The absent Artie called in to defend himself late in the show: "First of all, I went through eight days of the biggest hell of my life...I'm calling it rehab because it's a place where people go to get off drugs."
Artie explained that he'd relapsed before the break and had been dishonest: "You wouldn't lie about that?" Howard questioned the legitimacy of Artie's rehab, so Artie admitted, "It's not a lockdown...I'm in a hotel right now. It's a nice hotel in Miami...I'm still doing treatments at the place...I commute back and forth."
Artie confessed that he'd endured three wheat grass colonics so far and had some blood work done: "I feel like a new person...I've been clean for two weeks, and when I come back to the show, I will totally submit [to a drug test]...I will submit to random drug tests. Just let me know when they're gonna be." Howard said a drug test won't be necessary: "You never even have to lie to me...I'll encourage you to get help anytime."