Howard said he was thinking about Artie's argument with Beetlejuice yesterday, as well as the "Godfather" soliloquy he did at the end of the show, and that those segments reaffirmed for him just how funny he is. Howard added, though, that he wanted to express his gratitude to Artie for two other reasons. Howard reported that not only did Artie agree on Monday to take Joey, the former Drakes Cakes delivery guy who brought him a free case of Devil Dogs, to a Yankees game, but that he also treated yesterday's Make-a-Wish guest, Patrick, plus eight other people, to lunch. Howard pointed out that he wished he could open his heart the way Artie does and that such gestures prove just how unpretentious he is.
Artie commented that he had a great time at lunch, adding that Pat and his cousin seemed to take delight in watching him eat. Artie mentioned that he had a "very thick" veal chop, a house salad with bacon, butter rolls, shrimp cocktail, sautéed mushrooms, as well as a piece of chocolate cake at lunch. After Artie reported that the lunch cost him $500, Howard wondered why Scott the Engineer, who was also there, didn't help him pay the bill. Scott came into the studio and insisted that he offered Artie some money for the meal, but that he wouldn't take it. Howard then pointed out that Artie's "a friend to everyone," but that he never wanted to discuss his generosity again.
Howard acknowledged that he was upset yesterday with The Howard 100 News, because, while the reporters were preparing for a story about his tattoos, they missed the opportunity to cover Artie's lunch with Patrick. Howard added that when he informed The News' Penny Crone of this fact, she began crying.
Gary announced that he had a clip of Penny crying from yesterday, which Howard played. After it was done, Gary mentioned that Penny breaks down quite a bit, noting that she recently began weeping when someone pointed at her. Artie then said that he saw a picture of Penny when she was young, and that she looked good to him. Robin added that she and Howard just saw what they were told was a photograph of Blue Iris when she was in her 20s, and that she didn't look half-bad in it either. Howard turned back to the clip and explained that he wasn't mad at Penny or any other member of The News. However, Howard said that what makes the department so good is that it's mobile, so its reporters should've postponed the piece about his tattoos and covered the breaking news of Artie's lunch.
When Howard again commented that Scott the Engineer should've helped Artie foot the bill for lunch yesterday, Scott came into the studio to ask why he was being criticized. As Scott was discussing why he hadn't helped Artie pay for lunch, Howard pointed out that Scott should become an "unmotivational speaker," which Artie explained was a job where Scott could "transform" people who have too much confidence. Scott responded that he developed his personality at a young age, adding that, when he was a child, his mother used to tell him that the family had "a black cloud" hanging over it and that there was nothing he could do about it. Scott said that, at first, he didn't believe his mother because his life was going well after college, but that he soon discovered she might've been on to something when he proceeded to lose his job, get divorced and lose his house. However, Scott added that his current wife has helped him change his luck.