RONNIE FROM THE BLOCK
The Howard Stern Show for July 19, 2006

The show began with Robin saying she was “fascinated” with the Christie Brinkley-Peter Cook divorce, noting she watched all of the gossip shows last night to see what Diana Bianchi, the 19-year-old who broke up the marriage, had to say. While Howard pointed out he didn’t condone Peter cheating on Christie, he added he thought the press was making too big a deal about the incident. In fact, Howard said he could name “90 guys cheating with 20-year-olds,” so he didn’t feel Peter’s story was that unique. Robin agreed with Howard’s assessment of the situation, and, although she admitted to not being able to stop reading up on the saga, she commented she wished journalists would “leave them alone.”

As Howard and Robin debated the attractiveness of Diana – with Howard saying she was “hot” and Robin not feeling the same way – Howard mentioned he saw pictures of the new girlfriend of the recently divorced Dave Navarro, and he gave her a solid review.

Howard played a voicemail from Eric the Midget, who said he was getting “severely sick” of the number of people who have been contacting him and his family members through their My Space accounts. Eric went on in the message to ask Will if Howard would take “one last call” from him so he could make a plea to get “the listeners off his back.” Following Eric’s last remark, Robin pointed out it would be easy for him to avoid the heckling he gets from listeners: fly in the studio with balloons.

After a voice message from John the Stutterer, who called in to report the “Jerry Falwell loving asshole, Sean Hannity” was raising money for a Terry Schiavo fundraiser, Howard played two from Ronnie the Limo Driver, who called both Brian Phelan and Will to curse them out for not responding to invitations he sent them for a block party he was hosting this weekend. Ronnie then came into the studio and told Howard about 20 people from the studio would be attending the event, and the party wasn’t designed just for people on his block. Ronnie went on to explain the invitees of the party eat only at the houses of the people who invited them, but eventually begin mingling with each other as well.

Upon hearing this, Howard and Robin pointed out block parties usually involve all the residents of a street eating together, but Ronnie replied not everyone in his neighborhood wanted to pay the money that would be needed for that to happen on his street.

Since Ronnie was in the studio, he mentioned to Howard how NASCAR driver, Tony Stewart, dropped out of the Top 10 in points after meeting Scott the Engineer earlier this year, and added, due to Scott’s “black cloud,” he’d “probably make it snow” if his wife allowed him to attend the block party on Saturday. Scott then came into the studio and assured Ronnie he and his wife would show up at the block party, before denying she was in charge of what he does with his free time.

Gary proceeded to enter the studio to announce Scott’s bad luck extended to clothing as well, explaining a t-shirt maker recently gave out “Black Cloud Diner” shirts he created in honor of what Scott’s office was called. Gary then noted Ross Zapin, who took one of the shirts, immediately experienced problems because of it, including a leak in his home’s roof, the overflowing of his pool, and the breaking of his pool’s filter.

Before Scott left the studio, he revealed Riley Martin muttered about 125 of his patented “ahs” during his program that aired yesterday. This led Howard to play a clip from Riley’s show, where he once again complained about the salary he gets for his broadcasts. Riley then claimed if his financial deal for his show didn’t change, he’d be forced to move it to a different channel, a comment that caused both Howard and Robin to laugh.

Howard mentioned he was given a CD of solo music yesterday from one of Madonna’s backup singers, which led him to talk about “Rock Star: Super Nova.” After questioning the ability of the show’s judges, Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted and Gilby Clarke, to actually put together a decent band, Howard commented Brooke Burke, who hosts the program, “was the worst teleprompter reader” he’d ever heard. Howard then pointed out although he hadn’t heard Brooke ever make a mistake, he added he felt anyone could do her job.

Doug Goodstein came into the studio to report two people who entered movies into the Howard Film Festival were hired to work for him, and that other participants in the festival were also getting freelance projects as well. When Howard found out one of the new employees was making a documentary about Blue Iris, he again played the message she left Richard last week. In the tape, Blue told Richard her feet were swollen and she couldn’t urinate, but “it was probably nothing,” which Howard noted was his favorite line from the call.

Howard welcomed into the studio Evil David Letterman, who announced his life was going well before then demanding Fred “put on some faggy music so they could dance.” When Evil Dave added he’d just masturbated to a picture of “Lady Di’s corpse,” Howard noted he took back his comment about Brooke Burke because he’d found “a new worse reader.”

As Paul Giamatti came into the studio, Howard recalled he didn’t pay much attention to him when he played Pig Virus in “Private Parts” because he was an unknown actor at the time. Paul replied he had some of “the most fun” he ever had while on the set of “Private Parts” while acknowledging his life has gotten “much better” since his career took off after the film.

Howard brought up how M. Night Shyamalan, who was on the show yesterday, called Paul “the greatest living actor” during his interview, and how Night was also nervous because Paul didn’t accept his role in “Lady in the Water” until two days after he received the script. Paul responded he did, in fact, hold out for more money for his part in “Lady in the Water,” and added it was his biggest payday prior to other movies he’s done since then.

Howard mentioned Paul made out with Virginia Madsen in “Sideways,” and Paul informed him he was given permission by her to touch her breasts during the scene, although he said it was hard to spot him doing so in the movie. Paul went on to note his costar in “Lady in the Water,” Bryce Dallas Howard, was scantily clad throughout the picture, but he didn’t see her naked.

Paul claimed he wasn’t upset about not winning an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor this year for his role as Joe Gould in “Cinderella Man,” mostly because he didn’t like the idea of getting in front of the crowd to deliver his speech. Robin then pointed out she felt the bigger snub Paul experienced was when he wasn’t even nominated for his part in “Sideways,” but he informed her he didn’t think he deserved a nomination for that film. Paul proceeded to talk to Howard about the acceptance speech he had been preparing in case he had won the Oscar for “Cinderella Man,” including the fact that he was set to thank him for helping him get his career started.

Paul said he lives in Brooklyn, and he didn’t have plans to move to Los Angeles permanently because he didn’t have “any reason to.” Paul then reported he doesn’t have any superstar friends, but admitted women often “come on” to him because of his stardom. To illustrate his point, Paul explained women, many of whom he noted are young extras, approach him and give him their phone numbers on movie sets, although he usually ends up giving them to other men.

Paul recalled he was most tempted by a publicist who showed him around England while he was there shooting a movie. However, Paul noted he has never cheated on his wife, and he would never do so because he didn’t want his marriage to be harmed. Paul did add, though, he didn’t feel lap dances constituted cheating, before saying he had sex with 12 women prior to meeting the woman who became his wife when he was 25.

Paul commented “Lady in the Water” was “a great movie,” and he was good enough in it not to “screw it up.” After calling “American Splendor” his best movie, Howard told Paul he was rooting for him and considered him a member of his family.

Before he left the studio, Evil Dave asked Paul if it was wrong to “finish” inside a woman who died during sex, if it was “hard dealing with all the Jews in Hollywood,” and why he and Howard weren’t “coordinating a ‘Private Parts 2.’”

As Paul laughed at the questions, Howard asked Evil Dave why he didn’t ask such questions on “Late Night,” and he said it was because of his feelings toward Les Moonves.

Howard played clips of Sal interviewing women on the street about their thoughts on Dr. Nicholas Bartha, the man who blew up his Manhattan townhouse in order to prevent his soon-to-be ex-wife from getting it in their divorce. Following each of Sal’s questions – which were “How pissed are you at the woman who caused Dr. Bartha to blow up his townhouse?”; “Should women stay in better shape to please their men?”; and “Is a woman entitled to a man’s money even if she gets fat?” – the women he asked stuck up for their gender and insisted it wasn’t the job of women to satisfy men.

Ivan Reitman and Luke Wilson, the director and star of the new movie, “My Super Ex-Girlfriend,” came into the studio to talk about their film. Ivan mentioned he and Luke were promoting the picture on a number of SIRIUS channels this morning to which Luke added he and one of his brothers, Andrew, were fans of Howard’s since they started listening to him in Dallas in 1994. Howard remembered Ivan, who produced “Private Parts,” warned him he couldn’t get divorced for at least two years after the movie came out seeing as it was about his relationship with Alison. However, Ivan said he knew Howard’s marriage was in trouble when he saw the Manhattan apartment he was building in the mid-1990s even though he was married and allegedly “happy” at that point.

Luke admitted he was banned from the Playboy Mansion years ago for trying to pass off one of his friends as his brother, Owen, at a party and was called out on it. Howard responded one of the rules at the Mansion is that only people on the guest list can get into the parties, while another guideline is any woman who hopes to attend a party there has to first send in a headshot to determine if they’re attractive enough to get in. Luke then said his “heart dropped” when he was listed on the DNA List – also known as the Do Not Admit List – at the Mansion and that Owen still went to all the parties by himself while he was blacklisted. Luke went on to claim he never had sex with any women at the Mansion, but acknowledged he got intimate with some of them in his car.

Ivan mentioned Uma Thurman plays a superhero in “My Super Ex-Girlfriend,” and they had an argument early in its filming over how “hot” her wardrobes had to be. Ivan proceeded to say Uma wears a number of outfits in the film, including ones that show off her stomach. Luke then mentioned he enjoyed his kissing scenes with Uma, but also claimed he didn’t touch her breasts during them.

Howard brought up that Luke dated Drew Barrymore and Gwyneth Paltrow, and he wanted to know how the relationships ended. Luke responded by admitting he employs a scheme that causes women to leave him, which includes first “running the relationships into the ground,” and then acting “surly” so the women can no longer stand him. After Luke mentioned his scheme was the reason both Drew and Gwyneth left him, Evil Dave asked Luke if he was circumcised, which he said he was.

Howard congratulated Ivan on the success of his son, Jason’s, directorial debut, “Thank You for Smoking.” Howard then said he decided to give Jason a shot at directing years ago when he offered him the chance to direct some episodes of “Son of the Beach,” but he turned down the offer.

Luke said he’s been dating a woman for a year-and-a-half, but they’ve been having difficulties as of late because of his schedule. Luke went on to note his girlfriend “works at a store” in Los Angeles, and insisted he never cheated on her. Evil Dave then asked Ivan if there were “any blacks” in “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” because he likes “seeing them in movies,” and Ivan replied Wanda Sykes has a part in the film.

Howard said Steve Grillo, a former intern for the show, called Richard last week to try to get tickets for his mother to a Wayne Newton concert, and then played a prank call Richard later made pretending to be Wayne. In the call, Steve told “Wayne” he listened to him his entire life, before also telling him, for some reason, he “could give two sh*ts” about him if it wasn’t for his mother’s love of his music. “Wayne” then told Steve he was masturbating while talking to him, and also asked Steve to “rub his tattoos on the phone.”

After “Wayne” ended his call with Steve, Howard pointed out he didn’t think Steve was too bright for falling for the call.

Riley Martin called in to report someone called his house last night and insulted his wife, and he figured it was Richard. However, Richard assured Riley it wasn’t him who made the call, and Howard backed up his claim. As Riley continued to accuse Richard of having made the call, Evil Dave asked Riley what “alien d*ck tastes like,” but he wouldn’t answer the question. Riley then said he was still blaming Howard and Robin for the call, regardless of Richard’s lack of involvement. When Howard responded by insisting no one from the show called his house, Riley yelled “bullsh*t” repeatedly. Evil Dave then commented he thought “all that alien semen” was getting to Riley’s head, and he admitted that might be the case. Riley still warned Howard, though, not to call his family anymore.

Although Riley mentioned his wife supposedly recognized Richard’s voice during the call, Richard again assured Howard he had nothing to do with the prank. Despite Riley’s insistence on talking about the phone call, Howard wanted to know how long he’d been married, noting he didn’t know he had a wife. Riley, who initially took the question as an insult, refused to answer that one as well, although he acknowledged he used to cheat on her. This led Robin to wonder if Riley thought the prank call was worse than his unfaithfulness to his wife, and he said he did.

When the topic of Riley’s salary for the show he does came up, Gary got on his intercom and reported Riley’s producer hadn’t yet gotten his money because an invoice still needed to be prepared, which was one of Riley’s complaints. Tim Sabean then came into the studio and told Howard that Riley had been paid all the money he was owed, including for last night’s broadcast, before asking how much Riley wanted to earn for his program. Riley responded, though, he wanted to have those discussions privately with Tim.

Once Howard decided he had to end his call, Riley said, “I have better things to do than to kiss the ass of the Golden Jew.” Evil Dave then told Richard to make sure he called Riley’s wife tonight for the second time, but he again denied being responsible for the call in question.

• Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting married.

• The Christie Brinkley-Peter Cook divorce continues to make headlines.

• The U.S. government is still trying to get American citizens out of the Lebanon.

• The Senate passed a bill for increased funding for stem-cell research, but President Bush has vowed to veto it.

• Gay marriage is still a hot topic on Capital Hill.

• Indictments have been given to three people in connection with the deaths of people in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina.

• The lead singer of Savage Garden, Darren Hayes, married his longtime partner in England.

• Leah Remini claims she’s seen in person Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ baby, Suri.

• Bryce Dallas Howard said Paul Giamatti was great in “Lady in the Water.”