special (and ever-changing) order at 6am every morning. Howard then declared that Benjy was no longer allowed to make special orders in the morning – from now on, he must have a standing order – and must bring his ID.

Howard admonished Benjy for doing shtick and being “funny” when no recording device was nearby, as it's pointless otherwise. Doug Goodstein told a story about Benjy screaming at him in the street and telling passers-by to “get him!” Even Richard came in to say Benjy scared him sometimes. Howard thought that Benjy's crazy behavior came from being ignored as a child, but Benjy denied it, though he did promise to stop running through the halls.

Greg Fitzsimmons stopped by to promote his show on Howard101 and said he identified with Benjy, as he just lost his own ID an hour ago. Greg continued, saying he thought Benjy was an “idiot savant” who doesn't get certain things, like adding color to his wardrobe. Howard then demanded that Benjy stand up, so Benjy stood and allowed everyone to survey his all-black outfit, explaining that he owned “like 20” black t-shirts.

Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz stopped by and Howard asked Jenna how her divorce had gone. Jenna confessed that it was still ongoing; she's in the process of splitting everything she owns in half. Howard wondered if the divorce is what caused Jenna to lose so much weight, and Jenna admitted it was; at her lightest, she was 95 pounds, but she's now managed to put some weight back on.

Jenna told the crew that she recently replaced her D-cup implants with small C-cup implants, and though she wouldn't show them, Tito claimed they were “awesome.” Howard asked Jenna what changed her mind about being a lesbian, so Jenna cited Tito; “He's good at the same things women are.” Howard wanted Tito to show the crew his technique, but Tito resisted; “I'm a behind-closed-doors kind of guy.”

Jenna confessed that she sometimes gets sore because Tito wants sex so often, leading Howard to wonder if Tito likes to “bukkake” on Jenna's face. Jenna laughed that Tito not only likes it, he likes it so much that she's requested bejeweled goggles for Valentine's Day. Howard asked if Jenna and Tito liked to have anal sex, but they recoiled at the idea. Jenna also took the opportunity to deny claims that she's had a botched vaginoplasty; “My cookie is beautiful and I love it.” Tito seemed to agree.

Tito revealed that he was leaving the UFC after his next fight, as he felt Dana White was no different than Don King. Howard read some of the disparaging comments Dana has made about Tito and Jenna, and they replied that Dana was a former aerobics instructor who didn't nurture Tito's career as much as he should've. Tito said his biggest revenge will be success and changed the subject, telling the crew about his early days as a street-fighter.

Howard wondered if Tito ever masturbated to other women, and after a little hesitation, he admitted that he did. Jenna laughed that she always gets weirded out when she finds Tito's porn because she’s usually friends with a few of the video's stars. Howard then asked Jenna if she ever fingered Britney Spears, but Jenna denied the story, cryptically adding that “She doesn't need any more bad press.”

Artie fell asleep during Robin's news, so Fred woke him up with a cymbal crash. Artie jerked awake, complained that he spilled his water, and asked Robin if she was done yet.

• Vegas lost money on the Superbowl.

• Yesterday was Fat Tuesday.

• A British man was killed in a mattress race.

• A woman is accused of drinking and driving with her kid in the car - and a case of beer buckled in.

• The 70 year old former Senator from New York, Alfonse D'Amato, had a baby boy.

• Pot smoking could cause gum disease.

• Yesterday was Super Tuesday.

• McCain is now the Republican frontrunner.

• Political conventions are good for the sex trade.

• Roger Clemens testified before Congress about his alleged steroid use.

• Shaq may be a Sun.

• Boiling monkeys isn't nice.

• The Grammys are coming.

• J. Lo is having twins.

• Britney Spears' “manager” may have been controlling her.

• Viggo Mortensen kicks some ass while naked in “Eastern Promises.”