Whitney Cummings Recaps the Tarantino Roast

Whitney Cummings stopped by to promote the DVD release of her Comedy Central special, 'Money Shot,' and told the crew she had a good time at last night's (un-televised) Tarantino roast: "There is something nice about not having to worry about network censors."

Whitney agreed with Howard about the abysmal sets from some of Quentin's actor friends: "I don't know where this perception that comedy's easy came from. It's hard even for comics."

Whitney also agreed that Rob Schneider was the night's best roaster: "Even the low bar aside, he was terrific."

Chelsea Lately Under Fire

Whitney told Howard she was filming a talk show pilot in January that would air 5 days a week right after 'Chelsea Lately.' The show will invert the talk show convention: "My version is a celebrity comes on the show and interviews me."

Howard noted that Chelsea got her gig by sleeping with E! network honcho Ted Harbert, so Robin turned to Whitney: "So did you bang her?"

Whitney came to Chelsea's defense, saying she'd earned her place: "Chelsea is the real deal, I think, at this point."

Her Best Roast Jokes

Howard asked Whitney to share her best roast jokes, so Whitney repeated a few:

To Richard Belzer, regarding his ever-present lapdog: "It must be a great watchdog, because if it can stare at you all day, it's not afraid of anything."

To the Friar's Club in general, regarding host Samuel L. Jackson: "There are so many old white conservatives here that, during the silent auction, someone tried to put a bid on Sam Jackson."

Sam Jackson again: "I'd be into having sex with Sam Jackson, but you know what they say, right? Once you go black, you get pregnant."

To Kathy Griffin: "You spend so much time talking about Ryan Seacrest. The only thing that's spent more time on Ryan Seacrest is semen."

To Rob Schneider: "Today's actually a big day for Rob. Today marks the furthest his mouth has ever been from Adam Sandler's asshole."

And Rob again: "Right now at Barnes & Noble they have a whole rack dedicated to Rob Schneider movies. It's called clearance."

To Quentin's pal, director Eli Roth: "Eli, great set today, I'm surprised you could talk at all with so much of Quentin Tarantino's cum in your mouth."

Eli again: "Eli, your movies are like Kathy Griffin's face. No matter how many times you cut it and re-cut it, it's still horrible."

To the guest of honor: "Quentin rips off so many filmmakers, when I Googled him to do research for this roast, Google said, 'Did you mean Brian de Palma?'"

Quentin again: "Your movies have more blood in them than John Travolta's asshole when he gets home from the 'gym.'"

The One She Couldn't Tell

Whitney also told a joke she couldn't bring herself to tell on the dais:

"Jeff Ross, I wouldn't f' you if I were Sarah Silverman...in 1996."