Artie Lange's Air Conditioner-Induced Sick Day

The former 'Lord of the Anal Ring Toss' champion has another sick day

Howard started off the show noting that Artie wouldn't be in today.

Gary came in to say that Artie called him at 5:15 and claimed to be having voice troubles due to his window-mounted AC unit (King of All Blacks would later call in to question why a man of Artie's obvious wealth didn't have central air).

Howard countered that Artie's health might be suffering for another reason, citing an email from a doctor who described the dangerous and debilitating consequences of long-term Subutex use.

Howard then read an excerpt from the email, which detailed why Subutex should only be used in extreme cases of opiate addiction, and even then just for a short period. A lot of the symptoms described in the email (sluggishness, exhaustion, excessive sweating, etc.) perfectly matched Artie's behavior.

Howard said he might've made a mistake yesterday by giving Artie a copy of the email, as it probably freaked him out. Gary agreed, saying it might've hit Artie hard enough to think he needed a break/rest. Howard countered that Artie was most likely just upset over losing his Lord of the Anal Rings title, the first assessment to get Fred's seal of approval.