Howard laughed that while Artie was sleeping, his ass crack was showing, and his weight was pushing his chair out from under him. Artie then woke up and started mumbling that his back was sore. Dominic Barbara called in to say that Artie's extreme sugar crash was symptomatic of hypoglycemia, a precursor to diabetes. Jon Hein came in to test Artie's blood sugar level and reported that Artie was at 209. A normal reading is 120-150, depending on when you last ate. Jon said he'd be at 400 if he ate Artie's "breakfast" and noted that Artie's reading (which, by the end of the show, rose to 238) meant that he probably has Type 2 diabetes.
Artie suggested that he smoke freebase cocaine for two months to lose weight - but not so much that his heart explodes - but his problem would be trying to stop. Howard suggested that Artie take himself off Subutex, exercise, and only eat 3 "normal" meals a day. Artie then claimed he had a problem giving up anything but admitted that he could give up a lot for pussy, so the crew joked that instead of fast-food, there needs to be fast-pussy chain – like McPussy's, Pussy Bell or Pussy King.