Screech's Problems at Home

Dustin Diamond, better known as Screech from "Saved by the Bell," came into the studio to talk about a problem he's been having with his finances. Dustin reported he made about $2 million during his 10-year run on "Saved by the Bell," but, before he turned 18, his parents allegedly took all but the 25 percent of his earnings, which he said ruined his credit. Dustin told how he moved into a house in Milwaukee four years ago and is now in danger of losing it. Dustin went on to explain that he couldn't get a regular loan because of his poor credit, so, when he was looking for one, he had to rely on a land contract offered to him by someone who promised to help him. However, Dustin added the man in question now wants the house and, unless he can come up with $250,000 to pay for it, he'll lose it to the guy who has called in his loan.

Dustin recalled how he met Jennifer while they were both in line at Arby's and he heard her laughing at the jokes he was telling the woman taking his order. As Dustin proceeded to describe how he introduced himself to Jennifer, Robin asked George, who mentioned yesterday that he owns a bank, if he'd be willing to lend Dustin a hand in getting back his house. George responded by first calling Robin "a rascal" and then commenting that there are three elements his bank scrutinizes when it comes to giving loans.

However, after George mentioned the first two examples – which were "character" and "assets" – Howard joked the third element was "a big c*ck." This led Dustin to reveal that that was the one requirement he'd be able to meet, announcing his penis is more than 10 inches long. Dustin claimed that, contrary to popular belief, having a penis as big as his is "a curse" because of how painful it can be for his sex partners, as well as how inconvenient it is in his everyday life. Sal and Richard then came into the studio and offered Dustin $500 to perform various stunts – including receiving a naked lap dance from Richard, eating a Devil Dog out of Sal's backside and accepting a teabag – but he wouldn't agree to any of them.