Eric the Midget Is King of the Wackpack

April 28, 2010

The Wack Pack Test

Howard got Eric the Midget on the line and said he wasn’t sure if he’d fly Eric to visit the show and take an intelligence test: “If I said I would do it, you would say, ‘I don’t want to come.'”

Eric said he was sure he could beat any ‘retard’ they put him up against, leading Robin to ask why he felt OK using the word ‘retard’ but not midget.

Eric explained: “I’m not a midget. That’s why I’m offended by it.”

Howard then revealed that a listener had formulated a test to determine whether or not someone was member of the Wackpack–and asked Eric to answer a few questions:

1. Are you a regular caller to The Howard Stern Show? Eric: “I consider myself a regular caller.”

2. Have you been an in-person guest on the Stern Show? Eric: “Yes.”

3. Are you regularly unemployed or unemployable? Eric: “I guess.” [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

4. Are you either mentally retarded or handicapped? Eric: “Handicapped, yes.” 5. Is your speaking voice considered to be funny? Eric: “So is Gilbert Gottfried’s!” [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

6. Is your physical appearance considered to be funny? Eric: “No!” [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

7. Is your physical appearance considered to be disturbing? Eric: “No!” [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

8. Has Howard Stern created a name for you? [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

9. Has Howard Stern inserted ‘the’ into your name? [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

10. Are your viewpoints considered to be funny? [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

11. Are your viewpoints considered to be disturbing? [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

12. Are you on medication prescribed by a physician? [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

13. Do you deny being in the Wackpack? [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

15. Have you shit yourself more than once? Eric: “No.”

16. Will you most likely die or have you died before the age of 55? Eric: “Well, I’m 35 and I don’t think I will.” [Howard answered ‘yes’ for Eric.]

Eric the Midget Is King of the Wackpack

Howard announced that Eric had scored 38 points on the test: “You had the highest score out of any Wackpacker.”

Howard then listed a few other Wackpack scores: Wendy the Retard (23pts), High Pitch Erik (30pts), Riley Martin (15pts) and Jeff the Drunk (36pts). Several frequent callers, like Bobo, Mariann from Brooklyn and Captain Janks fell under 10 points, missing the cut–a result Howard felt was accurate.