Howard pointed out that he hates it when Artie shaves like he obviously did over the weekend, because he gets the mental image of him doing it with a knife. When Fred asked Artie if he plucked his eyebrows as well, he admitted that he shaved in between his eyebrows, adding that, if he didn't, he'd have a "unibrow." Artie then commented that he had "a regular Artie weekend," noting that he drank, gambled and attended an Allman Brothers concert at the Beacon Theatre. Artie went on to say that a number of people approached him at the Allman Brothers show and that they all talked about how much they love SIRIUS. Artie went on to say that his seats were on the side of the stage and that he played "air guitar" throughout the band's performance.
After Artie said that the Allman Brothers didn't play some of his favorite songs during the concert, Howard reported that, before he saw Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden last month, he requested that Billy perform "The Downeaster Alexa," which he did. Howard then recalled that, years before, he was socializing with Billy privately and that there was a piano in the room where they were. However, Howard said that all Billy played that night were some classical pieces he had written and that, given the atmosphere, he didn't want to make any requests at that time.
Artie reported that the Allman Brothers had a bottle of Jack Daniels waiting for him at the show, so he had "a nice buzz" going throughout their performance. Artie then said that, after the concert, he went back to Hoboken where he drank until 4 a.m.
After Howard pointed out that Dana's request that Artie start seeing a therapist seemed to be going well, Artie acknowledged that he hasn't visited one yet. In fact, Artie added that he didn't see Dana this weekend either, but insisted it didn't mean they're not together anymore.
Howard agreed with Artie, and pointed out that it would be difficult for Dana to find another "fat, alcoholic Allman Brothers fan who gambles."
Because he hasn't seen Dana in a couple of weeks, Artie acknowledged that he pleasured himself yesterday. This led Artie to recall an instance on "Mad TV" when he masturbated to Christina Applegate, who was hosting the show, while she stood right outside his dressing room. Artie then mentioned that while he was filming the movie "The Bachelor," he was convinced that one of his costars, Renee Zellweger, was interested in him.
However, Artie also noted that, when he told the film's lead, Chris O'Donnell, of his feeling, Chris gave him a look that suggested it wasn't correct. This led Howard to recall that he was constantly aroused on the set of "Private Parts," explaining that, between the film's bathtub scene and the intimate onscreen moments he had with Mary McCormack, he had a hard time controlling himself. Howard went on to say that he enjoyed making out with Mary and feeling her breasts for scenes in "Private Parts" and was depressed when he found out he had to stop those practices once filming for the movie ended.