Sal Ruins a Birthday Party and His Own Sex Life

Sal's friend Ian called in to complain that Sal had ruined his wife's recent birthday party, explain "Guess What's In My Pouch," went off on an anti-Semitic rant, asked a Latino woman to score him drugs, insulted the guest of honor and drew jiz all over her birthday portrait.

Sal later crashed at Ian's house and hid bananas everywhere--even stuffing them down the toilets. Sal said he called Ian the next day to apologize for the one thing he remembered--insulting Ian's sister--and learned about everything else he'd done: "I hadn't really been drinking in 3 months...I blacked out."

Sal added that his wife was so upset by the evening, she won't have sex with him anymore--when he tried to bang her the next day, she held up her hand, telling him: "Go away. Don't analyze it, Mr. Shrink. Just take it for what it is."

Just Ask My Wife

Sal was proud of drunkenly defacing the birthday girl's portrait: "I drew an arrow to her crotch saying, 'Wish I was here.'" Fred was positive: "At least that's a compliment." Asked to demonstrate his jiz-tagging skills, Sal whipped out a marker and drew a splotch on a photo of a woman's face.

Howard and Artie thought the results were terrible. Sal shrugged: "All my loads are horrible. Ask my wife."