Jeff the Drunk stopped by the studio to say his goodbyes to Howard. Ronnie the Limo Driver announced that Jeff was more annoying than usual this morning, because he was drunk, high and demanding things while waiting in the green room.
Howard pointed out to Jeff what a mess he is and asked him if he'd be willing to sit down with a psychiatrist for 13 weeks and have the sessions broadcast on SIRIUS. Jeff responded that Howard has never steered him wrong before and that his mother loves him and wishes him a merry Christmas.
Howard then told Jeff that, at the very least, he hopes the therapy sessions will convince him it's time to move out of his mom's trailer. When Jeff remarked that he couldn't leave his mother, Artie mentioned that Jeff was making it sound like his mom was dependent on him. Jeff informed Artie that was, in fact, the case, and that while his mother pays for the trailer, he uses his food stamps to supply her food.
Four Years of Memories
Upon establishing that Jeff was introduced to the show in 2001 when he participated in the "Who Wants to be a Butt Billionaire" game which offered Tabitha Stevens as its grand prize, Howard played the following clips highlighting Jeff's years with the show:
• The "Stuck On You Contest," when a woman named Jenny won $20,000 for being chained to Jeff for four straight days. In the tapes, Jeff, who was extremely drunk, collapses in the street and yells at people for not helping him up. Jenny called in to tell Howard that she used the money to take care of her ill husband and to go on a vacation. Isaac, who manned the camera during the contest and who subsequently suffered a minor breakdown after being forced to follow Jeff for such an extended period of time, also got on the line. Isaac noted that as disgusting as Jeff is, he has a way of drawing people into his world. Jeff proceeded to thank Isaac for his compliment.
• The time Jeff had something brown that he claimed to be a blister in his underwear.
• The time a porn star who had sex with Jeff after a contest on the show broke down in tears following their date.
• Jeff's duet with Carly Simon on "Mockingbird," as well as his performance of "Always on My Mind" with Willie Nelson.
Pee Ya Later
As Howard was playing a phone call Sal and Richard made using a tape of Jeff coughing, Jeff announced he had to go to the bathroom. Howard informed Jeff that if he couldn't hold it, his interview was over. However, Jeff replied that he really had to go, but that he would be back as soon as he was done. Since he only had to urinate, Sal brought in a bucket for Jeff to use. Much to Howard's dismay, Jeff then relieved himself in the bucket in front of everyone. Howard commented that he couldn't stand the smell of Jeff's urine, and added that he was going to vomit if the bucket wasn't removed from the studio. Jeff responded by telling Howard "goodnight," and leaving.
Keeping It in the Bucket
Gary reported that, during the commercial break, Sal placed the bucket with Jeff's urine on Ronnie's chair, and that Ronnie threw the chair at him. Even though Sal tripped while dodging the chair, Gary noted that none of the bucket's contents spilled. Gary added that Sal then took the bucket into Scott the Engineer's studio and held it over Scott's head. However, Gary commented that Scott hadn't heard the segment, and didn't know the bucket contained Jeff's nectar.