Ralph's On the Prowl for a New Celebrity Pal

Artie started off the show telling a story: "One time when I was in Vegas doing stand-up, a guy gave me two hits of ecstasy to keep me up - because I'd stopped doing coke - and then I took a third one and it hit me...I was melting...I had eight hours to sleep it off, thank God."

Artie said Ralph had had similar problems with ecstasy a couple times, but Howard doubted the validity of Ralph's I-was-drugged stories: "Why is he always the one who gets slipped something? Why can't he ever be slipped something that makes him a good guest?"

Howard laughed that since he's now married and Sam Simon's got a serious girlfriend, Ralph has few celebrity friends left to bother. Artie thought this might be a big problem for Ralph, as nothing was more important to him than leeching off his celebrity friends.

Howard said Ralph had actually picked up a new celeb pal to make up the difference: "Natalie Maines has kind of taken him in. She had him up to her apartment for dinner."

Ralph called in to defend himself ("You're very different these days."), but Howard quickly went on the attack: "Sorry. I don't want a guy vomiting in my home."