Welcome to The Howard Stern Show Weekly! Written by superfan and freelance columnist Tanya Edwards the Weekly will highlight some of the best moments from the past week and include more links and information for the superfan in all of us. All opinions expressed are Tanya's.
THE HOWARD STERN SHOW WEEKLY (ISSUE 6)
Good morning everyone! This is the last weekly before the holidays, and we're off to live the dream: drinking like and ignoring all the family fights. Here's hoping Santa brings you peace and love.
A MUSIC CRITIC WEIGHS IN ON SAL'S HOLIDAY SONGS
Kicking off a music heavy week was one of the best pranks on the show in awhile, with Howard convincing the endlessly gullible Sal Governale (it's really amazing how dopey he is, he's like a unicorn!) that after hearing the holiday songs Sal posted on Twitter he was going to rent out Radio City Music Hall for a Sal Governale Christmas Spectacular. We loved the part where Sal said it probably wasn't necessary to get the Rockettes involved. Really Sal? You don't say.
Sal seemed genuinely shocked that Howard, Robin and Fred weren't fans of his songs, so let's turn to an expert to explain it to Sal. Maura Johnston is the editor of Maura Magazine, the ILA Journalism Fellow at Boston College, and a recovering American Idol recapper.
"He has a very deep-seated vibrato and it sounds really luscious on the first verse, especially. Pitch problems crop up here and there, and they're a bit more noticeable on the notes where he isn't employing his vibrato, but those can be corrected by practicing regularly (doing so will also give his voice a bit more fullness, which he shows the potential for). Also, if he's going to do such a faithful reading of the track, he should probably make sure that he enunicates the gerunds (words ending in "-ing") the down-home way Elvis did. I never realized how jarring a "g" ending a word could sound until listening to this!"
"Again, pitch problems, particularly on the key change leading into the bridge. I would have him study live performances of this song that he likes in order to take note of how the singers are moving their mouths on certain vowel sounds; sometimes his enunciation is just a little too similar to speech for his performance to really be believable, particularly on such a frothy song. But again, he has a lot of potential to grow into a full-on crooner—the way he sticks the landing on the last 'yearrrrr' is ample evidence of his talent.
Regular practice, hot tea, and close study of who he wants to consider his peers should have him sorted. (Also I would recommend listening to Daughn Gibson for pointers on enunciation and overall 'vibe.')"
RONNIE'S CREEPY SEX TIPS GET CREEPIER (AND MORE DANGEROUS)
We got to hear Ronnie's sex tips this week, and…wow. of us are prudes here, but Ronnie's playing with fire…or bacterial infections.
Rachel Kramer Bussel, erotica writer and editor (her books include The Big Book of Orgasms: 69 Sexy Stories, Cheeky Spanking Stories, Serving Him: Sexy Stories of Submission and Baby Got Back: Anal Erotica), gave us some thoughts on Ronnie's candy cane "tip."
"While a candy cane would definitely make her tingle, it may not be in a positive way, as sugar can be damaging down there and encourage bacteria growth," Rachel said.
"If you want that same sweetness, try a flavored lube, or have her put on a candy cane show for you. Tell her to see how much of it she can get in her mouth--and that's as much as she'll get of you!"
Ladies Man Ronnie Mund
But is playing with food in the bedroom a good idea? Oh yes. Rachel gave us some sexier ways to play with food.
"So much of what makes food sexy is how it's presented. Think of gobbling a sandwich versus delicately spooning a bite of brownie to a lover. One way to draw out the flavor and the arousal of sexy foods is by taking control and making your lover wait for your cue. If they're game, put a blindfold on them and tell them you're going to give them dessert, if they're good. Feel free to kiss, fondle, suck, stroke and generally torment them until they're ready to eat out of the palm of your hand--literally. Then slip them a treat that combines two known aphrodisiacs: chile and chocolate!
For the spice lovers, try something like Vosges guajillo and chipotle super dark chocolate bar or Theo Chocolate's ghost chile bar, or a plain chocolate bar. The main point is, you're going to feed it to them and they're going to love every second of it.
Alternate feeding them the sweet dessert with feeding them the body part of your choice. If they're not into sweets, this can work with anything that breaks easily into small pieces, like a sensual piece of brie or a bite of shrimp. As long as it's a food they enjoy, you're golden. Then be ready to have the tables turned and be the one on the receiving end of the taste test!"
Honestly, if you bring your significant other either of these chocolates, at the very least you're getting laid.
Bobo and Richard practicing safe food play
REMEMBERING TYPE O NEGATIVE AND PETER STEELE
Howard played Type O Negative's classic haunting cover of Neil Young's "Cinnamon Girl" this week and heaped praise on the song. For newer fans (or non-metalheads), Type O Negative were a gothic metal band hailing from Brooklyn, New York who released seven full-length albums over the course of their career, which spanned 1989 to 2010, when lead singer Peter Steele died unexpectedly of a heart attack.
They also did an awesome cover the Status Quo song "Pictures of Matchstick Men" with Ozzy Osbourne for the Private Parts soundtrack.The band has a history with the show, with Pete appearing several times, and of course, his Playgirl shoot being the topic of conversation. While the band sang pretty dark songs, Pete was known as being a sweetheart of a guy.
Former head of Roadrunner Records publicity Jamie Roberts, shares, "I remember once Howard was talking about the band and I was frantically calling Peter to get him on the phone for Howard. He was actually on his roof doing repair work at the time and I sent someone to his house to get him on the phone. I was fighting with him the whole time he was on the roof for him to come down and call in to the show. We wound up missing the opportunity and Peter wound up being mad at me for being such a nag.
Jamie recalls that Pete was a big fan of the show, "One thing I do remember that you can use is that Peter was a very humble man and he was honored at what a fan Howard was. He was always ready with his quick wit and self-deprecating humor to make sure everyone around him had a good time."
A REVIEW OF SAL AND JON LEIBERMAN'S "RAP"
We're still flabbergasted Scoop DeVille wanted to produce this track, but it's always fun to be on the Stern show, right? This was a hilarious bit, and Jon and Sal actually thinking it was a good song really took it over the top. But (and there is always a but) even though the whole crew trashed the song, we wanted a true hip-hop expert to give us the rundown.
We spoke with Billy Johnson Jr., a senior editor for Yahoo Music (follow him on Twitter at @billyjohnsonjr). This guy is no joke.
Does this song sound contemporary?
"Scoop DeVille produced one of my favorite Snoop Dogg ("I Wanna Rock") and Kendrick Lamar ("Poetic Justice") songs, so I'm a fan of this work. This track has an old school boom-bap sound, but I believe that is intentional given the lyrics. The rappers are bragging about how they used to rap back in the day and have kept up their chops. Based on the interview with Howard, sounds like this was a long-shot attempt to make a hip hop record and that's how it comes across. It feels like a spoof, more Lonely Island than 3rd Bass."
G Man and Kool the Candy Wrapper - a Novelty Act at Best
Would this track sell?
"If they go the Lonely Island route and make a funny video it could have a shot at going viral. But they need to go funnier on the lyrics. No one is going to buy this as the real deal, so they might as well play up the comedic angle. After listening to the snippet a few times, there was nothing about the lyrics that grabbed me, though the shock value of the obscene anal sex reference bothered me. That would be the point that I would abruptly turn the song off. They need to go funny here."
Should the two guys behind this continue to pursue music, or retire?
If they can come up with funnier lyrics, I think they could come up with some good bits for the show, but, based on what I've heard thus far, that's likely about it.
Tanya Edwards is a writer and editor who has written for Glamour as the lead writer for the Conversation and iVillage as a daily contributer. For more information, visit her website Superfan Media and follow her on Twitter @MissTanya