OHHHH SAVANNA
The Howard Stern Show for March 15, 2006

Howard started the show by bringing up the two-hour interview he did yesterday on Sean Hannity’s radio program. Howard said that he liked visiting Sean’s station, WABC and that he brought his agent, Don Buchwald, and Ronnie the Limo Driver with him to the interview. Howard explained that Sean has a number of televisions in his studio so he can follow the various news networks during his broadcasts, as well as a room full of liberal, attractive women. Ronnie came into the studio and reported that the women, who are Sean’s producers and interns, immediately told him what big fans they are of Howard’s show and they wondered if they could attend a Scores party with everyone in the near future.

Howard reported that, at one point during his interview, he told Sean it’d be okay for him to admit he was attracted to the women who work for him, but that Sean wouldn’t do so because of the strong relationship he has with his wife. After Howard pointed out that he told Sean that “just looking” at other women doesn’t mean that he’s being unfaithful, Artie commented that he thought Sean’s response to the situation was a way for him to not offend any of his more conservative listeners. Gary then came into the studio and said that he enjoyed Howard’s discussion with Sean about gay marriage. Howard responded that Sean’s convinced gay marriage is bad for children because, according to his logic, all children should have a mother and a father in the household. When Robin noted, though, that she doesn’t feel gay marriage has anything to do with raising children, Howard agreed and added that many children who have heterosexual parents don’t live with both their mother and father.

During one of the commercials on Sean’s show, his wife called her husband on his cell phone and requested to speak to Howard. Howard said that Sean’s wife reported that, although she wasn’t injured, she had just been in an accident that totaled her car and that she wanted Howard to tell Sean about it – without alarming him. Howard recalled that he just smiled and told her that he understood then waited until they were back on the air before he broke the news to Sean. After telling Sean about his wife, Howard asked why his wife couldn’t tell him about the accident herself, especially if their marriage is as strong as he claims it is. Gary added that Sean responded to Howard’s question with the first of his five tongue-in-cheek “shut ups.”

Howard mentioned that another topic that came up during his talk with Sean was God, and that Sean insisted to him that people can’t be moral if they don’t have faith in “Him.” However, Howard replied to Sean’s comment by pointing out that was his opinion and that he shouldn’t dismiss other people’s beliefs. Then Artie commented that good atheists are sometimes considered the best people because they lead good lives without the fear of answering to God forcing them to.

Howard said that, despite their differing political views, Sean understands the importance of this lawsuit, especially because it involves one man being sued by a company with unlimited resources and exposure and that such an action could be taken against anyone in the entertainment industry. To illustrate his point, Howard went on to talk about the contributions Dan Rather made to CBS before he was unceremoniously fired because of a judgment in error he made in broadcasting a story that turned out to be false.

STAGE ONE OFFICIALLY DONE Howard admitted that some commentators have claimed his lawsuit with CBS could be a publicity stunt on his part. However, Howard noted that such an opinion makes no sense, explaining that, in order for this to be the case, he and Leslie would have to be in “cahoots” with each other. Howard went on to explain that his suit with CBS is real and that he’s being accused of “terrible things” in it. Howard proceeded to play clips of commentators, including Fox’s John Gibson and MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, talking about his Monday night appearance on “Late Show.” Following the segments, Howard reported that he’s now done with Stage One of his fight against CBS and that, after he “hibernates” for a while, he’ll launch into Stage Two.

Howard again mentioned that the women who work on Sean’s program were so attractive that he wants to have a contest with the girls from SIRIUS to see which ones are better looking. Ronnie came back into the studio and reported that the girls who work for Sean were really interested in going to Scores with Howard, and that Howard should make arrangements for such a party. Ronnie went on to say that last night he pleasured himself while thinking about some of Sean’s employees, which led him to note that he couldn’t believe Sean doesn’t do the same thing from time to time, especially because he has to work with them every day.

Blue Iris called in and told Howard that she was in the hospital for five days recently due to internal bleeding. Iris claimed that she had sex with “a really cute male nurse” while she was in the hospital and that the encounter occurred when he came into her room to administer her nightly massage. When Howard wondered if sex was the best idea for Iris since she was in the hospital for internal bleeding, she responded that, because she was “so horny,” she didn’t think about the potential consequences of her actions.

Artie told Iris that her story was “real sexy,” except for the part where she had sex, while Howard added that he didn’t believe a word of her tale. Iris went on to tell Howard that she’s sure he’ll win his lawsuit, because Leslie Moonves “allowed him to go on and on.” Before she got off the line, Iris mentioned that she wanted to give her love to Sal and Richard “Crispy.”

A caller named Randolph called in to tell Howard about a legal issue he’s having of his own. Randolph reported that he was recently fired from his job as a third-grade teacher at an all-boys Catholic school because he often got erections in front of his students and would then explain his condition to them – without ever actually showing it to them. Randolph insisted that there are times when all men get erections they can’t control and that he was never excited because of his students. Randolph added that he used to talk about his erections to his students because he didn’t think they’d be able to speak to their parents about the subject.

Randolph, who said he’s 40 years old and married with two sons, also admitted that there were times when he excused himself from his classroom in order to “take care of himself.” Randolph added that he discussed masturbation with his students once in a while, but that he never demonstrated how to do it in front of them.

Although Howard commented that he couldn’t understand why Randolph was getting aroused in front of kids, a construction worker called in and said that erections sometimes happen at “inopportune times” and that they’re impossible to hide. However, the caller added that he doesn’t talk about his dilemma with his coworker when he gets an erection.

After a number of calls from teachers who labeled Randolph as a pedophile, Randolph claimed that, one time when he excused himself from the classroom to masturbate and was followed to the toilet by a student. Randolph went on to say that, after he was done pleasuring himself, he explained to the boy what he had been doing and why he was doing it.

When Randolph announced that he plans on suing the school district that fired him, Howard wished him “lots of luck.” Artie told Randolph, though, that he shouldn’t get too confident about his court case, adding that “Sam Simon has a number of friends who’ve gotten woodies in front of children who’ve lost their cases.”

Howard pointed out that, while he’s still feeling a little sick, Artie has completely recovered from his illness. Artie responded that he’s better because of the antibiotics he took and that medication has kept him from getting sick throughout his life. When Howard told Artie that he refuses to take antibiotics because he’s read that doing so destroys the immune system, Artie assured him that hasn’t been the case for him, so he should try it.

Howard introduced a new feature called “The Mexican Delivery Guy Game” this morning, in which a Mexican restaurant deliveryman would have to choose to receive either monetary tips or sexual favors from porn star, Savanna Samson. Before the first contestant came into the studio, Howard tried to figure out how much money he should offer for each of Savanna’s acts. Howard first suggested that he offer the deliverymen the following choices: a $100 tip or the opportunity to squeeze Savanna’s breast over her clothes, a $200 tip or the chance to see Savanna naked, or a $500 tip or the chance to “dry hump” a nude Savanna. Howard added that if the men agreed to take the money, the game would be over.

When Sal pointed out that the amounts of money Howard was planning on offering was too high, Benjy agreed. Given this, Howard finalized the increments as $10 or a breast squeeze, $20 or a glimpse of a naked Savanna, or $50 or a “dry hump.”

When she came into the studio, Howard told Savanna that she looked better than ever and she responded that she’d be willing to do whatever he wanted for the game. Howard then had the game’s first participant, Isaac, 19, and an intern, Jeannette, who was going to translate for him, into the studio. Through Jeannette, Isaac acknowledged that he’d never heard of Howard before this morning and told everyone that he makes $300 a week as a deliveryman. Isaac went on to say that, on average, he makes a $5 tip for each delivery he makes. Isaac also claimed that he had sex just last week.

As Howard predicted, Isaac said he’d take the $10 over being able to feel up Savanna, as well as the $20 instead of getting the opportunity to see her naked. Isaac then noted that he wanted Howard’s offer of $50 as opposed to lying on top of Savanna and “dry humping” her.

Before he left the studio, Howard offered Isaac the chance to squeeze Savanna’s breasts if he gave back $5, which he agreed to do. However, Isaac refused to part ways with $10 in order to get on top of Savanna. Artie then speculated that if Howard had offered $500 for the game as he originally planned to do, Isaac would’ve agreed to kill anyone in the studio for the money.

Howard told Savanna that he pleasured himself recently to one of her scenes in “The Devil In Miss Jones,” but that he still had some complaints about the film. Howard explained that he judges pornos by how much time he spends fast-forwarding through them to get to the sex scenes and that he had to skip over about half of “Devil” just to get to Savanna’s first act. Savanna replied that because the movie’s director, Paul Thomas, treated “Devil” like a legitimate film, there was an actual story behind it. Savanna added, though, that the sex scenes in the film are great, once they finally show up.

Savanna noted that she learned about her newest passion, wine, through her husband, but that she was responsible for selecting the product she is selling. Savanna explained that she went to Italy recently and was presented with 50 juices before picking the one she wanted to use and that her husband made minimal contributions to the decision. Savanna also said that a bottle of her wine will retail for $30 - $40 in liquor stores. Howard also noted that Savanna’s wine, called “Sogno Uno” got a 91 rating from Robert Parker, one of the most respected wine critics in the world.

The next contestant for The Mexican Delivery Guy Game was Oscar, 40, who told Jeannette that this was his first week as a deliveryman. Oscar went on to say that he’d pass up the $10 tip in order to feel Savanna’s breasts. He then passed on the $20 tip in order to see her naked. When Oscar was asked if he was more interested in a $100 tip or lying on top of Savanna, he asked what Savanna wanted, to which Artie replied, “To be back in Los Angeles.”

Oscar not only turned down the $100 tip for the chance to “dry hump” Savanna, but stuck with his choice when the amount was doubled to a $200 tip. Howard then instructed Oscar to get on top of Savanna and “wiggle around a little.” While he was on top of Savanna, Oscar wanted to know if he could kiss her, but Howard told him he couldn’t. Following his session on top of Savanna, she proceeded to give Oscar what Howard called “an aggressive lap dance,” before Howard gave him a $50 tip for playing the game. Artie then commented that the best part about the game this morning was that Bill O’Reilly’s breakfast was “completely late” because of it.

After revealing that she’s been working on a reality series for Showtime, Savanna brought up that she has a Swedish girlfriend who she first met on a flight from Milan to New York several years ago. Savanna explained that she and the woman were seated next to each other on the plane and that they shared an immediate attraction. Savanna added that her girlfriend used to be a model and that she resembles a “sexier” Reese Witherspoon.

Savanna recalled that she and her now girlfriend got “cozy and cuddly” during their flight, but that they didn’t get physical until they arrived at the woman’s New York City apartment, where they went as soon as the plane landed. Savanna also said that she enjoyed the woman’s company so much that they spent the following three days in her apartment. Gary responded that Savanna’s story was the version of “Brokeback Mountain” that men want to see.

Howard asked Savanna if she’d be willing to get on the Sybian. Savanna replied that she’d seen “how to” specials designed for couples that featured the machine, but that she’d never been in the presence of one. Once she agreed to give the Sybian a shot, Howard advised her to be honest about what she was feeling while on it.

Gary started off Savanna’s ride on the Sybian at 10 percent, before moving it up to 30 percent and then 50 percent. When it reached that level, Savanna began moaning and giggling and told Gary “the faster the better.” Gary then increased the Sybian’s level to 80 percent and Savanna asked him not to go any higher, because she was about ready to have an orgasm, which she did – loudly and very erotically. Howard responded to the feat by pointing out that Savanna’s orgasm sounded like Artie’s reaction while eating pizza.

Gary noted that he thought Savanna’s ride on the Sybian was “the best one ever,” which led to a round applause. Savanna acknowledged that she could hardly stand up after she got off the Sybian and that she swore she didn’t fake her reaction, which Howard said he believed, given the way her eyes rolled back at the height of it. Savanna went on to say that, although the experience went by too quickly for her taste, she suggested Robin give it a try. However, Robin responded that she wasn’t interested in Savanna’s proposal.

After taking several calls from listeners who were amazed with Savanna’s performance, Doug Goodstein of Howard TV announced that the video of Savanna will make its debut on the service tomorrow.

Comedian, Greg Fitzsimmons, came into the studio to sit in for the news. Greg brought up that he’ll be hosting his second straight Adult Video News Awards ceremony this year and that he had a good time as host last year. Greg explained that the producers of the ceremony warned him during his first appearance that the porn crowd is a tough one to win over, but that he felt he was able to do so. Greg went on to say that he received $5,000, a free flight and hotel room, as well $20,000 worth of porn DVDs for the job. Greg added that Tabitha Stevens even offered to perform oral sex on him if he agreed to say something nice about her when he was onstage. However, because he’s married, Greg noted that he refused Tabitha’s offer.

After playing some clips of Greg’s routine at last year’s AVN Awards, Tabitha called in to claim that she not only didn’t offer to give Greg oral sex in exchange for an onstage compliment, but that she wasn’t even at last year’s ceremony. Greg responded that his conversation with Tabitha actually occurred in New York and that there were other people around them at the time who could corroborate his story. However, Tabitha insisted that if she made the offer to Greg it was in jest, although she didn’t remember saying it in the first place.

Jeff the Drunk then got on the line and called Tabitha a “lying f’ing c*nt” before saying that, even though he wasn’t there, he’s familiar enough with her character to know Greg must be telling the truth. Howard admitted that he didn’t know who to believe and pointed out that now there’s a new controversy surrounding the show.

Greg mentioned that, in order to prepare for his role as host of the AVN Awards, he visited the sets of several porn shoots to see just how hard porn stars work. Greg then mentioned that he witnessed one interaction where a woman was standing on her head while a man was “doing squats into her.” Greg added that when he got home he was so charged up that he “went at it” with everything he had with his wife, but was only rewarded with slipped a disc in his lower back for his efforts. This led Greg to point out that he always liked the work of porn stars, but it wasn’t until he saw their work ethic firsthand that he truly started to appreciate it.

While Robin was doing a news report on video games, Gary came into the studio and announced that Scott DePace still plays them even though he’s 36 years old. Scott then entered the studio and admitted that he’s addicted to video games, and that he spends too much of his time playing them with kids on the Internet. Scott added that he sometimes gets appalled at the sexual language his young opponents use online, but that he quickly has the same reaction toward himself when he realizes what, at his age, he’s doing with his time. When Gary said that he had a point to make about his sons and video games, Howard told him that he “didn’t really care” and asked Robin to get back to her news.