David Arquette Sets Things Straight

David Arquette called in to explain the rumors swirling around his separation from Courteney Cox--Howard regretted the conversation had to happen in the first place: "I'm sad for you. I'm sad for you and Courteney."

David said he was on the West coast ("I set my clock for 4:20, so there are still some cobwebs in my head.") at one of the homes he owns with Courteney: "I'm at my house. She's in our house. Not the same house."

David lashed out at the faulty media reports about his 'divorce' and the people who leaked the information: "This world is so f'ed up right now. Everybody's so full of shit I can't stand it. The whole world is full of shit. I mean, we need more honesty in this world." Before he answered each of the rumors, David leveled one last complaint: "Even this talk is going to lead to bullshit newspaper articles."

The Cox-Arquette Aftermath

Howard wondered how David was doing, as several people had reported that David seemed under the influence at Saturday's Celebrity SuperFan RoundTable, so David explained that he'd actually quit drinking "like a couple weeks ago...I get sober and people think I'm f'ed up." But he slipped up after news broke of his separation: "Last night I had a drink for the first time because I had a shitstorm hit me."

How Things Fell Apart

David then chronicled the dissolution of his marriage, speculating that it began when Courteney gave him a motorcycle on their 11th Anniversary and told him: "I don't want to be your mother anymore." David explained that he'd used it as an excuse to re-embrace his old self: "I do shit that makes her embarrassed sometimes. And when I met her 16 years ago that was charming, part of the aspect she fell in love with. [But] that stuff starts getting old." David said Courteney's 'mother'-ing behavior extended beyond their partnership: "She's got her issues. She tries to take on everybody's problems. She tries to be the mother to everyone." As a result, they separated ("We legally separated a while ago.") after a particularly passion-less period: "She [didn't] feel like bonding in that way. So that goes on for a few months and I start crawling up the walls."

No More Cox for Arquette

David then chronicled the dissolution of his marriage, speculating that it began when Courteney gave him a motorcycle on their 11th Anniversary and told him: "I don't want to be your mother anymore." David explained that he'd used it as an excuse to re-embrace his old self: "I do shit that makes her embarrassed sometimes. And when I met her 16 years ago that was charming, part of the aspect she fell in love with. [But] that stuff starts getting old." David said Courteney's 'mother'-ing behavior extended beyond their partnership: "She's got her issues. She tries to take on everybody's problems. She tries to be the mother to everyone." As a result, they separated ("We legally separated a while ago.") after a particularly passion-less period: "She [didn't] feel like bonding in that way. So that goes on for a few months and I start crawling up the walls."

Courteney Hit the Brakes

Late in the phone call, David revealed that it was Courteney who asked for the separation, citing his uncommunicative nature. Howard wondered if one of Courteney's 'Cougartown' co-stars had become--as rumored--her 'emotional friend,' so David shrugged: "She may have seen a guy who talked." Still, David had hope for their future together: "We're still in love with each other. We're still best friends...we're not divorcing. We're figuring our lives out."

Can They Put It Back Together

Howard asked what changes David would like to see if he and Courteney were to rekindle their relationship, so David laughed: "I'd say we have to have sex at night sometimes."

David explained that their sex life was always loving, but "It's scheduled to a certain degree. It's methodically to a certain degree."

David said he hoped it could happen: "We're still tight...it's f'ing rough, man. It breaks my heart." Before he hung up, David confessed that he only wanted things back the way they were ("I've been begging Courteney to get back with me.") but until then, he's going to take advantage of his situation: "I'm a single man. Robin, you're on the top of the f'ing list."

Howard later amended the conversation with a public message for Courteney: "Any guy you hook up with, you're going to have to mother him [too]. We're all babies."