Jamie, a school teacher, came in today because she didn't understand why she couldn't find a boyfriend even though she's hot. She said she considers herself an eight, but can't meet any good guys. Before she came into the studio, Howard guessed the reason why she couldn't keep a guy is because she's really annoying. He said the guys in the hall were already saying that she talks too much. Howard also bet her standards were way too high.
Jamie walked in and both Howard and Artie were impressed by how good she looked. Artie said he was ready to get with her right now. She started to talk about herself and right away Howard said her voice was a little annoying. Jamie is 32 years old, 5'0" and has B cup sized boobs. She said they used to be D cup, but then she lost 30 pounds. Howard wanted her to get in a bikini, but she refused because she knows her body isn't perfect. She said when she does wear bikinis, she wears a sarong around her waist. Sal the Stockbroker said he hated all her freckles, but everyone else thought he was nuts. Artie suggested she talk less and stop voicing her opinions because guys don't like that. Howard said she was acting defensive and argumentative and that's a turn off. Despite needing to chill out a little, everyone in the studio would date her in a second.
Will the Farter Helps Out
During the interview, Jamie finally hit upon a subject the guys didn't mind hearing a lot about - her various lesbian experiences. She said the first girl she was with was a 200 pounds bull dyke. She said she went for her because she figured it was pretty close to being with a man, but she ultimately didn't like the experience. She also once did it with a girl in front of her boyfriend who was passed out at the time. Her most recent lesbian experience was with a girl she met online. They had a few dates and then got it on in a car. They parked the car in a neighborhood and got in the backseat and went from there. Howard and Artie thought she might be a lesbian, but she insisted she wasn't. Howard was about to rap up the interview when Jamie mentioned she still lives at home because she couldn't afford a place by herself yet.
Howard then tried to negotiate with her to get farted in the face for money. Will the Farter was there and Howard said he'd give her $1000 to get farted on 500 times. Jamie tried to negotiate it down to 100 farts but Howard insisted. First she was lying on her stomach with her face near Will's crotch as he lay on his back with his feet in the air. Will let out some long and loud farts and everyone was moaning and laughing, but Jamie kept her face in place. Then Howard had them switch positions so that they were both on their hands and knees and Jamie had her nose right by Will's ass. He let out some more great farts and Jamie was able to earn her money. Howard congratulated her and then said if she could learn to shut up 50% of the time, she'd probably find herself a good man.