Eric the Midget called in to ask why Howard hadn't taken his any of his calls in over a month, so Howard shrugged that Eric never had much to say: "People can't take it. They hate it."
Undaunted, Eric pressed on: "For starters, Thursday is my birthday."
Howard laughed: "Do you really think the public cares?"
Eric addressed said public: "By the way--to your listeners--I have fingers. I don't have f'ing crab claws."