THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
The Howard Stern Show for March 21, 2007

Howard started today saying that he stayed up until 10 o’clock last night, just so he could vote for Sanjaya on “American Idol,” although he admitted that for some reason he didn’t think Sanjaya would make the cut this week. Howard then took a call from a man who claimed he voted for Sanjaya 75 times while Howard added his favorite “contestant” yesterday was Sanjaya’s sister, who was sitting in the crowd, and talked about some really hot photographs of her he had seen. Mike Gange then said he voted for Sanjaya about 10 times last night, but wasn’t sure his votes counted because he got through each time without a problem.

Eric the Midget called in and Gary asked him if he sent Ryan Seacrest an e-mail about Howard’s plan to get Sanjaya voted as the next “American Idol.” Although Eric admitted he did send Ryan such a message, he refused to get onto his e-mail account to read it on the air. However, Eric did say the gist of his e-mail was to get Ryan to “combat” Howard, while adding he voted for his favorite “American Idol” contestant, LaKisha, “as many times as he could” during the voting hours last night.

After Howard referred to Eric as “an ingrate” for attempting to “snitch” on him to Ryan, Gary noted Eric was now refusing to take part in the wrestling trivia challenge he had lined up for him, mainly because there was no prize if he won. Gary then commented that he asked Eric to come up with a list of demands for the contest, but Eric replied he wouldn’t do that because he assumed he wouldn’t get what he wanted no matter what was on his list.

Howard went on to take calls from listeners who said they voted hundreds of times for Sanjaya before playing a clip of his performance last night of the Kinks’ “You Really Got Me.” Following even more calls from people who talked about how many times they voted for Sanjaya, Howard announced that he felt “the fix was in” if Sanjaya didn’t advance to the next round.

A caller asked Howard if he got engaged as a way to attract new subscribers, but he replied that wasn’t the case. The caller then wanted to know if Howard would be as open on the air about Beth once they were married as he was with his first wife, Alison, but Howard told him that he already talked about Beth as much as he wanted. Howard went on to explain he didn’t want to “screw up” his second marriage by discussing his and Beth’s personal lives on the air, and assured the caller that neither he nor Beth had any desire to have children.

This led to a conversation about whether some women simply didn’t want to have children, with the caller suggesting that, unless they were molested when they were young, all women had the desire to reproduce. Robin responded, though, that she knew when she was 4 years old that she didn’t want to have kids, and Howard added Beth was the same age when she made the same decision as well.

Because Eric was still on the line, he mentioned he was going to interview a former “American Idol” contestant at the opening of an ice cream parlor later today, and that he hoped to have clips from it tomorrow.

Howard brought up that he got a number of negative e-mails yesterday following his blowup at Gary for not having tapes of Riley Martin ready when he wanted them. Howard then read some of the messages, with a few guessing his engagement to Beth was causing him more tension than he had in his life before. Upon hearing the messages, Artie said he understood Howard’s reaction to the situation, noting he knew Howard took the show seriously and therefore got upset whenever things didn’t run smoothly.

Howard next transitioned into clips from Riley’s supposed final SIRIUS broadcast that aired last night, with the Riley stating he could no longer work for his current salary. Riley went on to blame the fact that he was black for the little money he was being offered, adding he didn’t just fault “the Jews” for this. As the tapes continued, Gary got on his intercom and announced Riley planned on taking his show to the Internet if he wasn’t able to negotiate his SIRIUS contract to his satisfaction.

The musicians, Tommy Shaw formerly of Styx and Jack Blades of Night Ranger, came into the studio to promote their new CD, “Influence.” Before they got to that, though, Jack talked about how he and Tommy became friends while they were in the band, Damn Yankees, which he added was fronted by Ted Nugent. This led to a discussion about the times Tommy and Jack went hunting with Ted, and how Ted once shot a squirrel for them to eat while they practiced.

Jack went on to say he and Tommy used to “sit around” and play some of their favorite songs, and that’s when they decided to record “Influence,” which he mentioned was a collection of covers. The two then played portions of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence,” Buffalo Springfield’s “For What It’s Worth,” “Summer Breeze” by Seals & Crofts, and Yes’ “Your Move.”

Robin then asked if Tommy would go on “American Idol” if he was just starting his career, but he didn’t think he would. Howard then noted hearing Tommy and Jack perform reminded him of what “a joke” the “Idol” was because of how talented they were, especially compared to the contestants on “American Idol.” Upon Howard’s request, Tommy and Jack launched into “Dirty Work” by Steely Dan, as well as Styx’s “Fooling Yourself,” as requested by Gary.

While in the studio talking about today’s Howard 100 News headlines, Lisa G. reported Richard was now buying his underwear on eBay. After Gary also noted Richard had been dousing his dirty gym clothes with body spray instead of washing them, Richard came into the studio to insist he didn’t do such things merely to get on the air. Howard then brought up that he knew Richard had been recording himself taking a crap every morning, and played a prank call Richard put together using the clips. Richard went on to say he was now brushing his teeth twice a day, although he also admitted there were times he still liked going to bed without having cleaned his teeth.

Howard had author, Suzanne Portnoy, 46, in to discuss her book, “The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker: An Erotic Memoir.” Howard then set up Suzanne’s story by saying she was married and living in London when she was 40, got divorced, and decided to go out and F’. Suzanne responded by saying that, at 40, she hadn’t had sex with her husband in four years because of the way he laughed at her whenever she had an orgasm, which was why she chose to leave him to explore her sexuality.

After Howard noted Suzanne attended “swingers parties,” she added she and a guy she knew at the time found a club that catered to the fetish and that was her first encounter with the lifestyle. Howard went on to say Suzanne also performed oral sex on strangers at “glory holes,” which she described as a peep show booth with a hole in one wall that men stick their penises through. Suzanne added she usually serviced six men at a time at the glory holes, and that they could see her even though she couldn’t tell what they looked like.

Suzanne also mentioned she had “double-vaginal sex,” and described what positions she and her two males partners had to be in for the feat to occur. Suzanne then claimed her two children were “straight” and didn’t engage in the behavior she practiced, while admitting she had sex with a stranger the same day she attended the funeral of a boyfriend who’d passed away.

Howard brought up that David Letterman was absent from “Late Show” last night because of a stomach virus, and that Adam Sandler filled in for him. To discuss this, Howard brought Evil David Letterman into the studio, and he began his appearance by asking Robin, who recently started racing cars, to sit on his belly and pretend his “penis was a stick shift.” Dave went on to say that, “even dead,” Anna Nicole Smith was still “a great f’.” Howard then read some articles out of tabloids, including ones about President Bush’s alleged marital problems, Elton John’s recent birthday party, and Bernie Mac proposing a roast for Michael Richards featuring only black comedians. Evil Dave proceeded to recite the following poem as well: “Roses are red, violets are blue, if you saw the size of Paul Schaffer’s penis, you’d be turned on too.”

Howard continued a segment from yesterday, playing songs that sounded like they borrowed extensively from other songs, before taking a call from a Philadelphia disc jockey, Denny, who claimed Led Zeppelin “ripped off 95 percent” of their music. To prove Denny’s assertion, Howard played a song called “Taurus” by a band named Spirit, which everyone identified as sounding just like “Stairway to Heaven,” a song written years after “Taurus.”

As Denny promised Howard he’d come into the studio with more examples of Led Zeppelin “stealing” music, Evil Dave asked Denny what he looked like, adding “he sounded like he had a big, fat c*ck.”

Martina Navratilova called in and refuted Howard’s claim that she was able to “convert” heterosexual women into lesbians. After referring to Robin as “the straightest woman ever,” Martina said she was “happily married,” and that, if Robin ever decided to try the gay lifestyle, she’d set her up with one of her friends. Martina went on to note the only time she made “a pass” at Robin was when she “passed” her on the race track, and added that she’d come into the studio the next time she was in New York.

Howard’s former girlfriend, Angie Everhart, came in, and right away insisted she’d never dated Prince Andrew as Howard claimed. Angie then asked Robin if she was gay given her new friendship with Martina, but Robin laughed off the suggestion. This led Angie to say she liked men too much to ever get into women, and that she had no problems hanging out with her attractive female friends.

Howard remembered he and Angie broke up because she moved from New York to Los Angeles, but she said she felt he had other female “friends” even when they were together anyway. Howard then called Angie “super cool” when it came to their relationship because she took it so casually, adding that he met Beth so long following their split that he didn’t feel the need to inform her of it. Angie proceeded to report she was now dating “a normal guy” from San Francisco, even though she acknowledged she wasn’t sure what he did for a living.

As Angie continued to talk about how “great” Howard was during their time together, Evil Dave said he thought Howard was “a great lover” as well. When Angie acknowledged that she had been intimate with Howard, Evil Dave called her “a Jew lover,” making her laugh out loud.

Howard recalled how much fun he had with Angie, but admitted for the first time that it was her that actually “dumped” him. However, Angie assured Howard that wasn’t the case, but that she needed to go back to California for work, and that she didn’t think a long-distance relationship between them would work. Howard then acknowledged how jealous he got whenever Angie traveled without him, but she replied by saying she was “so in love with him,” and that she too was jealous of his relationship with Courtney Love at the time. Howard commented, though, that he didn’t remember being friends with Courtney back then, but also told Angie that he thought she looked so good that he wouldn’t have cheated on her regardless.

Richard came into the studio and asked Angie if Howard was “small,” and she responded that “it didn’t matter.” After noting Howard was “a great lover,” Angie asked Richard if he was gay considering all the questions he was asking about Howard’s penis. Angie then, after she had the term explained to her, refused to answer Richard’s remaining question – which was whether or not Howard had “tossed her salad” – before talking about how she had apartments in both New York and in California. Angie proceeded to say she was in a new movie, “The Unknown Trilogy,” which she said started screening tomorrow.

Howard and Angie went on to discuss their relationship, with both of them admitting they got along perfectly, but that their dating never reached a serious plateau. Howard did joke, though, that whenever he wanted to keep Beth in line, he’d bring up Angie’s name, but added he knew as soon as he met Beth that they’d be together “for a long time.”

Evil Dave asked Angie what her stance was on Puerto Ricans, pointing out he thought they were “dangerous.” This led Angie to report the real Dave didn’t like her because of an appearance she once made on “Late Show.” Angie then said that, during her interview, Dave asked her if anyone had ever said anything rude to her in French – her second language – and she responded that a man once asked her, “Will you suck my…” Angie went on to note she didn’t finish the line on the air, but Dave walked off the stage, returned five minutes later, and announced he was starting his interview with Angie over.

Although Angie commented she felt Dave was offended by her remark, Howard replied he had a different take, joking that he thought Dave was attracted to her and was merely trying to show off his “power.” Angie added the original segment was left on the show, and insisted Dave wasn’t joking when he got up, as Gary said Vinny Favale had suggested off the air when he called in to address the incident.

• A man and a woman arrested for having sex in front of their child were sentenced to probation.

• Robin Thicke’s music career is continuing to flourish.

• Dina Lohan is worried for the safety of her daughter, Lindsay.

• Pet owners continue to be concerned over tainted animal food.

• Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck got into it yesterday on “The View.”

• Jerry Springer will be taking over for Regis Philbin as host of the show, “America’s Got Talent.”

• A United States general has said insurgents in Iraq are now using children to position car bombs in the country.

• President Bush is standing behind the attorney general despite the way he fired some prosecutors.

• Newt Gingrich has talked about the government’s reaction to Hurricane Katrina.

• A boy scout was found in the woods after having been missing for four days.

• A skywalk was constructed over the Grand Canyon.

• Britney Spears has left rehab.

• A boy was expelled for urinating in his teacher’s coffee pot.

• Paul McCartney sent flowers to Heather Mills for her debut performance on “Dancing with the Stars” earlier this week.

• The “American Idol” vote show airs tonight.