Nick began his set by thanking Howard for the chance to participate in the roast, saying he always "jumps at the chance" anytime he can "work for a billionaire for nothing." After saying the only thing smaller than Howard's penis was the size of his satellite audience, Nick reported that Robin's favorite part of her new boat was the stern since "she doesn't have to pretend that one is funny."
Nick went on to note most people recognize Colin Quinn from remote control, adding, "Not the show, but the thing they grab when they see his face on television." Following a joke about how Sal was referred to as ET whenever he goes to Scores because he's always "phoning home," Nick turned his attention to Artie, whose liver, he said, "would be Benjy if it was a person."
Nick then commented Artie's idea of surf-n-turf is "eating a Ballpark frank out of a hooker's p*ssy," before reporting Artie was once fired from a television show because of his drug use and that the only lines he could remember when he was on the program "were the ones in his dressing room."