Howard began the show mentioning that he's trying to get back in shape and that he went for a run last night as part of his regimen. However, Howard noted that he didn't feel well this morning because of his run, which led him to say that he's starting to feel like exercising isn't for him anymore. Artie noted that he played basketball yesterday – only to take himself out half-way through the game because of his physical condition.
Howard commented that it was going to be a difficult show for him, because he was being forced to look right at Evil Dave Letterman, who was sitting in for the broadcast.
Robin then complained that she was being kicked out of her studio so Daniel Carver would be allowed sit in it for his protection during his roast. Following her comment, Gary got on his intercom and told Robin that if it would "shut her up," she could stay in her studio during the roast. Gary then reported that he gave Robin 24-hour notice about the move and apologized that it wasn't enough time for her to make arrangements to "move her purse and newspapers."
To ease the tension, Evil Dave noted that he heard someone recently called Robin a "c*nt face," which he found odd because that's what he calls his mother. When Gary went on to tell Robin that she had to make a decision about where she wanted to sit for the roast, she yelled at him to shut up. Evil Dave then said that he finds Alexis Smith "a little c*nty," before realizing that he made a mistake, and changed the name to Alexis Stewart. Howard replied that Evil Dave was doing well this morning, but that whenever he gets on this type of roll, he tends to take it too far, as was evidenced by his last remark. As Gary and Robin continued to argue, Howard pointed out that he was watching Gary on his monitor and Sal was dressed in a monkey suit, holding a sign that said "Moron" while he bothered Gary.
Howard brought up that the substance that came out of Annie yesterday during her demonstration of the "Lick a Chick" and hit Gary in the eye looked like urine to him, but that others have said it was a vaginal secretion. Gary responded that what the substance was can be argued either way, but Howard noted the matter could be settled by a gynecologist. Benjy added that all experts agree that the fluid, whether it's urine or not, comes out of the "Aretha," which Robin noted is actually called "the urethra." Benjy went on to say that HIV is extremely difficult to get, although Gary may have contracted other sexually transmitted diseases through his eye. Despite Benjy's diagnosis, Artie pointed out that he thinks there's only one way to get HIV: "f'ing a guy in the ass."