What Will Amy Do To Meet Howard?

Howard took a call from a girl named Amy who said she'd do anything to be on the show. Amy claimed she was a bisexual former heroin addict: "I had a bad childhood...I was molested and raped by my half-brother and my parents didn't believe me." Howard said he was going to have some fun and propose some fun stunts she could do to come on the show: "But now it's getting too sad."

Amy insisted he go on, so Howard presenting a series of ideas:

1. Ride the Sybian while her abusive half-brother mans the controls: "No."
2. Pack her panties full of ice cubes for three minutes: "I would definitely do it."
3. Like chocolate sauce off of Richard's taint: "Oh lord...yes."
4. Punch a holocaust survivor in the face: "Yeah. Why not?"
5. Dress up as Hitler and go sell pork in a Hasidic New York City neighborhood: "Sure."
6. Let Beetlejuice impregnate her: "Is that possible?"
7. Sing "cock-aoke" into Sal's penis/microphone: "Yeah."
8. Kiss Sal's hemorrhoid: "Sure."
9. Pee in a diaper: "Sure."
10. Vomit on Jeff "The Vomit Guy" Levy: "Sure."
11. Dunk her head in a toilet: "Yeah, yeah."
12. Sit alone in a room with Fred for an hour: "Absolutely! Hi, Fred!"
13. Smack herself in the head with a douchebag: "Yeah."
14. Have an hour-long conversation with Jon Hein about '70s television: "Sure. I'll have to take notes first."

Gary loved the possibilities: "We should just have her do all of them."