Beetlejuice: Spelling and the Jews

Beetlejuice came into the studio and reported that he wasn't drunk, even though he said he'd been drinking vodka since 10 o'clock last night. Howard went on to ask Beet about his feelings about Reverend Bob, to which he responded, "He's a Bob Hope Jew." When Howard asked Beetle what he meant with his remark, he explained that Bob "looks like f'ing Bob Hope." Beet told Howard that he hates Jewish people, and that he discovered his hatred through "Hipler." Beetle added that he doesn't let Jewish people take his money because he outsmarts them, noting that he graduated from high school, and has been thinking about attending college.

Howard asked Beetle to rank the races, and he replied, "It's all together, but it's a little different." Beet then pointed out that he likes black people, even though he admitted "it's a little different." When Howard wondered how Beetle can pick out who's Jewish, he said he can do it by looking at people's faces. To illustrate his point, Beetle noted that Josh, the Entertainment Weekly reporter who has been sitting in on the show for a piece he's writing about Howard, is Jewish, which Josh said is true. However, Beet went on to say that Artie's "a dirty Jew," Fred's "a kike Jew," and Howard's Italian. Beetle added that Robin isn't Jewish seeing as she's "a black lady."

To see who was a worse speller, Howard announced that he was holding an impromptu spelling bee between Beetle and Bob. The first word Howard gave to Bob was "scissors," which he spelled "s-i-s-s-o-r-s." Since Bob's attempt was incorrect, Beet tried to spell the word, but all he could muster was "s-a-i-c-c-d." When the next word, "definitely" was given, Bob spelled it "d-e-f-i-a-n-t-l-y," while Beet went with "d-e-f-i-n-d-n-t-a-l-y." For the next word, "potato," Howard asked Beetle to go first. After Beetle responded "p-o-t-n-a-t-o," Bob admitted that he'd be able to spell the word correctly only because Beet let him know that the second letter is an "o" and not an "a." Bob then spelled the word "rhyme" correctly, which led Howard to point out that he was showing off after his victory.

A caller asked Beetlejuice why he hadn't cussed during either of his appearances on SIRIUS, and he responded it was because he didn't feel like it. However, when the caller claimed that he "f'ed" Beet's sister, Beet told him that he "f'ed" the caller's wife because "she looked like Batman." Artie then informed Beet that he's Jewish, and Beet replied that Artie should "shove a guinea pig up his ass." Beet went on to call Artie a drunk "who fell off the stage" in Las Vegas, before commenting that he has "t*ts like a girl." As their exchange wound up, Beetle began referring to Artie as "Jackie the Jew," and told him that he has four chins.

A listener called in to ask Beetle how it feels to be an A-List celebrity. Beet noted that he "likes it," but it bothers him "a little." Howard went on to wonder about the ring-tone that's available through Beetle's website, to which he responded, "It's a little different." When Artie tried to apologize to Beet for getting into an argument with him, Beet told Artie that he smelled like "a spaghetti-o with sh*t on it," before referring to his mother's meatballs as "sh*tballs."

After finding out that Bob pronounces the word "shrimp" as "strimp," Gary announced that he also learned that years ago Bob worked briefly as a wrestler. Bob admitted that he used to wrestle under the name The Heartbreaker Bobby Slayer, and that he fought in three or four staged matches before calling it a career. Bob added that he originally agreed to get involved in wrestling because he thought Vince McMahon would help his career, which he noted didn't happen.