Howard welcomed Ed, the schizophrenic caller from last week who uses an "ass napkin" (a napkin he tucks between his ass cheeks to keep it clean after wiping), to the studio and asked him why he'd gotten so drunk. Ed explained that he was nervous, so he drank a box of wine, adding that he drinks all the time. Howard asked Ed if he could see his "ass napkin," but Ed refused, saying "there's shit on it." Howard then explained to Ed how to properly clean his ass.
Howard accused Ed of using an "ass-pon," but Ed claimed it wasn't. To prove his point, Ed finally showed Howard the napkin, but Howard seemed more grossed out by the zits on Ed's ass. Artie offered Ed a gig as his opener at Avery Fisher Hall, and Robin loved the idea, saying Ed reminded her of a young Emo Phillips. Howard asked Ed if the ass rag ever fell out, and Ed confessed that it had happened once; "It was really embarrassing."