Howard began this morning welcoming back this week's announcer, George Takei, who immediately acknowledged his association with the show helped him land his role as Kaito Nakamura on NBC's "Heroes."
George added he was enjoying his work on "Heroes," and referred to Howard as "the fertilizer that made my career blossom."
Despite George's good mood, Howard told him that his "muffin," Artie, wasn't in the studio this morning.
Gary then came in and reported that, as he was driving into work today, he got a call from Artie, who he noted said he had the same "cold" from weeks ago, and that he added at the end of their conversation, "I'm done, man; I'm just done."
As Fred played the Velvet Underground's "Heroin" in the background, Howard pointed out he knew some listeners would assume Artie's absence meant he was back on drugs, but that he didn't think that was the case. Before he addressed that, though, Howard mentioned he couldn't imagine how Artie would answer questions someday if his hypothetical children ever asked him if he'd tried heroin, adding he had difficulties talking about his own marijuana-smoking days to his daughters.
Love On the Low Down
This led George to say he thought it was interesting listening to Howard talk about his children, and noted he acted as a father vicariously through his nephews and nieces.
George went on to say he and his life partner, Brad, weren't very affectionate in public, explaining that this was primarily because Brad didn't like showcasing their love to strangers. Howard then changed the subject, pointing out that, as he listened to a replay from Thursday's broadcast, he thought he heard Robin refer to one of that morning's guests, Martine Rothblatt, the man who discovered satellite and went on to undergo a sex-change operation, as Siobhan.
However, Robin responded by explaining she simply wanted to ask Martine a question on Siobhan's behalf at one point, so she said, "I have a question for Siobhan," which was why Howard thought she was referring to Martine as Siobhan.
Think Good Thoughts
Howard turned the discussion back to Artie, commenting he felt Artie's condition was caused by his weight and the fact that he tours nonstop and doesn't sleep as a result.
George proceeded to say he agreed with Howard, explaining, "When you're that heavy, you're vulnerable to illnesses."
Gary added he believed Artie was unhealthier since the show started broadcasting four days a week instead of five, while Robin noted she thought Artie was also tired because of all the "tail" he was chasing.
Only One Way to Forget
Howard reported Beth was in Las Vegas over the weekend, so he spent his day yesterday playing "18 games of chess."
Howard went on to say that, because he was so upset by his final loss, he decided to take an Ambien so he could sleep. Howard added, though, that he wanted to pleasure himself as well since Beth wasn't there, and ended up perfectly timing his porn-watching session, pleasuring and "clean up" with the Ambien kicking in.
Upon hearing the story, George recommended Howard do "lots of sit ups and pushups" and take "a hot shower" rather than take Ambien, which he acknowledged wasn't very good for him.