The Return of the Prince of Darkness

Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne came to the studio today for a little visit. As they walked in, Howard commented on how thin the two looked and Artie added that they looked "cocaine skinny." However, Ozzy quickly responded that he has been clean of drugs and alcohol for a year and a half now, and that he's never felt better. Despite Ozzy feeling good these days, Howard is not happy with the way Sharon treats him on their MTV show and added if she doesn't change right away, Ozzy should leave her.

Howard feels that Ozzy should be allowed to retire if he wants to and that Sharon is forcing him to continue working to supplement her spending. When asked how many pairs of shoes she had, Sharon wasn't sure and Ozzy wondered if, perhaps, she had turned into a millipede because she has so many. Sharon said she would leave Ozzy if Howard wanted to move in with him and she blamed Howard's recent oral surgery as the real reason they were having this discussion at all. Howard asked how often the couple had sex these days and Sharon quickly answered, 5 times a week! Howard asked Ozzy about how he sometimes seemed "out of it" on their MTV show and Ozzy said it's because the whole TV show thing had gotten kind of old to him. He's actually happy the TV show is finally over with. Ozzy asked Howard about his root canals -- having been through a similar (and very painful) surgery himself recently. Howard thought the procedure may have been painful, but the Vicodin helped, a lot. Ozzy thought that explained Howard's mood this morning and suggested that a large scotch would help with the withdrawal symptoms he was experiencing. Ozzy said he wished he could have taken Vicodin when he was recovering from oral surgery, but since he was trying to clean himself up, he couldn't.

Sharon's Alleged Bulimia

Robin asked Sharon about something she read recently which said that she suffered from Bulimia. Sharon said it was true, but it was largely the result of a gastric band surgery she had several years ago. Ozzy claims that Sharon can pretty much throw up on command, which Sharon confirmed, adding she doesn't even need to stick a finger down her throat. Howard said he had seen a Website recently that said throwing up might actually be good for you. He wanted to know if Ozzy was aware of Sharon's constant vomiting, but he said he tried not to be. Howard and Robin then tried to get Sharon to throw up in the studio. Sharon refused, categorically, despite the fact that the whole crew started to make gagging noises. Howard thought it would be funny if she opened for Ozzy's concerts by vomiting on the stage. Howard said Sharon should be the spokesperson for, "throwing up to lose weight," since it's obviously working for her because she looks great.

Every time she tried to change the subject, Howard kept steering the discussion back to vomiting and Fred's vomiting sound effects didn't help. Even Ozzy got into the act, making gag noises himself. Eventually the conversation turned to Ozzy's new box set, "Prince of Darkness", on which Ozzy plays "Mississippi Queen" with Leslie West, (one of Howard's favorite musicians). He also covers John Lennon's "In My Life" and "Working Class Hero", David Bowie's "All The Young Dudes", plus all of Ozzy's greatest hits. Ozzy mentioned, between his vomiting noises, that his son Jack has been scoring a lot with women lately. He says Jack often brings girls home with him and Ozzy will sometimes hear the bed creaking. He sounded every bit the proud father. Howard closed the segment talking about the recent report that $3 million worth of jewelry was stolen from the Osbourne house. Ozzy said it was true and that Jack also had some jewelry stolen during a recent flight to London. Howard said his earlier comments about them getting divorced was just a test and he was very happy the two of them passed with flying colors -- reaffirming the fact that they are the real deal.