Gary's Saturday Night Dinner Left the Band Out in the Cold


Howard reported he thought Adam Carolla's movie, "The Hammer," whose premiere was this past Thursday, was "surprisingly good," and Robin agreed.

Howard then noted Artie wasn't able to attend the premiere because he had an early call Friday morning for the scene he was shooting for "Rescue Me." This led Artie to say he had to film "a full-blown sex scene" for one of the episodes, although he also pointed out it was done for "comedic effect."

Artie went on to say he only wore boxers in the scene, and that he had "a new respect" for porn stars, noting he couldn't get an erection during the scene because of all the lights and the fact that the entire crew was watching him. In addition, Artie also said he had an "ace bandage" wrapped around his crotch for the shoot specifically for the purpose of keeping him from getting aroused. Artie said his co-star in the scene, Susan Misner, was on top of him in the scene for about a minute, but that she moved her head when he tried to kiss her.

Howard then mentioned he thought Artie should've allowed himself to get an erection during the shoot and that he should've told Susan ahead of time that it was going to happen, adding that's what he did a few times when he was filming "Private Parts."

However, Artie responded he didn't think that announcement would've gone over well with Susan, and added he felt the scene will be "funny" when the episode airs.

Howard then noted that, in addition to the premiere of "The Hammer," he took Robin and Ralph out to dinner on Thursday as well. When Howard said he saw Michael J. Fox during their dinner, Artie responded by acknowledging he was "glad" Michael was still able to go out to eat. After Robin replied by saying Michael was allowed to leave his house despite his Parkinson's disease, Howard said Michael wasn't Stephen Hawking, who was in the news recently after being able to experience weightlessness in a special plane.

Not Gay for Even a Day

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Eric the Midget called in to ask Artie who he thought would be fired first: Mariano Rivera, the closer for the New York Yankees; Joe Torre, the manager of the team; or Artie for his acting. Following Artie telling Eric he was sure he'd want Rivera on his favorite team, the Oakland A's, if he was available, Howard asked if Eric had received the porn movies Richard had sent him, which he did. Eric then insisted that he threw away the gay movie Richard had included in the collection, and admitted his favorite selection was "Gigantic Titties 2," even though he claimed he didn't pleasure himself to it.

Howard then asked Eric if he was afraid of someone spotting the gay porn in his trash and thus thinking he was a homosexual, but Eric explained his roommate actually disposed of it the night it arrived in a trash area that was away from their apartment. However, when Eric also reported the DVD was thrown away in the same shipping box in which it arrived, Howard thought that, when the garbage men spotted it they'd associate Eric's name, which was on the box, with gay porn.

Eric again commented that he watched all of "Gigantic Titties 2," but didn't masturbate to it, even though he admitted to being aroused by it. Eric then said his roommate had just told him he threw away the shipping label from the box that carried the porn in a separate receptacle from the gay porn itself, even though

Howard doubted Eric's roommate actually went to that much trouble and was instead covering up what he really did with it.

Artie then turned the subject back to Eric's refusal to masturbate during the movie he watched, and he responded that, instead of taking care of himself during the movie, he "let his boner go away," and waited until he got into bed that night to pleasure himself in the way he explained he customarily did it – which involved rubbing against his bed while wearing underwear – to scenes he remembered from the film.

After Eric said he'd think about using replicas of porn stars' vaginas to masturbate in the future, Richard came into the studio to offer to send Eric such a product, "Dream Date Pool Float," but Eric replied he wasn't sure if he wanted it. Howard then told Eric, though, that he'd have Richard send him the toy and he could use it if he wanted.

Just Blink and He's Gone

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Howard mentioned he didn't watch last night's episode of "The Sopranos," but t had heard that High Pitch Eric was in it. Richard responded by saying Eric's face flashed by for just a second, and Robin and Artie, both of whom saw the episode, acknowledged they didn't spot him. Gary then came into the studio to say that, in order to see Eric, he had to freeze-frame the scene in question, and that, even when he did that, he was still able to see only "nine-tenths of Eric's head."

Saturday Night's Alright for Dining

March 07, 2005March 07, 2005Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Howard said he had a good time at Gary's dinner party on Saturday, and that he thought Gary's new house was "beautiful." Howard went on to give details about some of the rooms in the house, but added he felt Gary's obsession with old-time radio microphones was getting out of hand because of how many of them he had on display.

After Robin commented she didn't attend the party because she thought she was "coming down with something," Howard said he liked the food that was served, and that a mini-orchestra was also there playing music. However, Howard also reported the musicians were setup outside Gary's house, and that, because it was so cold, he shut the doors and the windows, so they were playing even though no one could hear the music.

Howard went on to say KROCK's general manager, Tom Chiusano, was at the party, and that he had gotten braces since he last saw him.

This led Howard to point out he felt Tom looked like he was "in pain" because of his braces, and Gary also commented he never thought Tom's teeth looked like they needed to be straightened.

Howard also reported Artie ended up not bringing the woman he had talked about inviting, and Artie said he made the choice mostly because he didn't want to bring a new woman to such an intimate affair.

Dinner Etiquette

After a break, Robin said she'd heard Howard and Beth left Gary's party early while everyone else was still eating, which he admitted was true.

Howard then mentioned Artie was close to an hour late for the get together because he got lost, which set the night back, and wondered why Gary didn't have the dinner served as soon as Artie arrived, but he explained he couldn't do that because the chef needed time to prepare it. Howard went on to say he drank during the cocktail hour and was therefore buzzed by the time the dinner started, adding that he was tired because he'd gone running and spent time with his daughter earlier in the day. When Robin said she felt Howard was wrong in leaving early, he pointed out that he at least showed up, which only caused her to laugh.

Gary noted that, when Howard and Beth left, all the other guests were quiet because they didn't know what he was thinking, and Artie admitted he felt what Howard did was "wrong." This led Gary to say he felt Howard could've stayed at least until everyone had finished dinner, but Howard insisted he was too tired, adding that he even took some of the dessert Gary's wife, Mary, made for the party home with him, and acknowledged he thought it was "excellent."

As the conversation continued, Howard wondered why Ronnie the Limo Driver was invited to the party over some of the other people from the show, and Gary responded it was because they "hung out" sometimes. Robin then pointed out again that she didn't think Howard's excuse of being tired was good enough for his departure, and he said he'd change his reason for leaving to having "a tickle in his throat" so she could better relate to it.

Gary proceeded to report the person who prepared the food at the party was "a master chef" and that was why the food was presented in four courses, but Howard said he wanted to know what credentials the chef had to earn such a title. Artie then commented that Howard leaving early caused "a ripple effect" because Mary had to prepare his dessert and Ronnie had to arrange for his driver to take him home, but Howard insisted he had to leave, and added that he had "a great time" and thanked Gary for the evening

Moving Towards Enlightenment at His Own Pace

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Howard reported that Tim Sabean had started meditating with Deepak Chopra, an Indian writer and doctor who also hosts a show on SIRIUS. Tim then said he ran into Deepak one Saturday afternoon at SIRIUS, and that they got to talking about meditation, which was how their relationship began. However, Tim also acknowledged he wasn't keeping up with the meditation schedule Deepak had mapped out for him, even though he insisted he meditated whenever he could.

A Woman's Point of View

While Lisa G. was in the studio talking about the Howard 100 News, she revealed that Robin was working on a new show for SIRIUS. Robin responded by saying the news was accurate, and that her show would focus on "women's issues." Robin also noted her program would be on following Howard's show, but that she wasn't sure on what channel it would be airing.