A very drunk sounding Henry Hill called in today to lament St. Valentine's Day. He kept saying something like "Al Capone had it right", possibly referring to the infamous St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
Howard asked him if he ever felt guilty about all the people he had murdered but Hill maintained that he didn't murder anyone. This despite the fact that he once admitted on the show that he had killed at least three people one of them with an ice pick to the back of the head. He started to curse and Howard asked him what he thought about his kids trashing him on "60 Minutes" recently. Henry really didn't have an answer and said that Howard's kids will probably do that to him one day.
Howard said he really didn't think so and pointed out the hell that Henry put his kids through with going to jail and all the drugs and arguments with his wife. Henry denied being drunk and eventually got off the phone.
This was followed by a call from a real drunk, Jeff the Drunk, who wanted to wish Robin a Happy Valentine's Day. Jeff claims to be selling things like t-shirts and pictures on his website Jeff The Drunk.net. Howard told Jeff that he should spend more time trying to figure out how to give his mom some money rather than sell crap on the internet. Howard wondered if Jeff ever planned on his leaving his mom's trailer for his own place but Jeff said he has no such plans. Howard told him to do something for his mother for Valentine's Day, like at the least get her a card. Jeff said he had just woken up and asked if he could take a hit off his bowl so Howard said go ahead. Jeff took a hit and then coughed violently for a long time. Howard laughed and wondered if Jeff ever woke up in the morning and thought about getting a job instead of getting high. Artie just wondered if that loud coughing fit woke Jeff's mother up.