Howard announced the beginning of the "Ugliest Guy, Hottest Wife" contest and welcomed the first contestant couple, Aaron and Marie. Howard told Marie her body was "exceptional" and Aaron that he was a fat "mess." Aaron explained that Marie was the hottest (and only) girl he'd ever had, and Marie laughed that Aaron was actually 75lbs lighter than when they met. Marie added that her legs used to chafe when they had sex because she would have to spread them so wide - and when she first saw his penis, she said, "Is that it?"
Next up was Vince and Veronica. Veronica noted that she "worked for a year to get [Vince's] attention. I brought him Vicodin, Oxycontin, meatloaf..." Vince said Veronica was the hottest piece of ass he's ever had, and Veronica claimed she was never disgusted by Vince: "It's [his] confidence." Howard and Artie didn't think Vince and Veronica had much of a chance at the title, as Vince really wasn't that bad looking. Benjy agreed: "He's like a chubby Swayze."
The final couple was Pete and Jenny. Howard was blown away: "Pete, you're a mess. And your wife Jenny is so cute." Pete said he'd had "four hot chicks when I was younger" but still got Jenny pregnant as fast as he could. Jenny, who said she does Webcam masturbation shows, admitted that she was attracted to Pete because he was "the bad boy type" and noted that her first pregnancy violated statutory rape laws – so she'd covered for Pete by lying about his age.
Every member of the crew voted for Aaron and Marie, so Howard awarded them the $5,000 grand prize.