THE HOTTEST GIRL ARTIE’S EVER SEEN
The Howard Stern Show for March 17, 2008

Howard started off the show noting that Robin's “funny” life made the paper recently, but Robin took offense. Robin explained that her group, “Girls' Night Out,” chooses a fledgling charity every year and throws a benefit to help it out. Jason came in to confess that he was the token male member of “Girls Night Out,” leading Artie to cancel his involvement with Jason's bachelor party. Gary also revealed he was involved with the charity, as he's had to help Jason research a list of wealthy potential donors.

Howard played some clips of Barack Obama's crazy minister's sermons, and Robin noted that if you stand next to stupid people long enough, stupid will splash on you. Fred said the title of Obama's book was a reference to one of the minister's sermons, so no matter how hard he tried to distance himself from the guy, the influence was undeniable. Howard laughed that the minister was now mysteriously “out of the country.”

Howard asked Artie if he'd heard from his bookie lately, but Artie said, “We're not speaking.” The last he heard from the guy, his wife called and yelled at Artie for discussing the business on the radio. Artie confessed that he hung up on the wife, as he felt he'd already done them every favor by not trying to collect the $60,000+ he's still owed. Artie finished the anecdote by referencing another story he has yet to tell; “Maybe it'll be in my book.”

Mark the Bagger and Jimmy Pop (of the Bloodhound Gang) stopped by to promote Mark's show on Howard101 (tonight at 7pm). Howard played the angry answering machine message Mark left for Jimmy after his last “gay-centric” interview on the show, so Mark explained that his mom was mad with his homo-confessions. Jimmy laughed that even the mayor of Mark's hometown teased him about his gay “mistakes.”

Mark read a letter he wrote apologizing for his angry message and followed it up by telling the crew the time he fingered Mary Carey. Mark also confessed that he still worked as a bagger at a grocery store, but it hasn't stopped him from picking up a 300lb girlfriend. Jimmy asked Mark what he liked to do with his girl, so Mark laughed that once “surprised” her by sticking a wooden spoon in her ass. Mark then admitted that he and his girlfriend have since broken up.

Mark told the crew about his “sniffing” fetish: he likes to smell girls and then beat off to their scent when he gets home. Howard asked if Mark had hooked up with any men recently, but Mark claimed he had not. Mark revealed that he once hoped his interviews with Howard would get him appearances on Letterman or Regis & Kelly, but they've never called. Mark's next confession may explain why: he jerked off in front of all his friends on New Year's Eve.

Howard welcomed “King of All Pimps,” Jason Itzler back the studio, as the show had Jason on the day before the identity of Eliot Spitzer's whore was revealed, and, as it turns out, “Kristen” - or Ashley Dupree - used to be one of Jason's escorts. Jason said he met Ashley at the Gansevoort Hotel, where she worked as a cocktail waitress. At first he had no intention of turning her into a whore, but she sought out and loved the work, earning – at one point - as much as $100,000 a month.

Jason noted that the most remarkable (and marketable) part about Ashley is her “awesome” vagina; her “co-workers” called it “the most beautiful vagina on the planet.” Howard asked if Ashley was a nymphomaniac, but Jason didn't think so; “She just really enjoyed sex.” Jason added that he'd never seen a girl spend more (or be so happy to spend) money in his life and guessed that her annual income topped $1,000,000 at one point. Jason said Ashley was very private about her business, noting that none of her legit friends and co-workers knew about her side-job.

Howard read a few of the Ashley's reviews from an escort-rating website, which noted Ashley's oral abilities, great body, and fantastic fake tits. A lot of the reviews included strange acronyms, so Jason explained that “BBBJ” meant bare-back blowjob, “BBBJTC” meant bareback blowjob to completion, and “TDL” meant total devotional love (we think). Jason then introduced the crew to Jennifer, a waitress at Marquee, who told the crew about Jason's skill at (legitimately) matching women with “great” rich guys. To prove his abilities, Jason offered Artie the opportunity to be matched with women like Jennifer for free, and Artie jumped at the chance.

Brianna Frost, the new Miss HowardTV stopped by, and Artie, of course, declared she was “the hottest chick we've ever had up here.” After seeing Briana's thong, Artie threatened to leave; “She's the hottest thing I've ever seen. It's aggravating.” Briana told the crew she was half-black, so Artie asked, “Would you have a problem telling my mother you're Sicilian?” Briana laughed that she would not.

Brianna confessed that she's never had gotten an orgasm from a penis, adding that she just might've never been exposed to an appropriately sized member. Howard thought the Sybian might do the trick, and, after a little encouragement, Brianna jumped on for a squeal - but hopped off before she finished. Brianna then claimed her breasts were real, and Artie – after a cursory feel-test – confirmed; “They're the nicest tits ever.”

• David Paterson will be sworn in as the Governor of New York today.

• Teddy Peterson says he used to have three-ways with the McGreeveys.

• More bodies might be on the Manson ranch.

• Are Madonna and Guy Ritchie on the outs?

• Halle Berry had a baby.

• ABBA's drummer died in a freak accident.

• Britney Spears ate dinner with Mel Gibson.

• Doctors weren't negligent in John Ritter's death.

• A crane collapsed in midtown Manhattan.

• A tornado hit Atlanta.

• “Dancing with the Stars” premieres tonight.