Howard started the show admitting that he had a problem, but that it was embarrassing to discuss. Howard explained that he got out of a meeting last night and, once he got home, decided to just get into bed and relax. Howard added that after he watched "Skating with Celebrities" and the first part of "The Bachelor," he decided to take an Ambien and eat some Shredded Wheat to help him fall asleep. However, before he dosed off and since Beth was in Pittsburgh, Howard "cleaned his pipes." Howard reported that, as usual in these situations, he finished himself off into one tissue, which he then wrapped in two additional tissues. Howard then said that he's usually very careful about flushing his used tissues down the toilet, so that his cleaning lady never has to deal with them. Howard commented, though, that he woke up in such a tired state this morning due to the Ambien that when he got to SIRIUS this morning he suddenly realized that he couldn't remember if he flushed the tissues last night. Although Robin assured Howard that his cleaning lady would probably assume he merely blew his nose in the tissues and would therefore handle them with care without knowing their true contents, Howard responded that he was still "a nervous wreck" over the situation. When Howard mentioned that his cleaning woman is American, Artie told him that, since his cleaning woman is Mexican, he doesn't care what he leaves behind, a sentiment that he acknowledged is racist.
Because of his predicament, Howard decided that he wanted someone to go to his apartment to see if he had, in fact, forgotten to flush his tissues. As soon as Howard made the announcement, Sal the Stockbroker hurried into the studio to say that he'd be willing to make the trek to Howard's apartment. However, since Fred pointed out that Sal would probably try to impregnate his wife with Howard's DNA if he did find the tissues, he recommended JD be assigned the task. JD then came into the studio and said he'd do it, but that leaving the building would cut into the time he has to work on the Ronnie documentary he's putting together for The Howard Stern Film Festival. Howard replied that he didn't want to interrupt JD's work, so he asked Jason if he'd go to his apartment instead. Gary suggested, though, that he was the best man for the job, noting that he's familiar with Howard's apartment and would therefore know where to look. Artie added that another reason Gary should go was as he wouldn't be taken aback by the beauty of Howard's apartment since he had been there before. When Howard insisted that his apartment wasn't as nice as some other people's homes, Artie assured him that his apartment is the nicest Manhattan spread he's ever seen.
Howard gave his key to Gary and advised him to call his assistant, Laura, to make sure there wouldn't be a problem with the doorman to his apartment building. Before he left, Gary asked if Howard wanted the people from Howard TV to accompany him, but he responded that it might be too big of a hassle getting them into the building, so he said no. Since he was on the subject of masturbation, Howard then reported that Beth's father informed her that he had spoken on the air yesterday about the fact that he masturbated over the weekend while thinking of two of his former girlfriends. Howard added that he's tried from the start to present himself as "an upstanding man" to Beth's parents, but sometimes it doesn't work. To illustrate his point, Howard explained that Beth's dad wasn't too thrilled when, on the air, he talked about how he wanted to put his tongue in Beth's most private of areas. This led Howard to mention that when he first was introduced to Beth, she immediately called her mom to report that she had met "the most wonderful man," who also happened to be famous. Howard went on to say that after Beth's mom incorrectly guessed that her new boyfriend was George Clooney, she refused to talk to her daughter for two weeks when she found out who she was actually seeing. However, Howard added that he's confident Beth's mom has warmed up to him over the years and that she even wants them to get married. Artie then told Howard that Dana will still be appearing on tonight's 7 o'clock premiere of "The Better Half" and that she'll even be bringing a tape of a voicemail he once left her that he described simply as "funny, corny and romantic."
Gary called in from Howard's apartment and commented that he was standing by Howard's nightstand, but that there were no tissues on it. Gary then checked the floor, stripped the bed, shook out the sheets and looked inside the toilet, but the tissues were nowhere to be found. Howard replied that he must've flushed the tissues without even realizing it before noting, "Mission accomplished." Artie then mentioned that he had "a plunger incident" last night, but that, because of the cold, he knew his cleaning woman wouldn't go onto his terrace, where he hid the plunger. Artie went on to note that he buys a new plunger every month because he goes through them so quickly. Artie explained that whenever he uses a plunger, he then puts it under boiling water in his shower, before then cleaning his shower with more boiling water. Although he's admitted to being "germophobic," Howard responded that whenever he uses his plunger, he just puts it back by his toilet without cleaning it.