Paying His Respects In Private

 Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Howard started the show announcing that he had recently received an invitation to speak at Grandpa Al Lewis' funeral this weekend. Howard noted that, although he was honored by the invite, he didn't think he'd accept the offer because he's not a good public speaker. Howard added that he can do a five-hour radio show "in the blink of an eye," but he loses his confidence whenever he's directly in front of an audience. Howard did suggest, though, that since Artie was so good at giving public speeches, he'd consider getting up at the podium and moving his mouth while Artie actually did the talking for him. In addition to not wanting to speak publicly, Howard went on to admit that he wouldn't be able to give Grandpa Al a decent eulogy because he didn't really know much about him. Howard explained that he couldn't remember the first time he met Grandpa Al and he never hung out with him socially. Given this, Howard thought that the biggest mistake most eulogists make is to talk about themselves during their speeches and not about the deceased.

Howard went on to say that the only thing he'd be able to discuss about Grandpa Al was the time everyone thought Grandpa Al relieved himself in his pants and the time Grandpa Al repeatedly screamed the f-word at Howard's first rally against the FCC. Fred pointed out that the reason Howard may have been asked to speak at the funeral wasn't simply because he was a celebrity, but because all of Grandpa Al's closest friends may have already passed away. Gary then came into the studio and reported that Howard's invitation was made by Grandpa Al's family. Gary also told Howard that the people who requested he give the speech wanted him to talk about his memories of Grandpa Al, so he shouldn't feel self-conscious about making the event about himself.