With Eric the Midget on the phone, Howard told him how disappointed he was with him, explaining that he had gotten an email from Jimmy Kimmel saying that, after they had paid about $4,000 to fly Eric and his roommate to LA for the "American Idol" finale – only for Eric to back out at the last minute, blaming his roommate's job.
This prompted Robin to call Eric the most ungrateful "asshole" in the history of the show. Ralph called in to say he would take Eric to LA, but Howard reminded him that he'd have to wipe Eric's behind should he go to the bathroom during the two days they'd be together. Despite the fact that Eric replied, "Big nose jackass, I wipe my own ass." Ralph withdrew his offer based on the threat of performing such a task.
Someone else then suggested Eric wear a diaper for the two days instead and Artie noted that he's always wanted to wear a diaper to a Giants game so he'd never have to leave his seat to use the bathroom.
Bobo then called in to suggest that someone be sent to Eric's house to cut his phone wires to prevent him from ever calling in again, while Robin asked if was possible to revoke someone's Sirius subscription. Despite caller after caller expressing their disappointment with Eric,
Howard declared that he just couldn't hate him. Gary then piped in that they had a bit scheduled with the porn star Eric claimed was his "go to girl" when he wanted to pleasure himself: Brandy Talore. Gary said Brandy had offered to do a "scene" with Eric for $10,000 and Howard added that they were going to try to raise the money to help Eric out but now wondered if they should be doing something like that for him
Like Pulling Teeth
Howard then got Brandy on the phone with Eric, but not before chastising Gary for correcting him when he pronounced her last name as "Taylor." Brandy explained that, even though she spelled her name Talore, she did pronounce it as "Taylor." Brandy further explained that she has ALL NATURAL 36FFF breasts.
Eric said he found her Website about a year ago and thought she looked really cute, which is why he spends $25 a month on her site. Eric went on to reveal that he really likes her "solo work" so Howard suggested they try some phone sex this morning. Eric started off saying he'd like to play with her breasts and Brandy asked if he had ever "titty f'ed" a girl, which he hadn't.
However, Brandy decided that he might get swallowed by her triple-F breasts. As Eric continued with his nearly silent phone sex, Howard interrupted him – prompting Artie to thank him for waking him up. Howard noted that the only one to ever F Eric was god – with Robin adding that even he only did it once.
Lessons In Phone Sex
Brandy tried her hardest to get things going, but Eric continued with his lackluster performance. At one point Brandy asked how big Eric was and he replied 5 inches – causing Howard to point out that Eric should at least tell her he's "a fat 8 inches," with Robin adding that he should tell her he's 6 feet tall as well. Johnny Fratto called in to offer Eric his advice, telling him to say, "Suck my c' or I'll blow your head off!" Eric then claimed he was having trouble performing in public and if it was just him and Brandy on the phone things would be different. Howard then offered to set Eric up on a "date" with Brandy, noting that nothing was guaranteed on this date. Brandy and Eric then started discussing "American Idol" and the conversation really started to get going, with Howard pointing out that it was the best phone sex of the morning.