Howard and Robin thought JD should be more depressed about his life than Artie, so JD came in to say he was fine. Howard asked JD if he masturbated to keep himself happy, and JD confessed that he jerks off about once a day. Gary came in to say that JD became insanely jealous when a dancer at Jon Hein's daughter's Bat Mitzvah ignored him in favor of Jared, Tim Sabean's assistant.
Howard asked JD why he refused to talk to Jared, so JD explained that they had "opposing personalities." Howard wanted to know more, but JD demurred, saying Jared hadn't been arrogant around him in a long time. JD admitted he hadn't spoken to Jared in a couple months - but not because Jared's good looking, since he's still friends with Will, who he thought was just as good looking. Howard then told JD to get his directing career on track, as it would improve his love life.