Memory of Love

When Howard announced that he had to pleasure himself in order to fall asleep last night, Artie admitted he did the same thing as well. Artie mentioned that because he is too lazy to get up and put in a porno, he has taken to doing the deed using only his memory for stimulation. He went on to say that last night all he could think about was a particular hooker he met in Vegas about five years ago and those memories helped him out. Artie noted that the hooker was performing at a bachelor party for one of his friends and that, after orally servicing two people at the party, she slept with him and stayed the night. Artie recalled that the woman was into drugs in a major way and had a tattoo on her lower back. He added that the hooker also had a daughter who wanted to be an actress. Because he was on "Norm" at the time, Artie admitted that he was so interested in the woman that he told her to give him headshots of her daughter so he could try to get her a job on television.

When Artie got back to Los Angeles after the bachelor party, he recalled that he and the hooker stayed in touch and she came to visit him on a number of occasions. In fact, the two became so close that Artie said he even mentioned to Norm MacDonald that he was falling in love with her, even though she was a real-life whore. Artie then mentioned that when the girl came to visit one time, he wanted to impress her so badly that he gave her a tour of the Warner Brothers set, which was where "Norm" was shot. He told Howard that during the tour, the two saw Mark Wahlberg and that the hooker commented on how good looking he was. Artie remembered calling Mark a jerk-off under his breath and then being afraid that Mark had heard him and would respond by beating him in front of his hooker-girlfriend. Luckily for Artie, though, Mark missed his quip